Friday, January 14, 2011

Trying my Best to Love Me!

I had to write to get some things off of my chest. As lots of you know it can be very helpful if not therapeutic to write. People are intimidated, especially by blogs, because they feel their writing has to be “good”. First of all, I am not a good writer, ESPECIALLY on here. I prefer to type the way I speak. I have the potential to write for a literary audience but frankly I haven’t the energy to focus on those goals just yet. So here goes. I like to think that you, the reader, feel like I’m having a conversation with you alone because that’s definitely how I feel when writing!

I’m trying my hardest to work thru some things with each performance and this entire experience in general. I’ve mentioned a couple of them before, but I’m gonna go down the list again:

1- I will NOT go bare legged. Even if I wear some cheap fishnets that might as well be my nude leg, I still feel much better with some sort of barrier. My major issue is with my inner thighs and in close second my cellulite.  This is so silly bc fishnets will not do much, if anything, for either but I definitely feel sexier in them. I’m trying to work on the thigh highs that sit high up on the leg. I haven’t made myself a pair yet so I’m not sure how well they would even stay on. Thigh highs tend to roll right down. I am though, waiting for a pair of those sexy garter stockings where they are connected at the top but separate into the thigh highs, make sense? There's a picture right there just in case not, haha!

2 - I will NOT wear a thong. I’ll just put this out on the table: I don’t wear them in my personal life nor have I ever had the desire to, but on stage I think it’d be fun. It’s definitely a mountain to get over. I DO have one prepared for my new act I’m debuting this weekend but I don’t know if I’ll be able to wear it. I guess we’ll see what I decide!

3-(most current) I will NOT use bright colored costumes. This somewhat spills over from my off-stage life. Super embellished, bright, fun costumes are scary for me to wear. I tend to wear a lot of black anyway but sometimes it’s definitely just a slimming go-to. I think this is happening in my costume decisions. Honestly I feel like some bright fluffy chubby girl prancing around like cotton candy that doesn’t look so cute whenever I attempt to stray from something mostly black. Just sayin. But I do love color and I fantasize of a mint green and bubble gum pink costume. As of now, I foresee a Valentine’s day act as my first brightly colored get-up. Hot pink & black (duh) but cute wittle hearts everywhere hah! This rant is stemming from this week, because I’ve been trying different pieces on for my new act. And although the black skirt I probably will wear looks and feels fuckin awesome when I wear it, I also secretly love that it is just plain black with no beads, no fringe, no nothing. Just tight and sexy black.

Note: I am saying all of this in regard to how I’m feeling at this moment. Nothing is ever definite especially when it comes to performing. Never say never, right? Right.

There aren’t any rules about costumes and acts or anything really just don’t mess up the stage and if you’re ever not sure about something ask the producer(s) ahead of time so you’re not panicked last minute. I personally feel the pressure though to have a big, bold, extra sparkly costume or it means you're lacking. So with all that said, I’m SUPER excited for tomorrow. My nerves are actin up a bit tonight but compared to last time I am feeling much more confident in every way possible.

FRIDAY - Drive Thru Burlesque 8pm $10 Parkside Lounge, Manhattan
SATURDAY - NYSB Student Showcase 8pm $7 Bower Poetry Club, Manhattan

Hope to see some of you there!

Ciao for now,

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