I was flying high (aside from some issues with my body & hair) yesterday morning when I began watching my spot on Better TV. I sat with hosts Kristina & JD to chat about being single and looking for love. We entrusted their resident relationships expert & my friend –of-friend Rachel DeAlto to diagnose what’s missing. What came to light, as I discussed in last week’s post, was the fear of losing my individuality in a relationship and the annoying realization that I may very well intimidate the average Joe. Whatever! Here’s the clip if you missed it. I’ve had this amazing out pouring of Facebook posts, texts, & emails of encouragement. They have been a major source of ease. Thank you.
At the same time, I was biting off my nails anticipating my 3:30p colposcopy & biopsy. What is that? Long story short: my tests at the gyno show up positive for some high-risk abnormal cells so they do an intensive/deeper look at my cervix. Terrifying to say the least. Last week I pretty much cried myself to sleep nightly having thoughts like I don’t want to die. I’m never gonna be married because who wants to marry a young girl with cancer. I will never have kids because that’d just be selfish. And finally my mom will have to bury me. Overwhelming feeling of guilt in regards to that last one. Needless to say, I now wait for test results. The nurse practitioner (whom I only went to because she was close to work and has turned out to be the perfect result of circumstance) said that for as far as her eye can see, nothing is too concerning, but we’ll wait for the results. January 8th, I will know more. *Exhale
Talk about the universe keeping you in check! Being a Libra, I attempt to keep everything in balance and if I can't the higher powers step in. (Marlena, it's obviously because I'm a Libra hahah) I kept my mind & body busy this weekend with a friend’s holiday party, a show on Saturday night at Arlene’s with hilarious Staten Island & Jersey friends, Sunday I had a great brunch with friends & family too! The busier I stayed, the less I cried. I’m feeling much better now that the appointment is over, but definitely extra sensitive. Every story is making me cry, things at my day job are great post-evaluations, people in Australia and their beautiful hashtag: #Iwillridewithyou. Stop it. I’m gonna cry just telling you about it all. J I’m sensitive and I’d like to stay that way. (Thanks for that line Jewel and below is a clip some of you will laugh really hard at but whatever. I loved her in high school.)
THIS SUNDAY - celebrate the holidays with the Pink Chardonnay's and I at Le Poisson Rouge for It's a Pink Christmas! My last show before the year's end so get your tickets because there's always a packed house.
Ciao for now,