Monday, January 30, 2012

My Week Without Marilyn

Go see that movie. Well the real one, not my rip off titled one.
It was brilliant. If you've ever wanted to be an actor, this is the type of movie that keeps you wanting it. By the end of the film it wasn't about Marilyn, in fact there was a point where I had forgotten it was about her at all. The characters were so engaging that I was trying hard to make eye contact with them. I went alone and while totes PMSing. Needless to say I cried several times because I completely empathized with M.  Terrified of judgement.  It's the biggest roadblock you can build for yourself and the hardest one to get over!

I'm getting so anxious with Meat My Friends Manhattan debut rolling around in less than 2 weeks. I have lots of friends coming and this gets me so worked up.  My nerves get the best of me and I never say what I planned and never perform the way I want to.  It's so irritating. I love having them there. I am grateful beyond words every time one sends me a message or calls to say "I'm coming to your show."  I am feeling more confident as a host, and am actually writing things down as a loose script.  I like this. In fact I prefer it and then being able to chit chat & improvise is an added bonus. I just want everyone to enjoy themselves and feel like their time & $10 (and then some for drinks & tips & raffles if you please!) were worth it.  I have such a talented group of people coming together and I am so honored to be hosting them.  Why is having your dream come true so hard to accept? It's terrifying!

I'm having a hard time concentrating on Friday's Rockabilly Burlesque show at Rodeo Bar.  Three acts, live band, and music that is so overwhelmingly fast for me. I am not comfortable shaking all around. Damn, I must be in a bad mood (even though I've felt fine?). I'm being so down. It's anxiety. The usual really. Like most people I retreat and it's exactly what I'm doing. I'm procrastinating and making excuses for not being proactive. So corny *slaps self across both cheeks*

I think it's bedtime. I haven't slept much since Friday night. Took a quick trip to NJ for a friend's shower, which was SO nice to see my bffs I hadn't in awhile.  Then came back for my monthly gig as Franny Fluffer's The Pink Room, door girl. I love working the door! THEN had to sleep only a few hours before having work until close time, THEN picking up someone's shift for the following morning and now here I am. Exhausted with watery eyes. My goal is bed by midnight and it's defiinitely gonna happen! Woohooo!

Thanks again for stopping by, hope to see you at a show and if I do please say hello, I don't bite unless you pay me to!

Ciao for now,

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