No, I am not referencing the PLA of China. I am talking about the Liberation Army of One. Of You.
Although I'm over worked and confused about where my life is headed, I'm absurdly calm about it all. Over the past few months I've really been letting go of some things from my past: lovers, haters, whatever. It's been happening so naturally that I haven't really been able to take it in; nor have I been missing anything that I used to think I couldn't live without.
To wake up in the morning this way, to a feeling of almost being born again, is the most free I've felt in my adult life. I don't know what really triggered it or when, but I do know I've been trying for years to rid myself of certain thoughts. Before even the idea of not having that depth/drama/emotional weight made me feel incredibly lonely. That if I held onto at least some things from "home" (aka NJ) I would have them to fall back on. That even if my life here was chaotic and stressful, I could lean on those fences of my former life. The last couple of times I've been to NJ, I've been very eager to get back to NY. While I miss lots of my friends and on some occasions my family (they rule!), the fences are no longer strong enough to hold me and it hasn't forced me, rather it has ENCOURAGED me to walk on my own.
The only reason most people hold onto their past is out of fear of the future. Fear of the unknown, of the unfamiliar. It's been a long time coming that I had to free myself and stop worrying about others. While it's ALWAYS a work in progress I thought it was about time I shared. I feel liberated and with each morning yawn it gets better and better! To realize how much power we truly have as individuals to shape our own lives, our own attitudes, our own goals, our own EVERYTHING, has been the highest of rewards. I hope you get there too...
Got plans for Thursday night? Come to Coney Island! I'll be hanging with some super fun guys & gals at Clam Casino's Show - I can't wait! I love performing in Coney and I love the people I will be surrounded by. I will also be doing my fave SUPER SLOW "Sleepwalk" number and also giving a newer costume a go (even though it will probably incomplete due to work, boooo!) but regardless it will be a great night!
Hope you're enjoying August, as Summer winds down I am looking forward to Fall and to my Birthday! Meat My Friends: Tina's Birthday Burlesque Party will be on Friday, October 5th at Full Cup in Staten Island. Show deets are on the way!
Ciao for now,