Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Been Nice Knowin Ya!

Oh man, Mr. Toothbrush has been laying it on pretty thick lately. And lets pretend (because honestly we don't really know) that he means everything he's saying.

He compliments my brains as much as my face & body. He's asked if I was seeing anyone else since our 3rd hang, repeatedly says there's something different about me and most currently questioned how my mom would feel about me dating him (he's a non-white boy). In 100% girl mode these are all positives right? Well here I am making fun of his kindness, being self-deprecating to the point where I say don't get ahead of yourself,  you barely know me. I'm basically pushing him out the door saying nice knowing you. Why? Its weird because I've also never been so vocally cynical with a guy. I've put some guards up with him pretty quickly while, with every hang, making myself even more vulnerable. Its a real 'll y interesting situation unravelling.

The heaviest part came when -while pillow talking in the am, he says something like "blah blah blah super nice intense things blah blah I think I could like you for a long time."
I froze. For a solid minute we just layed there looking at each other.  I finally spoke, barely fighting tears and a shaky voice, "well, see how fucked up I am. I dont know how to reply. I can't even receive what you just said. I'm sorry, I'm kinda freakin out." And he hugged me harder and told me I didn't have to say anything, it's ok.
It was the best morning/afternoon/early evening we've had together :)

He also -in a sexed up stupor- said something he probably forgets or wants to forget. I texted my friend the next day and she's the only one that knows hahah maybe I'll tell him and you guys one day!!

So apparently next on the agenda he wants to show me his fave place but it's outside otherwise we woulda went Sunday night. I don't know what's going on, but I'm trying -by the advice of many- to just breath and believe that I am worthy of it.

Thanks for checking in again! Would love to hear your thoughts or experience of the same struggles...make a sure to comment below!

Ciao for now,


PS: I get a gold star for typing this on my CELL PHONE bc my computer was being a dick. Sorry for the delay but thanks for the read :) love yous guys!!

DEC 20TH I'll be joining the Burlesque Bikini Bootcamp girls yet again for a night of holiday performances at Le Poisson Rouge!!


  1. "I finally spoke, barely fighting tears and a shaky voice" .. i know this voice of yours well (i have the same one, by the way).. it always touches me and makes me want to lean over to your side of the couch and hug the balls out of you forever (but of course i don't because i have "intimacy issues" .. ask kim all about it). anyway, i love you so much and you are worth every ounce of it.. from me and from everyone. that's all i got. xox Leah P

    1. Hahaha I'm hugging you so hard right now. Also, next time I see you I'm gonna give your hand a thumg rub.

      Love you!!!!