Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Good While It Lasted

Ew. I hate the phrase "settle down". I also pretty much hate people that use it before the age of 70. It freaks me out for so many reasons...it's the beginning of an ending!  Any guy looking to settle down, is NOT looking for a Tina.

I thought about this while having a text session with DB and she clearly stated what it was she was looking for in a mate and then asked me. I said a few of the usual key words, but quickly realized I don't exactly know what it is I want. That's something I'm trying to redefine for myself - if it's even possible. A broken heart really does shatter every bit of reality you had any faith in. That shit is tough to recover from! (Especially when that shit texts you.)

I also carelessly added "I take what I can get" referring to men that will essentially be in a relationship with me but it either remains anonymous or unlabeled and eventually fades out. I always have a Good While It Lasted mentality because I know I wouldn't waste so much time with just anyone, but I'm yet to be wowed. I'm yet to be surprised by someone that actually sticks around or even, at the least, is vocal about what's going on in his brain.

For a long time I described myself as undeserving and unready for a relationship. I had pages of excuses listing what I lacked when it came to the things I had to offer a potential partner. They ranged from not having a career (whatever the fuck that means anyway), to being plus size with confidence (double whammy). Finally, I realized it was silly to expect of myself so intensely, things that I did not require or expect from a potential love or anyone that I could care about in general. Perhaps, I believe in the "when you know, you know" theory, although I thought I knew and was apparently wrong soooo...yeah. ha!

Either way, single or not, I'm truly enjoying myself right now. Working on my social life has been a nice boost (totally broke but whatevs). Even if I sit at the same place night after night, I love it and I love how I feel there. In regards to Mr. Toothbrush, we hung out the other night and he discovered a new bar/restauarant and said "I have to take you there, I think you'll love it" so we went. and sat by a fire (yeah) and smooched in a booth. *sigh
He also said more really nice things that guys shouldn't say if they don't mean em. We talked about the toothbrush double standard and I was laughing while he got worked up TRYING to disagree that it can be translated to a "big deal". He left his shirt this time around...I said if you're trying to move in you need to relax lol that got a hug and a kiss. Nice!

Ciao for now,


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