What is it about doing the right thing that always feels SO wrong?
The pain, the sadness, the anger, and even guilt...particularly in head vs. heart matters.
(And specifically, my subconcious desire to have my dude show up to my birthday even though it would have ruined all of my i decided to separate from my dude for good plans!!)
I'm so mad that I have a good head on my shoulders. Doesn't that sound so pathetic? Like for one second, I wish I didn't make a sound decision because I wouldn't have to sleep alone on the weekends. Or I'd have someone, a man, to focus my energy on. Someone, a man, to perhaps make future plans with. Someone, a man, to have dinner with.
When I'm not feeling down or when I'm feeling most like myself I know that all sounds so small. That all the other good in my life is worth celebrating and the other things will work out if I keep the faith.
I had a beautiful birthday celebration at home with friends from all different walks of life. Old jobs, current jobs, college, and even family. It was quite the reminder of how fortunate my life really is and I'm really looking forward to my 31st year! The night before I had a blast as emcee for a Burlesque Bikini Bootcamp showcase at Drom. Not a bad way to start another year.
Ciao for now,
PS: These are starting to be Waiting until Wednesday for Tina Tassels ;)