Some Serious Libra Status!

I’ve had an emotional roller-coaster of a week.

I was flying high (aside from some issues with my body & hair) yesterday morning when I began watching my spot on Better TV. I sat with hosts Kristina & JD to chat about being single and looking for love. We entrusted their resident relationships expert & my friend –of-friend Rachel DeAlto to diagnose what’s missing. What came to light, as I discussed in last week’s post, was the fear of losing my individuality in a relationship and the annoying realization that I may very well intimidate the average Joe. Whatever! Here’s the clip if you missed it. I’ve had this amazing out pouring of Facebook posts, texts, & emails of encouragement. They have been a major source of ease. Thank you.

At the same time, I was biting off my nails anticipating my 3:30p colposcopy & biopsy. What is that? Long story short: my tests at the gyno show up positive for some high-risk abnormal cells so they do an intensive/deeper look at my cervix. Terrifying to say the least. Last week I pretty much cried myself to sleep nightly having thoughts like I don’t want to die. I’m never gonna be married because who wants to marry a young girl with cancer. I will never have kids because that’d just be selfish. And finally my mom will have to bury me. Overwhelming feeling of guilt in regards to that last one.  Needless to say, I now wait for test results. The nurse practitioner (whom I only went to because she was close to work and has turned out to be the perfect result of circumstance) said that for as far as her eye can see, nothing is too concerning, but we’ll wait for the results. January 8^th, I will know more. *Exhale

Talk about the universe keeping you in check! Being a Libra, I attempt to keep everything in balance and if I can't the higher powers step in. (Marlena, it's obviously because I'm a Libra hahah) I kept my mind & body busy this weekend with a friend’s holiday party, a show on Saturday night at Arlene’s with hilarious Staten Island & Jersey friends, Sunday I had a great brunch with friends & family too! The busier I stayed, the less I cried. I’m feeling much better now that the appointment is over, but definitely extra sensitive. Every story is making me cry, things at my day job are great post-evaluations, people in Australia and their beautiful hashtag: #Iwillridewithyou. Stop it. I’m gonna cry just telling you about it all. J I’m sensitive and I’d like to stay that way. (Thanks for that line Jewel and below is a clip some of you will laugh really hard at but whatever. I loved her in high school.)

THIS SUNDAY - celebrate the holidays with the Pink Chardonnay's and I at Le Poisson Rouge for It's a Pink Christmas! My last show before the year's end so get your tickets because there's always a packed house.

Ciao for now,

TT

Yes.

My visit to Better TV with Rachel DeAlto was nothing short of perfect.

The best part of talking something out with a friend or better yet, an *expert* is putting into words the things you hate to hear or admit about yourself. There is something incredibly cathartic though, when you come to terms with the truth; may it be good or bad.

While talking to Rachel (getting my hurr & makeup touched up) before heading onto set, my major fear of relationships was defined clearer than I’d like to admit. For a long time, and still, I’ve felt that my wanting a relationship means I am weak or that I’m lacking a 100% sense of self. That by wanting a partner, I’d be giving up a part of my independence. *Exhale I still get anxious admitting that. It feels weirder because I don’t believe that at all, but have developed an emotional and even internal reaction to it. For the first time in my life I answered the question do you want to be in a relationship, with the word Yes. Plain and simple. *shiver

 Before the show, I also realized that I had been working on this issue without even realizing it. I used to make all sorts of excuses of why I was single or better yet, why I should stay single. One of the main reasons I'd argue is that career wise I hadn't settled into anything steady. Since I was still figuring things out I shouldn't bring someone else into that struggle, that journey just in case I get distracted or some other bullshit. A little over a year ago I remember saying to someone else using my exact words that they were silly. And that being in a relationship while figuring things out is 100% possible if you want it to be. Let someone be a part of your journey. I went home that night and while the conversation lingered in my brained I realized I had essentially told myself what I needed to hear.

Another topic we discussed was that apparently I'm intimidating and I have to get over it. That sounds so vain. I just don't understand. I get intimidated by people too, but it will never stand in my way of talking to them. We're only human after all. Let's chat! People are easy to me. Not always nice, but peanuts to navigate or at least attempt to! Don't be shy my dudes, life is short <3

Ciao for now,

TT

Upcoming Shows - Mark Your Calendars:

THIS SATURDAY, 12/13 - Arlene's Grocery with The Three Kings - Improving over some Live Hip Hop...no clue what's gonna happen!

Sunday, 12/21 - Le Poisson Rouge - It's A Pink Christmas!

Sunday, 1/4 - Music Hall of Williamsburg - Lovesick Expo

TV Talk?

I am SO excited to tell you that tomorrow morning I'll be taping a a segment at Better TV with resident relationship expert Rachel DeAlto. WHAT?! I don't know anything about it obviously. I know I apparently pick the wrong men. I know I'm too giving from the get-go. I know I'm too flexible and put myself last. I know I'm not interested in online dating whether it's fear based or genuine disinterest...BUT, I do know I deserve good: in life & love. My positive mental & emotional projection will be rewarded in the way it's supposed to. I must believe that otherwise what's the use of waking up everyday?

Check local listings and make sure to follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram -- all that good stuff -- to find out when it airs. *chews off finger nails* WHAT DO I WEAR!?

Hope you all had a nice holiday with friends and/or family. I know I did. I was ready to get back to my pace here in NYC though. I don't know how people just sleep & work. I get anxious without a schedule or things to do. I love have weekends off but I also love having plans with great people all the time. A friend recently said she hated that her days were all melting into one making her feel like she never had a day off -- she hates it. I actually love it!! #TheHustle

Ciao for now,

TT

PS: I met Val Chmerkovskiy yesterday. I die. So cute. And smelled of handsome goodness. *sigh