A little shout out to my bff MCT for texting me that hash tag (we're obsessed with them) while I was explaining what was going on.
I'm a little pissed. Actually, I feel embarrassed and I shouldn't, but I do, so now I'm pissed that I'm embarrassed against my will!!
Guys suck. I keep faith in people and places and things on the regular, I'm optimistic & forgiving, BUT every now and then I get fed up. The good thing though, is that I can come here and publicly bitch about it and hopefully hear some of your stories, shared confusion, or maybe you'll flat out tell me I'm nuts. If you choose the last option, I'll happily say go fuck yourself, thanks byeeeee!
Fresh out of work, go to see some friends I hadn't in some time. My first Saturday night on the town in a while. So it's one of my really great guy friends and his cousin whom I think is so awesome, smokin hot, and just an amazing person in general. I've also known him for years and we don't have any history other than him being my teenage crush ha!
We're all sipping champagne, relaxing at our friend's apt, just bullshitting and catching up. After a couple hours we head out into the world. The rest of the crew goes ahead into a restaurant, said cousin and I stay out for a smoke. Forgive my memory, I'm not sure how the convo even started, but cousin begins to confess (essentially) how "sexy" he finds me and that he thinks about me often while enjoying his own company (catch my drift?) and even complimented my skin (via his fantasy obviously because it isn't that wonderful). Of course with all this unbelievable and unexpected info I was intrigued. WHO WOULDN'T BE?! I mean a guy who I think of as totally out of my league when it comes to looks and career and family etc...just spilled his guts to me and SOME OF HIS GUTS WERE ABOUT ME! Trying to keep as cool as I could while the teenage girl inside me was screaming, I said "interesting...this is all very good to know" in addition to eye contact and a sly tone in my voice I was more than obvious in making it clear that I felt great about all the news. I even jokingly implied that he can't tell me this on the side of a street because now I'd wanna make out.
OH! And a bit earlier, while still in the apt I was sitting legs crossed and he jokingly motioned as if motor-boating my lap and I said "you can if you want to" and he seemed surprised. His reaction to my reactions was so interesting almost like he didn't believe I would be into him.
Aside from all of my in the moment clouded-by-champagne judgement, I still couldn't shake the possibility that if nothing else we'd get to at least make out down the road so I amped up the flirting just a pinch. By the way, we did sneak in about 20 quick seconds of smooch time when the room was clear...so weird. I'm still in awe as I write this haha
Anyway, I texted him the next day to tease about his confessions and then decided that I'm going to have to be the aggressor because even though he's felt like this he's obviously never pursued me further than in his head. After a few flirty texts over a couple days he replied in a very casual tone: next time we hang out we'll see what happens. There was a little more in his message and his word choice was a little cutting. I felt blind sided. So I offered a never mind because now he's ruined it!
I don't understand. Did I get ahead of myself? Why did he spill such personal things? And out of nowhere? Frankly, this isn't the first time a guy has done this verbal spewing, but the others used it as their buttering me up bit. (Damnit, I'm easy haha!) Is it just him? I know he's got some things to work through but I've been hearing a lot of other stories like this. I just don't get it...hence, I'm a little bummed out and as a mentioned above embarrassed that I was trying to take initiative even if it was in a mild manner (just so were clear, mild!).
Yet again, I'm feeling foolish when it comes to men...*sigh
This aside I might be ending things with my part-time lover, stay tuned!
I've got a show Friday, probably one of my favorites to do: Rock and Roll Roadshow at Rodeo Bar!!
I might also be heading back to Rock Your Yoga with BexLife to do her hair! Not sure if my schedule is going to allow the last minute change *fingers crossed*
I hope you enjoyed your 3 day weekend. I was at work each day but have been enjoying it with my coworkers. I am working hard so I can play hard later!
Ciao for now,