IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!!

It is! And you too! It's about all of us as individuals!
Watching your friends grow up into amazing people is such a delight. Probably the only thing I enjoy about aging is experiencing the smart, gorgeous, and independent adults they become. You start talking to each other in different ways and end up learning so much about one another in a mature, open, and honest way.


That said, I had a great a weekend! One of my bffs came to visit from Philly and it's always a blast because I get to hang with a crew I don't see much. A few of us ended up having a great conversation, but the topic always leaves me sad. I don't want to go into too much detail about his business but one of the guys was basically sharing how "outsider" he feels to his family (the feeling provoked by his present brother). His life took a huge unexpected turn that was out of his hands and since then he's been living so independently people accuse him of being selfish and immature. That he's "avoiding growing up".  I shake my head and have to laugh at this otherwise my blood will start to boil. I'm SO over family making someone feel that they're life is not being lived the way someone is supposed to.  My biggest issue is that us vagabonds of our families, the black sheep, are trying our best to be the happiest. We don't bother anyone, we don't ask for much, we struggle at our own expense, and this is all usually in the pursuit of our dreams. I'm so confused and saddened that usually our families make us feel the worst about it. Everyone seems to suffer in our lack of what they feel would be accomplishments. My friend and I took a moment to reflect asking ourselves "what if we stayed in NJ?" I had no idea how to answer what my life would be like but I know I'd be miserable.  We also shared a similar sentiment saying how there are days we dream that all we wanted was to live close to our family, get a job, get married, have kids and then call it a day. This isn't our reality though. I never say I want more because the simple suburban life isn't less, but I know that anything I've ever wanted in life isn't found in the burbs of Southern NJ. Well one thing, but I can't have him so it's better I got out of there ha!

I'm sure most parents would say in response "wait until you're a parent, you'll see what we feel." They're right, I have no idea what it's like to be a parent, but I do know what it's like to be human and an adult. And I also know how hard it is to be the person you want to be rather than conforming or sticking to old habits. I also understand what it's like for you to be a person outside of the role of a parent. I often wonder what you wish was different in your life or if you think of old dreams.  I also wish you would take some time to reflect in a mature, adult way and try to see me outside of the role of your child. See my struggles for what they are, my pursuits with my goals in mind, and just believe for one second that no matter how scared, unhappy, broke, sad, or alone I feel I know you have my back and that all this will be worth something one day.

I don't want my friends (or anyone) to hurt and I don't want them to carry the weight of responsibility for other people's happiness. That is NOT what life is about.  I want everyone to be happy, doing whatever it is that makes them happy without doing harm to themselves or others.  This is the simplest and fairest dream of all!  If I'm not worrying, stop worrying about me. And if you can't, keep it to yourself because the problem is clearly yours, not mine.

*sigh I had to get this out. It's just so simple yet the cycle continues and I meet more and more people carrying a burden that they are blamed for yet have nothing to do with. Live & Let Live.

I am excited to have a show on Friday night that is Saved by the Bell themed! Work a few days then I'm heading back to Rodeo Bar on June 1st, which is always a blast with a Live Band!

Ok, time to clean up my apartment, especially my bedroom: laundry to the ceiling and dust balls getting bigger by the minute YUCK! Have a great week and even better memorial day weekend!!

Ciao for now,

TT