Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Sooooo Angry!!

I've been in a shitty mood. For all sorts of stupid reasons and frankly I don't know why everything has just crept up on me. I'm angry about things I can't control. I haven't been sleeping well. I'm feeling really bitter. I'm short tempered. Everyone is getting on my nerves. I wanna be alone but I'm feeling lonely. I miss my friends. I feel like crying a lot throughout the day. I'm feeling sorry for myself...
How pathetic.

I'm mad that he didn't call me again. I'm mad because I'm broke. I'm mad because I have to work weekends. I'm mad I don't live in Manhattan. I'm mad my parents don't have an apartment I can live in for free. I'm mad I can't afford improv classes both the price & the time. I'm mad that I can't afford fancy costumes. I'm mad that he got married. I'm even more mad that I had a crazy vivid dream about him realizing it was a mistake. I'm mad that I don't discipline myself nearly enough when it comes to rehearsal. I'm mad because all week I said I was gonna start writing more and I didn't pick up my notebook once.  I'm mad I don't look like ScarJo in "He's Just Not That Into You".  I'm mad I don't have the time to deal with my Dad's paintings. I'm mad I don't live alone. I'm mad my parents barely talk to each other. I'm mad he barely talks to me anymore. I'm mad my brother isn't more responsible with money. I'm mad I don't live closer so I can give him a place to stay.  I'm mad my jobs in LA stopped because the companies closed their doors. I'm mad I don't work "normal" hours so I'm able to make simple dinner plans with friends. I'm mad that I like doing my hair & makeup the way I do, I feel like it turns guys away. I'm mad because I feel ruined and that I'll never wanna be with anyone else. I'm mad that some of my friends and family are in awful marriages. I'm mad that Joan Rivers is aging and she's incredibly sad about it, it reminds me of my grandmom. I'm mad I don't have headshots and go on auditions. I'm mad that I smoke cigarettes because I know how awful they are and even more so for women.

I'm allowed to feel like this because about 97% of the time I'm the complete opposite. I think I'm done.

Ciao for now,