Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Are you seeing anybody...

When do you start saying yes?

I don't have a boyfriend, but I'm not "just" hanging out with someone. So I guess yes but, I told a girlfriend last night that it feels really embarrassing to talk about S.O.S. as I've never really had one. I don't talk about my relationships much to friends & family because it saves you the conversation down the road of answering: whatever happened to so-and-so?

Past Example: I made the mistake of wanting to have a wedding date for once in my life so I brought one to my cousin's years ago. I haven't seen him since and I'm 1000% ok with that. I hear he's not living up to his potential anyway hahaha but I dreaded the question "do you still see that guy?" because in my head I'm answering with: No, we had relations and never talked again. How's that sound?

I feel not only embarrassed but vulnerable when talking about my "love life". I also have a really unfortunate string of basically anonymous relationships. They are almost 1 year long somethings that no one ever really knows about. How unfortunate. I'm in a place where this guy is more than ok with anyone knowing (including his bff that HAD to meet me), but I feel weird about it. I'm so used to being someone's secret that I'm having a harder time enjoying something honest and public and NORMAL (whatever that is). It's such a foreign concept to me that I'm deeming it too good to be true and I guess we'll see what happens. EW! I would never support such negative thought. I'd tell you to snap out of it, enjoy it, feel deserving, don't be naive, but don't throw it away! *slaps you across face*

I had a blast at the Slapback 1year anniversary party. I got to perform at Cobra Club for some of my favorite people. I also realized how much more confident I feel performing at special events or non-burlesque type shows. Maybe it's the exclusivity and the ego-trip? It's also a matter of what performers are around you, how intimidated you feel by them or how positive and comfortable you feel, etc..it was a blast AND I can't wait to see some of the photos!!

I've been day-job hunting, trying to organize some vlog ideas, and working on 2 costumes.
Life is pretty good!

Ciao for now,


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