The Casualties of being Casual: 1

Ok, I'm being dramatic with the word "casualties," but I think I've encountered a conundrum that for some of you daters out there becomes a turning point!  I also numbered it one because I feel I'll be chatting about others. This is the best non-relationship, relationship ever. I have someone to spend time with stress-free and am learning so much about myself. Be jealz.

My lover friend (HA! the list of names I use to refer to this dude is hilarious) is a musician - thank god a good one, there's nothing worse than meeting someone that is some type of artist and you think 'great, another one, can't wait to lie about how talented you are' - so after much debate I went to see his band play more by his urging.  My reluctance to go was mainly because I knew he'd be in a zone, perhaps have some lady friends and maybe even a mom lingering.  I also knew this meant that we'd have to act in a way that wasn't natural in regards to how we normally do...I'll elaborate in a second.  With all that, I jokingly told him I'd rather avoid emotional stress than test myself. After the band finished, I then debated whether or not to just sneak out and talk to him later or go say a quick hello because I had to run to a friend's party anyway.  I opted for the quick hello; It's not like me/him/us to just bounce - well not like this anyway - Oh Snap! hahah  I slowly made my way up to him, he spots me, flashes his fab smile accompanied by a wink (I sweat guys who wink btw), he rounds the table, THEN IT HITS ME: how do I greet him? We usually kiss on the lips and have a nice hug?! I didn't think this could happen but who knows?! Then, I read him like a book and saw his face beeline for my cheek. Of course, it's the cheek. And an awkward sorta knee bent to greet my 5'4" frame super friend hug. LOL I don't know if you can picture this but I can and am right now! hah!


So after this I didn't feel so good. I didn't feel bad, but was wondering "Man, how do guys do that?" They're just able to turn it off.  Pretend to be old pals, soft punch on the shoulder.  In some way I'm jealous in other ways it's a bit cowardly (obviously varies from situation to situation).  Maybe I'm more casual than I thought about most things?  I don't wanna assume a peck on the lips means people are "something more".  I don't care if people wonder "who is he/she with?" ya know? I actually laughed at this while walking to my friend's party. I know some girls whose entire nights would be "ruined" over this. They'd be wondering what it meant for them...was he embarrassed? Was there another girl there? etc...Later I texted him a virtual kiss on the lips, I don't think he got it - the implication not the text hahah, I can't wait til he reads this.  All I wanted was a kiss especially after seeing him sing and perform. C'mon, we all know what musicians do for a girl lol I'll have to wait for my smooch I guess.

THURSDAY NIGHT COME TO NURSE BETTIE'S! 10p, No Cover: Calamity Chang's Spanking the Lower East Side. First show in sometime. I am excited. I need a creative nudge!!

Hope you had a nice weekend - I spent some time out on Saturday night to celebrate a friend's birthday. Saw some faces that I hadn't in a while so that was nice, other than that I was working..booooo! Grateful but fuckin over it. Where is my sugar daddy?????

Happy Tuesday - Have a great week!! Am looking forward to a friend's wedding shower this weekend in NJ! It's the wedding in June where I'll be a groomsWOman, woot! Here's a pick of my real bad dress rehearsal. Found this gorgeous suit on great sale and the last size fit!! Underneath, for reference, I threw on my dad's shirt and tie..love it!

See you next week xo!

Ciao for now,

TT

The Voodoo that YOU Can Do

So I'm just gonna put it out there: I had this wild, out of body, can't control what's happening to me orgasm. I mean seriously. By the third one I was hysterically laughing and accused my lover of doing some sort of voodoo. My legs - while up in the air - were shaking as if hanging from puppet strings and just sort of bouncing around. I immediately referred to myself as Pinocchio and shouted "You make me feel like a real boy!!" How unsexy am I? hahah Fear not, I had come to my senses by this point.

I'm not writing to brag, nor to shame my mother (sorry Ma, I know you're probably reading this), nor to toot anybody's horn (I already patted him on the back and said "good job"). I'm no stranger to feeling fab between the sheets but this time was special. I don't mean romantic special, or even someone particularly special, or where it happened was special, but there was just something extra special.

I've been climbing up this hill I preach to you about often known as "self-love". I think this past love making sess has been a culmination (although it needs continuous TLC) of everything I've been working towards. For some people it's getting divorced, for some it's buying a car, for some it's having a baby, at this point in my life it was having that orgasm.  I'm not trying to be entirely funny, I honestly am, 2 nights later, still wondering what the hell happened in that bed!  It was in essence, I feel like a sensation that can only arise in the absence of self-consciousness and it wasn't until the last one when I started to come back to reality so-to-speak, that I started to feel embarrassed and silly.

I must divulge there was no secret positioning or timing or shifting or wild antics or whatever. It was more slow than it was fast, it was probably the most passionate sexy time I've ever had, but other than that I gots nothing but voodoo.  It is the magic I am allowing myself to experience in all aspects of life. This was an absolute reassurance of how in control we are of ourselves; How much power we have over our minds & bodies and what we trust ourselves to endure. I felt the need to share because my Manfriend and I were talking about how so many women have trouble orgasming. Years down the line, she has a revelation that it was all in her control. Whether it's pain, a broken heart, body shame, the inability to trust, man-hating, sadness, fear, and so on...these can lessen if not flat out diminish the possibility of absolute pleasure with another person. Let it happen, after all you deserve it!

I am feeling like a million bucks and know that you can too. Take control, ladies especially, it is worth every silly leg shaking, Pinocchio quoting second! Wow, this feels good to share publicly and not feeling so worried about being absurd or inappropriate. I have to keep telling myself that I haven't written anything wrong. Hope you enjoyed it and feel inspired to go O-face chasing too!!

Have a great a week!

Ciao for now,

TT

PS: Happy Easter this coming weekend! I don't worry too much about celebrating the holiday it's more so a trip to NJ to see my family and try to squeeze some friends into a short visit. Can't wait for that home cookin. Deviled eggs here I come!