Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Late, Don't Hate

Had a long day at work yesterday that started early morning THEN went out for some Birthday drinks for 1of my fave women, Supreme Overlord of PUG Laura!
It was a fabulous gathering of amazing women.

Today I am making the set list and gearing up for The Peacock Party.  I'm really excited and still so honored to be putting on a show at beautiful Duane Park. I love the performers I'll be hosting so no matter what it's gonna be a blast! Will you be there?

Dude update? Hmmm i guess nothing really jumping out at me. I'm still into him. I don't know if it will fade away . Like usual, I'm just waiting for it which obviously means I'm technically not helping the situation. I think about him a lot. From all sorts of POVs I look at the possibilities. We hung out for a bit on Sunday and walked hand-in-hand to the train. That was the best.

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Been Nice Knowin Ya!

Oh man, Mr. Toothbrush has been laying it on pretty thick lately. And lets pretend (because honestly we don't really know) that he means everything he's saying.

He compliments my brains as much as my face & body. He's asked if I was seeing anyone else since our 3rd hang, repeatedly says there's something different about me and most currently questioned how my mom would feel about me dating him (he's a non-white boy). In 100% girl mode these are all positives right? Well here I am making fun of his kindness, being self-deprecating to the point where I say don't get ahead of yourself,  you barely know me. I'm basically pushing him out the door saying nice knowing you. Why? Its weird because I've also never been so vocally cynical with a guy. I've put some guards up with him pretty quickly while, with every hang, making myself even more vulnerable. Its a real 'll y interesting situation unravelling.

The heaviest part came when -while pillow talking in the am, he says something like "blah blah blah super nice intense things blah blah I think I could like you for a long time."
I froze. For a solid minute we just layed there looking at each other.  I finally spoke, barely fighting tears and a shaky voice, "well, see how fucked up I am. I dont know how to reply. I can't even receive what you just said. I'm sorry, I'm kinda freakin out." And he hugged me harder and told me I didn't have to say anything, it's ok.
It was the best morning/afternoon/early evening we've had together :)

He also -in a sexed up stupor- said something he probably forgets or wants to forget. I texted my friend the next day and she's the only one that knows hahah maybe I'll tell him and you guys one day!!

So apparently next on the agenda he wants to show me his fave place but it's outside otherwise we woulda went Sunday night. I don't know what's going on, but I'm trying -by the advice of many- to just breath and believe that I am worthy of it.

Thanks for checking in again! Would love to hear your thoughts or experience of the same struggles...make a sure to comment below!

Ciao for now,


PS: I get a gold star for typing this on my CELL PHONE bc my computer was being a dick. Sorry for the delay but thanks for the read :) love yous guys!!

DEC 20TH I'll be joining the Burlesque Bikini Bootcamp girls yet again for a night of holiday performances at Le Poisson Rouge!!

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Good While It Lasted

Ew. I hate the phrase "settle down". I also pretty much hate people that use it before the age of 70. It freaks me out for so many's the beginning of an ending!  Any guy looking to settle down, is NOT looking for a Tina.

I thought about this while having a text session with DB and she clearly stated what it was she was looking for in a mate and then asked me. I said a few of the usual key words, but quickly realized I don't exactly know what it is I want. That's something I'm trying to redefine for myself - if it's even possible. A broken heart really does shatter every bit of reality you had any faith in. That shit is tough to recover from! (Especially when that shit texts you.)

I also carelessly added "I take what I can get" referring to men that will essentially be in a relationship with me but it either remains anonymous or unlabeled and eventually fades out. I always have a Good While It Lasted mentality because I know I wouldn't waste so much time with just anyone, but I'm yet to be wowed. I'm yet to be surprised by someone that actually sticks around or even, at the least, is vocal about what's going on in his brain.

For a long time I described myself as undeserving and unready for a relationship. I had pages of excuses listing what I lacked when it came to the things I had to offer a potential partner. They ranged from not having a career (whatever the fuck that means anyway), to being plus size with confidence (double whammy). Finally, I realized it was silly to expect of myself so intensely, things that I did not require or expect from a potential love or anyone that I could care about in general. Perhaps, I believe in the "when you know, you know" theory, although I thought I knew and was apparently wrong soooo...yeah. ha!

Either way, single or not, I'm truly enjoying myself right now. Working on my social life has been a nice boost (totally broke but whatevs). Even if I sit at the same place night after night, I love it and I love how I feel there. In regards to Mr. Toothbrush, we hung out the other night and he discovered a new bar/restauarant and said "I have to take you there, I think you'll love it" so we went. and sat by a fire (yeah) and smooched in a booth. *sigh
He also said more really nice things that guys shouldn't say if they don't mean em. We talked about the toothbrush double standard and I was laughing while he got worked up TRYING to disagree that it can be translated to a "big deal". He left his shirt this time around...I said if you're trying to move in you need to relax lol that got a hug and a kiss. Nice!

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, November 19, 2013


Exciting announcement - I'll be producing, performing, & hosting for the first time at Duane Park in the new year. WHAT?!
Here's your invite to THE PEACOCK PARTY: A Late Night Variety Show.  It was sent to the printer yesterday! Performer confirmations are rolling in and I CANNOT FREAKIN WAIT! Special thanks to Dennis Cahlo for my picture...check out what else we did here!

 Guy B and I (see last week) had another fun hang sesh!

He asked some interesting questions and said some extremely thoughtful things...who knows if he remembers, but I do and we'll see how they pan out! After hours of catching up and smoochin' a ton we left the bar to grab our 5am cab ride home.  Before we did though, we ran into a bodega so he could buy a toothbrush. No biggie, last time I felt bad I didn't have any (which I always want to buy a pack just to have for guests just in case - my friend KLE knows the deal!).

Here's the kicker, before leaving the next afternoon, he put his used toothbrush back in it's package and said I'm gonna leave this here for next time.
I keep laughing over it because it's hilarious and sweet and completely innocent, but at the same time I'm not sure what to make of it. And let's be honest, if a girl did this to a dude after 2 nights, he'd be flippin' his shit over this bitch "moving too fast" or "pressuring" him, or some stupid weird, outrageous reason for her to do it.  So for the record I think it's funny, I don't feel pressured, and as I mentioned, I find it completely innocent and practical. I'm still single and am thoroughly enjoying spending time with someone as relaxed as I am about what I know other people would think of as a "big deal."

What are you thinking?? Anything like this happen to you before? Comment! I'd love to hear your stories more often :)

<3 Sending lots of love to my extended family LP & Bex & Anne <3

Ciao for now,


Special congrats to Bexlife - I missed her HuffPost Live interview a few hours ago: check it out here!!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Bros Before Hoes?

I don't know if I'm setting myself up.

Remember this guy? He had personality through the roof. Someone I really wanted to spend more time with. I did NOT let him upstairs probably because I thought it'd ensure I'd see him again (ya know, trying to play some stupid game you people play ha!). Since the last night we hung out for a bit I never heard back from him. I saw him at his job - because that's where I hang a lot - but no calls, texts, nothing....I got the hint.  I did get a bit sour though, it's not fair that he got to go out with me knowing he had a girlfriend that he probably wasn't going to leave her. Oh well, I had a REALLY great time with him. I have to remind myself, these are practice dates or something?? (We'll refer to him as guy A)

Anyway, at the same place of work (what is my problem haha) there is this beautiful "out of my league" looking employee. (Guy B) Not because my self-esteem is low, but because his style & attitude stereotypically pair him with what I described as an "exotic, kim kardashian-like" girl...I was WAY off.  A & B are boys though, they spend lots of time together at work and after hours as well. I never thought twice about B assuming he was way too cool for me. The more nights I was there at closing, B would sit down and we'd chat. This last night - Thursday - B & I ended up leaving and going to their regular after hours industry bar. We talked about everything we could possibly talk about A-Z over Rolling Rocks and a few hours. As were standing to go have a smoke, I don't even know what made me blurt out (in classy Tina-style) "you know we're gonna smooch tonight." He walked around the table and grabbed my face. Um, best first kiss ever!!!

Long story short, B is aware that I went out with A even before I mentioned it. He also said "I don't know if you're sleeping with my coworker, but..." then I cut him off and reassured him A was not invited upstairs so hopefully he didn't say different! B and I had a really fun night, great makeout sessions, and a sleep over.

I can't put into words how kind & generous he seems. I will be honest though, when he left my apt the next morning, I didn't get that no, don't go feeling. Perhaps I'm prepping myself for what's always the inevitable?  I'm being self-defeating, I need to sign off :)

Thanks for reading and let me know your thoughts! Guy A always gives us side eye when B says hello to me AND THIS IS BEFORE our night out. I have no clue what is to come.

Ciao for now,


PS: Friday, I'll be kittening for this event. World Famous Bob & Tigger!!!

Tuesday, October 29, 2013


I hadn't been brought to tears by this guy in awhile.  I've been good with keepin my mind moving forward and letting the past stay in the past. Seeing him recently just seemed to break me. It also stemmed from a really beautiful (which I didn't tell her it was beautiful, but it was) conversation I had with my girl LP.  I found it sad while also cleansing.

We got into a discussion about how some people decide to settle into a life that does not challenge them. It doesn't move them. It doesn't inspire them. I know some of you will ask "well, how do you know? who do you think you are to assume such a thing?" I too was and still am a bit skeptical to accept it happens, but I'm sure it does. I wanna believe it's impossible. I wanna believe that I am not the only one who refuses to live a mediocre life no matter how long I get to be alive. Mediocre is also subjective, I just want people to know they deserve happiness and deep love.

I sit writing this with tears in my eyes. I think I just miss him. As a friend. As anything. As a constant.

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Just Another non-Manic Tuesday!

Dude Update: The update is there is no update. Whatevs! His Loss.
I was very tempted, thanks to PMS induced neediness, to call  an ex-lover AFTER he called me for the first time in awhile. I held out though and avoided old habits! Woohooo, I get a gold star for that!

I got my confirmation email for Who Wants to be a Millionaire next Wednesday. I'm registered to audition too! Man, I could really use the money and the on-air attention haha 2birds, 1stone!

I've been costuming and researching music and writing a proposal email for a show at a venue that would be SO fuckin exciting. I also dreamed about it 2 nights ago. The entire intro, the audience, I could see everything so clearly. A dream like that makes waking up that much more exciting. Need to start making things happen and not just talk about it! Not sure why I'm being so stationary. I know it's again some weird fear working against myself but I need to get over it because it's gonna eat me alive and months from now I'll need a good slap in the face to snap out of it.

I also keep trying to brainstorm a good series of Vlogs. What do you think? What's my edge? My reason? WHY AM I ALIVE? hahah
Was just reading some old posts and comments and I felt really overwhelmed with gratitude. I still can't believe people show up weekly to read and even write sometimes. I thank you so much xo

Ciao for now,


I also started to slowly try out some swarovski on a bra. cray!

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

This Game We Play?

I'm going a little kookoo. In private, but now I'm sharing it with you. I am thinking WAY too much about someone that is seemingly conflicted. What I'm about to tell you, you may judge me for, but that's your problem not mine. I'd rather just be honest.

The first time I mentioned this guy I wrapped up by saying I felt like he had some sort of long distance thing going on. He never directly mentioned it but in conversation the girl he spoke of didn't seem like such an ex. The other night, while I was enjoying a drink at his place of work, we befriended a Texan couple and at one point during conversation he said the lady and I.  Later that night he met the Texan couple and I at another venue for a nightcap. I was a few drinks deep but became even more giddy when he arrived. He sat down and comfy, but before the night went on I very directly asked "Do you have a girlfriend? Long distance or something going on?" (it was very loud in the place and frankly I didn't really care but I wanted to clear it up and enjoy the rest of the night)
Him: Yes.
Me: OK, I just want to clarify what I'm potentially getting myself into. You haven't exactly hid it but you never came out and mentioned it.
Him: Yeah. - shuffling to put his bag under the table) It might not be so long distance pretty soon.
Me: Got it. And that's fine, I'd rather just know. I think you're funny, and charming, and cute, and I would just like to enjoy some time with you because I think it's great.
Him: Me too, that's what I think about you. I don't make out in public though (I had texted him hurry up I wanna makeout haha!)
Me: That's fine I was just teasing, but 1 kiss?
Another one?

We sat quiet for a bit after the Texans left and sipped our drinks. My recollection is a bit fuzzy over the rest of conversation, but once again I know he said - while looking away - "I need to figure some things out." He put me in a cab, one last smooch and that was it. That was Thursday night. I texted him Saturday to come eat Chinese food, this is more of a bat signal that I was thinking about him. I didn't expect him to come or even to reply, but I haven't heard from him since that night out. I'll be leaving it up to him now. I'm having a hard time gauging how much I'm allowed to enjoy this.

I know some of you are thinking I'm awful for still wanting to pursue this even after admitting having a girlfriend. Some of you think I'm wasting time for one reason or another and some of you might just wanna know what's gonna happen next -if anything- like me!

Honestly I'd be curious to hear from a straight guy's POV.

Ciao for now,


Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Lady In Waiting

AND STILL! This guy is hilar. Totes bad at making plans, and even worse at general texting. I kinda love it.

Anyway, o I had the best pre-birthday week ever. When my 30th rolled around on Friday, the 4th, I actually woke up with some gnarly congestion, teary eyes, and a pounding -non-hangover related- headache.  But let's work backwards:

3:20am: Booty calling 30+mins after 2 unanswered texts spaced 3minutes apart. I was feeling needy. WHERE'S MY MANTTENTION!? Don't judge.

3:19am - 11:30ish: Oh hi, I was taken to the Strip Strip Hooray afterparty at Sleep No More by the new love my life Natasha Estrada. I was so happy to see Francine, Bettina May, Tansy, and BooBoo Darlin there too! And how could I forget Jo Boobs , as well as Johnny Porkpie! (Look them up, they're all incredible people & performers!) Obviously cast members Dita, Murray, the Vontourage, Perle Noire, and even Monsieur Romeo were there! Hubba hubba. Oh yeah, I saw Alan Cumming too! It's been a few years, but we picked up right where we left off! With a double boob grab obvi. I'd feel bad about all the name dropping but #SorryNotSorry - it was fabulous and I was honored to have been invited!

11p-8:30ish: SHOW TIME! Got to meet and spend time with some amazing women! I won't even go into it, check us out - woot woot!

8:00-6:30: I was stuffing my face at John's of 12th with Shrimp Parmigiana! Yum.

AND before all of this I was dressing myself in my new PUG Vamp Top - my first ever tiger print anything (other than a bayside tiger costume) and I wore it with my Dixiefried Perfect Pencil Skirt!

This is what 30th Birthday Eve looks like!

Last week I mentioned I was going to have a drink at Mr. Bartender's work on Wednesday night and I did and it was fab. He couldn't be funnier if he tried! Here's the latest quip:
Me: Where are we going tonight?
Him: Whoa is that French? What is this we talk?

Get it? I was dying. Yet here I am, not having heard from him 3 hours later than he said. No biggie, I needed to get this done I guess :)

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, October 1, 2013


My birthday week started yesterday as far as I'm concerned. After spending the day recouping from my college bff's wedding, I went to the Golden Pastie awards! Although I'm 1% sour I didn't get to be a presenter ONE MORE TIME, I was over the moon to enjoy the show and the fabulous company!  My weekend was filled with so much laughter, sweet dance moves, and a lot of sweat. Just perfect.

Friday is the big day, but before I rush to my altar of aging, I've got another exciting couple of nights ahead: 1) This dude, STOPPED BY MY WORK TODAY. A little crazy, because I was thinking about him all morning and figuring out when to go have a drink at HIS job. I was trying to not be so eager and I guess it worked in my favor? Who knows! I'll be seeing him Wednesday.
2) Thursday night, I've been invited by the fabulous Supreme Overlord of Pinup Girl Clothing to the Dita Von Teese / Natasha Estrada / Murray Hill Strip Strip Hooray Burlesque Show! I cannot be more grateful for the people I have in my life. So looking forward to this night, aaaahhhhhh!
3) If it feels right, I'll be getting my knuckles tattooed at Hand of Glory on Friday, my actual birthday. We'll see!

I am so sleep deprived - for all good reason - but I am ready to hit the hay. I hope you have a wonderful week, and in spirit I'll be carrying you all with me while I celebrate an exciting milestone!! Thanks for stopping by <3

Ciao for now,


There's a playfully edited picture from Sunday night. I got to wear my Silver Glitz dress by Bettie Page Clothing again!

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

You Guyssssss!

Aw man, my fam & friends co-conspired and ended up surprising me at our family picnic on Sunday! I really had no idea! I invited people over (like I usually do when we have picnics) and some people reply, some people don't, so I never really know who's gonna show up! My birthday isn't for another almost 2 weeks so although I had jokingly said "my mom better have a cake for me,"  I was just ready to enjoy my family, have Sunday off & some good eats!

Something weird also happened which added to why I couldn't fall asleep Monday night despite being SO tired. I say weird, but I mean wild. Perhaps coincidental, perhaps the universe at it's best!! My friend Rebekah (whom you all should know by Bex now) also came by on Sunday. We got to talking about ideal salaries and she told me to email her. While I haven't emailed her yet, I actually sat down and wrote out my monthly expenses and IDEAL allotment for rent, life, groceries, etc..and A) It wasn't a crazy amount, actually it was very "normal" B) I was impressed that I can stay afloat in my current position C) Later that day, a friend posted a job listing with the exact number I calculated for my weekly budget....CRAZY!!! No biggie right? Well I'm looking into it.

Even if you're not looking for work or keeping your options open, sitting down with my expenses and bills really clarified for me not only where my money is going but also where I want it to start going. I also felt super organized and aware and very lucky to be where I am!

Dude update: I haven't heard from Blue Balls yet!
OLD dude news: I found myself comforting him through this transition of moving on. WHAT IS MY LOT IN LIFE?! Also, Leah if you read this I completely forgot to tell you about this on our car ride back to NYC Monday morning hahah!

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Just Say Not Yet

Over a month ago, I tipped a bartender $20 on a $40 tab by accident. Last week we went out and I didn't pay for anything.....THAT is an investment.

It was very random how our night out came to be and I was resisting because I was working and then had a goal of packing for LA AND I was exhausted. He was persistent (on his only day off, and after he even stopped by my workplace -cray!) and offered to meet in Bay Ridge. My first thought:  no one comes to Bay Ridge unless they're trying to get in my pants!

So we went to a local pub I've always wanted to check out and we were 2 of the 4 people there including the bartender. Luckily they had a pool table and this is where we spent most of the night. It was really fun actually. I was a little reserved at first, perhaps intimidated by him, perhaps confused that someone was actually trying to hang out with me. Whatevs, we ended up smooching a few hours later and it was ok haha but I'd do it again. By the time I was walking him back to his car - he was hilariously asking to come upstairs.

Boy: Don't make me beg, it's not my MO. Pleeeaaase (I was laughing so hard.)
Me: No way, I'm just not feeling it tonight. Another time!
Boy: C'mon I only need 42 minutes....ok 38. (I'm laughing even more.) You're leaving me with these blue balls.
Me: *Puts hands in air* I DID NOT GIVE YOU ANYTHING!
Boy: Oh you're right, next time be sexier.

I was laughing so hard at this point and started to walk away. You can't write this stuff folks! I haven't heard from him yet, he did mention having to "figure something out, so it's good I was saying no." I have a feeling he's in some sort of long distance relationship. Whatever, I'll keep you updated if anything exciting happens!

Ciao for now,


Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Keep on Rollin!

I had 2 shows last week (Thursday & Saturday) and am still high on life because of them! I took some time away and used "I'm working a lot" as a sort of fear-based excuse for not  feeling inspired nor feeling confident about costuming. I needed a little boost (or swift kick in the ass), which started with Kitty Nights a few weeks ago, and has now grown. I was so gracious to receive some amazing feedback and am ready to keep this ball rolling!

Today I started to work on a costume that has been in my head for weeks now. I also rhinestoned some new shoes I got at a super great price while in Atlantic City - thank you outlets - and also added some more oomph to my patient black lace pumps!

I couldn't resist a little "TT" embellishment either! BEWARE extreme foot close-up - and you're welcome to the foot freaks ha!

Obsessed with them!
Well I don't have any shows scheduled right now but You better believe I'm gonna start chasing them again!

Saturday night, I'll be heading back to play at BB Kings for a great show - grab your tickets and come hang out!!

Remember: surround yourself with people that inspire you. Be the person you want to be!

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Atlantic City!

I really love Atlantic City. I don't exactly have a reason why, but I do!
Perhaps it's because I grew up coming here a lot? I've been walkin this boardwalk for years!
Perhaps it's like being on vacation, but not having to go too far away? Who knows!?

My parents had some timeshare days to burn before the end of the year so I took their offer of a long weekend away. Yesterday, I left my hotel around noon time and decided to check out the outlets. I usually find good stuff and a lot more shops have opened since my last visit. Funny enough, a friend of mine from NYC happened to be down and staying not too far away so I met up with her to have a spiked frozen lemonade at the new Bikini Bar at Bally's, yum! Today, my friend and her little girl (my fake goddaughter) are coming to play! Pool or beach I'm not sure yet!

ATTENTION! Quick change of topic: I'm curious to know what you'd all say about your 30s? My birthday is fast approaching and I'm excited - I've always liked birthdays - but apparently I should be even more excited about turning 30. I'm not bummed, I'm just normal about it. Hooray, I made it?!

I've been toying with the idea of officially writing about turning 30, particularly how many times I've heard (and keep hearing) "your 30s are great." Also, by officially I mean to perhaps submit it to magazines or something. What do you feel about your thirties? Not 30 yet? How do you feel in general about turning it? Way past - how were they? TELL ME!

What are you doing Thursday? I'll be at Nurse Bettie hangin with Calamity Chang and her regular show! Come check it out.
And Saturday I'll be at R Bar (for the first time) with some of my fave ladies behind Burlesque Bikini Bootcamp!
2 chances this week to come support live entertainment! While in AC I definitely wanted to see a show and I went to "Divas" at Resorts with drag impersonators: Joan Rivers hosts, Dolly Parton charms, Prince shakes it, Liza killed i, but I did miss Marilyn & JLo. Boooo!! I don't know if I mixed up showtime or I just didn't pay attention to the time but I got there late and the very kind woman let me in for free and found me a seat - woohoo, score! I'm pretty sure the last time I seeked out a show while down here was Roseanne at House of Blues AND THEY LET ME IN FREE TOO! #LuckyGirl

I just hastagged in a blog, I should go. I'm going to LA in a couple of weeks for one of my regular freelance gigs with Us Angels/Blush. Hangin with kids at a photoshoot? Peanuts!

Thanks for stopping in, maybe I'll see you at a show!

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, August 13, 2013


- I have laundry out the wazooo (Thankfully off tomorrow and will take care of ALL of it)
- My 30th birthday is less than 2 months away: I'll accept gift cards to Bettie Page Clothing, Sephora, Macy's, Pinup Girl Clothing, Bloomingdale's and Fluevog....thank you in advance. (haha just sayin!)
- There's a commercial that says  "Rooster's Comb" like 5x and it cracks me up every time.

My cousin got married and it was SO much fun. I love weddings. All of them. I'm a big fan of family & celebration believe it or not. I didn't feel well throughout though - eventually my dinner got yacked up (Yeah, ew, sorry.) but after that I had a blast (and now I wasn't drunk). It was essentially a big reunion. After my Dad left, me, my mom and brother were in upstate NY almost every weekend with my cousins. We had so many family friends we grew up with that we'd consider them extended family. Saturday night I saw a few people that I hadn't since I was about 10 years old. Such an overwhelming night!

On Sunday, I had my first show in some time. It felt really good to be back in a dressing room, putting on all my fixins. The weekly Kitty Nights show - produced by awesome queen bee Fem Appeal - used to be REALLY intimidating to me. It's usually a really fun, supportive audience made up mostly of performers. That freaks me out. I used to focus too much on the idea that they were watching the show with a much more critical eye but this past Sunday was probably the best I've felt. Maybe it's culmination of all sorts of things not just a performer mentality. I've been feeling good about myself in general! 
I also had a Photo Journalism student from Columbia Univ following me! She was assigned a project and decided to focus on a performer. She is originally from Paris and had loved burlesque for years. It was a pleasure to help her out and I'm looking forward to seeing the shots. She was having a hard time finding someone available and with a show and she has a deadline. Glad I replied!

Time to get ready for work - I'll see you cats & kittens later, meow!

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Jet Setting

...only gives me puffy eyes and broken out skin, but I'm not complaining this time around!!

So here's what happened, if you hang out with me all over the interwebs and read last week's blog you'd know something was cooking last Monday night.  I happened to be watching The Real - a brand new talk show only screening in select cities for a 4-6 week (I forget how long) run. I hopped on the website to see more info about it, I had seen it before but I was introducing it to my roommate. If you haven't seen or heard about it, in simplest terms it's The View with a panel of woman of color: black, Asian, Latina, even Tamara Mowry reppin' the mixed peeps!

Anyway, on the website there was a "Tell us who your favorite cast member is and why" entry box so I wrote literally about 5 solid sentences about Loni Love essentially being an inspiration both professionally and personally, how she is the woman's woman despite her being a plus size black woman she is easy to relate to by so many different types of people, and I wrapped it up by calling her my sista from another mista. I failed to read that this was an actual contest and my entry got the attention of producers and I was called about 5 hours later on Monday. I got to chat with producer James, who was fantastic. The idea of the contest was to bring in the cast member's biggest fan from around the country and have them sit in on the finale taping as a "super fan" and ideally meet the cast.  I was offered an all expenses paid trip to LA and I said yup!

So Wednesday morning I'm in LA getting picked up to taken to Warner Brother's Studios. CRAZY!!! I could have walked around the lot all day. I was overwhelmed by all the history on those streets, in those offices, on those sets. It was really an amazing experience just standing there looking around. (The PA taking care of us was originally from Jersey too. Wild, we're everywhere! She had moved out there about 5 months ago, it was cool to talk to her. Inspiring too, even though she probably has no idea.)

As were waiting in our own dressing room for the producer, I realize he's already checked in with everyone except for me and now we were waiting to walk to set. I figured he's busy and things change from one second to the next, no biggie. Long story even longer, throughout the taping we start watching clips about the other girls being surprised by their fave cast member either backstage or on set. I'm thinking hmmm, well I wasn't informed about this nor had I pre-taped anything so perhaps something on set?? Well, before I knew it the taping was wrapping up and I hadn't met Loni or even the producer. Needless to say I was bummed. I don't know why I had been flown out and spent so much money on to sit in the audience. Every thought flew through my mind, did I say something wrong, did I look wrong, etc...while walking back to our dressing rooms the one Producer's Assistant said "we need to get your info for Loni's publicist. I don't want you to feel left out." I confessed that I sorta did and was just a little confused. Either way, I snapped out of it and took one last look around. I dreamed about who might have stayed in my dressing room as the studio to Casablanca was just below....and obviously, I told the producer if he ever needs a tattooed white girl with "alternative" style for the show that I have his back. BOOM!

Looking for something to do this week? Thursday night find me at Lucille's in BB King's emceeing the Sun Records Tribute Night! And Sunday night I'll be back at Kitty Nights at Mug Lounge with Fem Appeal and crew! Hope to catch you this week, thanks for stopping by!

Ciao for now,


 More Pics:

Monday, July 29, 2013

End of July Already?!

Holy smokes!!
August & September are shaping up to be awesome!!
I've got weddings/funerals - whatever you people call it HA!, friends are having babies, people are turning 30, I've got shows booked, an LA gig with my usual company, AND I'm even sneaking in a mini getaway to Atlantic City to relax and read by the pool!

So excited. Nothing is more soothing to me than a booked calendar no matter what's on it! I think Joan Rivers said that when her calendar is empty is when she starts to panic. I feel you sista!!

I also -at press time hahah- am waiting to get a confirmation for something tonight/tomorrow. Something SO crazy and out of the blue and totally by chance. Keep an eye on my Facebook, Twitter, and/or Instagram for the announcement! Even if it falls through I'll share my exciting few hours of anticipation!

Not much else to say except that you should definitely check out my friend's band - Dennis Cahlo and The Change. I FINALLY got a chance to see them and I was really impressed. My friends MP of Everyday Detox and I were joking that anytime a friend has a new band or a new album you think "aw, cute, good for them" but when it's actually really good there's a huge difference hahah Bexlife was there too. We rule! I know good people, trust me!

While staring at my calendar for a few minutes, I decided to take an honest step away from my 2nd or 3rd or whatever number job you call it as a personal assistant. Even when part part time and for someone fab, it's demanding and can be stressful so I found it unfair to not only myself but more so my boss if I didn't come clean. You cannot be a good employee if you're not taking care of yourself. Hashtag bittersweet!!

Last post, I almost didn't put up because I was feeling super not myself and was taking my day off to actually just be off. I was in my pajamas until the following morning and had slept whatever I needed to off! I'm feeling much better now, thanks! Anyway so about a week and half ago I ended up hosting red carpet interviews for a short film event called The Nickel Series, my new friend and president of the NY Chapter of Pinups for Patriots, is the founder of the event and was fabulous as ever. It was a night of short films and it was made clear that unlike a festival it was a forum to show projects that might not otherwise screen. There were no awards given out, just a safe & supportive environment for showcasing unseen talent AND it was at the legendary Players Club...what?!! Hello genius! I met some amazing talented & interesting people. Truly a great night for all sorts of reasons! Can't wait to see some of the footage, my sunburn and wit both brought their A-game.

Hope you have a great!! See you later gators..

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, July 23, 2013


I'm always skeptical about sharing videos but this one is edited beautifully aside from my performance ha!

This song never gets old. Even this remixed version which I absolutely love. I've done this act a handful of times and all different venues. It was a pleasure to present it on the Le Poisson Rouge stage. This is from the Babes in Boyland show I did with the ladies of Burlesque Bikini Bootcamp! The intro was a bit hilarious because the amazing host Sweetie didn't know I was on the other side of the stage so she didn't wanna get off until she saw me haha! Thank you to Jennifer Zorza for this!

Fun Fact about the night: I had forgotten my iPod at home therefore hadn't been able to listen to my song since 6a while getting ready for work. During intermission I went to the sound booth to take a listen or 2 and realized I had emailed the original AND WRONG version of the song. I immediately freaked out!! The killer DJ helped me find it on YouTube, download it, and I ran to the stage with literally 30seconds to spare. SHOWBIZ!!!

Sorry for the delay, I've been sleeping off this weird feeling so today's post was going to be delayed until next week. Well I woke up, had some dinner and figured it was time to share this. After all it was from April I think!

Thanks for hanging!!
Ciao for now,


Tuesday, July 16, 2013


Hi you guysss!
I had the most amazing weekend, well Saturday really. Exhausting, but worth every yawn (and bad "tan" line).

During the day, I had the absolute pleasure of meeting and shooting with the amazing women that are the newest members (like myself) of the New York chapter of Pinups for Patriots.  I've said it before and I'll say it a thousand more times: there is nothing more invigorating to my ambition than meeting someone who has lived and continues to live an outstanding's an even bigger nudge when that person is a woman.
I met an ex-combat surgeon deployed to Kuwait 3 times and has now been back for a month working her civilian job as a pediatric cardiologist AND another woman who served in the Army for 10 years, was deployed 2 times to Iraq as a broadcast journalist and has now decided to pursue a television production career. BOOM!
Who have you met lately? I think the universe makes it happen for a reason. Have some faith in it!

Here's an outtake from a group shot! Everyone looked incredible as their pinup alter egos! Thanks to photog Mark Doyle as well. I cannot freakin wait to see all the pics!

Saturday night - after a 10 minute hair/makeup touch up at home - I zipped out the door and headed to BB King's in Times Square.  It was my honor to emcee the dinner & show portion of the night in Lucille's.  The Bobby Volkman Trio - friends of mine from Long Island whom I hadn't had the chance to see live yet - were performing (Yes, that's a 15 year old guitar genius leading the pack of talent!). In response to an offer proposed by their manager, also a friend, I saddled up to get the audience ready for the show and to hang around in between sets. Frankly it was quick, simple fun and if nothing more comes of it (which I'm sure it will) I can put on paper I have been on stage at the legendary BB King's. What whaaaat?!

I headed to Jersey on Sunday to have dinner with my family to celebrate my big bro's bday. It was my first time seeing him since his return from Costa Rica. He looked really great and I loved hearing his stories. Wish he woulda stayed there for longer though to work and REALLY try living a different life, but he said he didn't have the desire to. I hope he has the desire to do something else soon...

Looking forward to a red carpet gig where I'll be interviewing. If you're coming to The Nickel Series, watch your back *wink

Hope you have a nice week's going to be hot so stay hydrated. No lie. That shit scares me, carry water with you all day!!

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, July 9, 2013


The longer I live and "struggle" in NYC the more I find how it effects other people.  Weird, right? When I can't afford something, or I can't buy something or I can't go somewhere, some people are offended and even become judgmental as if I'm offending them somehow. I've been looked at with eyes that say "aww, you'll grow up one day" or better yet, my fave: grow the fuck up already. My response is always similar in that I ask, "What's your problem? I'm the one who living through it."

The starving artist thrives in NY and also understands how subjective the word "thrive" is.  I'm comfortable saying that everyday he is reminded of his sacrifices, something he or she is missing out on. For some this helps push them and for others this can crush their dreams.  It is no easy feat to give up pedicures, or vacations, or parties, fresh vegetables, seeing shows, weekend getaways, or a silly BRUNCH even because you simply cannot afford it, but that is the reality I live. Some people get it, some don't. I constantly have to remind people it is my CHOICE. No one is making me do this, perhaps that fact is what makes them so uncomfortable.

I find it really backwards that I have to defend why I can't make it somewhere. Or even more humiliating having to admit that at my age I can't afford certain things. In a lot of eyes I am labeled either selfish, or childish, irresponsible even but the joke is on them. I am working more than I am not and the need to clarify this is what I find the craziest so this is why I lay low when I must and continue the fight.

This weekend I'm shooting with Pinups for Patriots for our 2014 calendar - Miss October comin atcha! It happened to be available so I jumped onto my Birthday month...I'M SO EXCITED! Also I'll be doing my first ever red carpet interviewing at a really cool event for short films called The Nickel Series. Come check it out!

Hope you had a wonderful 4th of July (weekend if you were lucky) I had work but afterward got to run out to the Dances of Vice event Rockabilly Night Market and had SO much fun. It's rare I get to go out so I was really happy to get see a lot of friends and even joined in the twist contest! Go dance your day away, thanks for stopping by :)

Ciao for now,


PS: Bill, the creator of the blog Tattoosday happens to live in my neighborhood and I've seen him about 2 times in the past week. Check out the blog, it's really fun and might even inspire your new piece!

Monday, July 1, 2013

What do I want?

I  feel that lately so many people have been asking me what it is that I want and my answer is simple:
I don't want to worry about money anymore.
Isn't that what everybody wants? I want to be comfortable, freer to do the things I want and if I'm lucky enough,  I can provide this reality for my family and even some friends.

I think what's harder for me to define is how I want to make that happen. I really want to do so much, at least once. I know I wanna work in showbiz. Whether it's television, film or more preferably live entertainment.  No easy feat but I've been fortunate enough to have had a taste of all of the above and I know I wanna keep going! I like knowing the business side of the industry, but I LOVE being on the creative end and that's what I'll continue to strive for!

This weekend was a blast! A long day spent in the hot sun ( better than the rain the news was trying to schedule) made for a successful event with Bettie Page Clothing. Our team hit the crowd at the 4 Knots festival, sponsored by The Village Voice newspaper. An annual music event filled with vendors, live bands, a VIP boat, that is FREE to enter!  BPC had prime location and the only photo booth - check out the pics here.

This summer is proving to be SO promising. Especially in regards to my pre-30 bucket list. (Yes, I'm gonna be 30 in October, I know I don't look a day over 22 HA!) I've got some exciting things lined up including a calendar spot with Pinups For Patriots, possible nude modeling for a drawing class (because why not?!), and more improv classes! Got some shows lined up for August to look forward to too! I'm also trying to figure out what sort of videos to start fooling around with making. What do you wanna see? I really like interviewing so I'm thinking of bringing some cools peeps over. Let me know if you have any requests/ideas!!

Thanks for stopping by - Happy Summer officially!

Ciao for now,


Monday, June 24, 2013

Ray of Sunshine

Where to begin! If you follow Tina Tassels on Facebook, Twitter, or even Instagram you would have heard that I had some cool things going on last week!

First, I had an interview with ladies who run the recently established New York chapter of Pinups for Patriots and I was chosen to be on the team AND in the calendar!! So honored. I don't have money to donate to organizations and frankly I'm not sure how I feel about it, but this is seems like the perfect something where I can cross 2 bucket list items off: volunteer work and being in a calendar. Cray!!!

Second, I took my first ever Improv class. It was really interesting and super challenging at times. I think the hardest part for me was working off of someone. Ya know, maybe it's not that ,but I felt very put on the spot. And I feel like everyone in the class except for a couple of us were all actors in training. That was incredibly intimidating to me. I feel really comfortable on stage, alone and paying attention to my audience but when I felt a sort of responsibility for my fellow stage-sharer I immediately was closed off. What it has definitely done though is made me eager to seek out and take advantage of every FREE class being offered throughout the city. It was invigorating, to say the least!!

Had a great conversation on Sunday. It was my college roommate's wedding shower and it was perfect. So chic: no games, no present unwrapping, nothing she didn't want. It was a small reunion of sorts and a huge making of new friends. Post-shower we all went out for drinks and the last 3 of us standing ending up having such an intense chat mostly about feeling this itch for wanting more. Of taking advantage of the city we live in, of disciplining ourselves to seek out the things we want. To stop waiting. To stop making excuses. One of my fave things MC said though, was that even if you're working a job you don't really want it is your responsibility to do it and do it well. You agreed to it and owe it to your coworkers to be present 100%. Once you lose that, well it's time to move on.  Sheesh, it was an enlightening way to end a great week.

On a stupid note - I need to install my air conditioner. The nights are getting warmer *sigh I love windows open, but I think it's time.  My boob sweat seems to breaking records past. My girls are dripping wet. Soaking though my white top,, just begging to be cooled down by an ice cube slowly making it's way over them...
your welcome for the soft core porn.

Thanks for checking out Big Hips, Big Dreams (again)!
Ciao for now,


Monday, June 17, 2013

Back to Business!

Dang, that was some serious PMS hahah now it's MS and I'm falling asleep anywhere I sit for more than 5mins. So corny.

I have to send a huge thank you into the world. Specifically to each and every one of you who read my blog and sent me a text, an email, a letter, a facebook message, anything!  There were so many amazing messages from calming & inspiring words to sharing your own stories to virtual hugs - it was overwhelming, but incredibly reassuring that NONE OF US ARE ALONE! She & Him's new album Volume 3 has a great, anthem-like song called Together, it pretty much sums this up: And we all go through it together, but we all go at it alone.

There were a few messages - of course with good intention - telling me to not get angry, to not get down, to not let things "get to me". I had to disagree. I felt like the people writing it were completely bottled up and closed off. You never know how they're feeling and I find it so unhealthy. Like ticking time bombs. I never wanna give up how sensitive I am. I call it a curse & a blessing. I figure the day I stop feeling anything is the day I don't deserve to wake up.  What's the sense of living?!

I'm still bummed out about the dude. Not angry, I guess disappointed. More sand fallen through my fingers...sigh*

I have an interview Wednesday morning with Pinups for Patriots, am looking forward to being considered as a calendar girl! THEN on Thursday I signed up for a 2hr crash course Intro to Improv with The Barrow Group! It's not much but it's so much more than nothing at all!! Looking forward to it and I can't wait to report back!

I hope you have a nice week ahead - thanks again for stopping by!

Ciao for now,

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Sooooo Angry!!

I've been in a shitty mood. For all sorts of stupid reasons and frankly I don't know why everything has just crept up on me. I'm angry about things I can't control. I haven't been sleeping well. I'm feeling really bitter. I'm short tempered. Everyone is getting on my nerves. I wanna be alone but I'm feeling lonely. I miss my friends. I feel like crying a lot throughout the day. I'm feeling sorry for myself...
How pathetic.

I'm mad that he didn't call me again. I'm mad because I'm broke. I'm mad because I have to work weekends. I'm mad I don't live in Manhattan. I'm mad my parents don't have an apartment I can live in for free. I'm mad I can't afford improv classes both the price & the time. I'm mad that I can't afford fancy costumes. I'm mad that he got married. I'm even more mad that I had a crazy vivid dream about him realizing it was a mistake. I'm mad that I don't discipline myself nearly enough when it comes to rehearsal. I'm mad because all week I said I was gonna start writing more and I didn't pick up my notebook once.  I'm mad I don't look like ScarJo in "He's Just Not That Into You".  I'm mad I don't have the time to deal with my Dad's paintings. I'm mad I don't live alone. I'm mad my parents barely talk to each other. I'm mad he barely talks to me anymore. I'm mad my brother isn't more responsible with money. I'm mad I don't live closer so I can give him a place to stay.  I'm mad my jobs in LA stopped because the companies closed their doors. I'm mad I don't work "normal" hours so I'm able to make simple dinner plans with friends. I'm mad that I like doing my hair & makeup the way I do, I feel like it turns guys away. I'm mad because I feel ruined and that I'll never wanna be with anyone else. I'm mad that some of my friends and family are in awful marriages. I'm mad that Joan Rivers is aging and she's incredibly sad about it, it reminds me of my grandmom. I'm mad I don't have headshots and go on auditions. I'm mad that I smoke cigarettes because I know how awful they are and even more so for women.

I'm allowed to feel like this because about 97% of the time I'm the complete opposite. I think I'm done.

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, June 4, 2013

They always come back!

I say this a crazy laugh with wide eyes and my hands open to the sky haha damnit!

I seem to, since my teens, have the lot in life as the girl before the girl and after the girl. Shit, some dudes have even tried to make me the girl DURING the girl. Catch my drift? I'm not quite sure where or when all of this somewhat shitty experience is gonna come in handy, but I'm not getting any younger universe.

I'm coming down from a high on boytoy week. Had a couple of great nights and days with a dude. A dude that yes, I met (he approached me) & hung out with last year, he essentially disappeared, and has now reappeared. Whatevs. The usual. I ain't mad. His company is always a pleasure to be in and I'm expectation free. I welcomed him with open arms and open mouth ...duh we french kiss you guys.

I think my griping is that I'm sick of having no expectations. I am so used to this grind that I'm always mentally prepared for when it's over. Emotionally not so much, but that's OK, I like to feel whatever it is I'm supposed to feel. I also keep thinking back to the night I hung out with my former coworker and long time crush. Actually to the morning. I was completely shut down. I barely talked let alone smiled or even said I had a good time...I was so not my self. Maybe because I think of him differently than the guys I usually hang with? I dunno. But I feel like I ruined that completely. He's been busy...

I wish there was a rule book for how to get out of the friend-zone. Or even out of the friend-I-hook-up-with-sometimes-zone. I dream too much of a relationship developing organically so I won't ever give a guy a friend an ultimatum. Nor would I push him away unless I was getting way too attached and he was way too detached. I know some of you will say don't hook up with them, make it clear what you want, blah blah's not my thing. I prefer to enjoy the moments and go with the flow and then ya know, write a blog about it for you guys haha <3

So yeah, this is all definitely triggered by someone I saw this weekend too. Being around him just infuriated me. Why can't old thoughts & feelings just go away?

Ciao for now,


Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Sounds Ridiculous

but I don't talk about myself seriously that much. I know, right? Says the girl with a public diary haha I mean in person though. I'm an incredibly sensitive person who's terrified of being vulnerable because when that happens everything you believe in could get shattered into a million pieces. And it has.

I feel like my conversation last night was a great relief. He is a newer friend, that I frankly don't know that well, but we had dinner and drinks and just poured it all out. It was really nice, but there were moments I thought my lip was quivering haha oh man, what a baby. I needed it I guess. I don't spill that often.  It was also interesting to tell someone who barely knows me and has no background reference. Nothing. Not one thing to hold my story up against. It was almost embarrassing to hear myself. Refreshing though! It definitely made me reconsider somethings, some heavy self-reflection on that train ride home!

There has to be something said about attention this week. I love giving it and am working on loving the receiving end.. I'm finding myself really wanting to spoil a needy guy though. What is THAT about?! Hilarious...sugar momma status in my future??

Thursday - I picked up Calamity Chang's "Spanking the Lower Eastside" at Nurse Bettie No Cover, 9:45p gogo
Friday - I'll be taking over Dottie Dynamo's "Bare Necessitease" at Franklin Tavern No Cover, 10:30p showtime! Hosting & Performing, woot!

Ciao for now,


PS: I'm still working out the kinks of this full-time job, part-time job, stripping thing. I hope I haven't bit off more than I can chew!!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

The answer I didn't want to hear, but...

I was the one who asked: "Did you break up with her or did she..."
"She broke up with me. I didn't wanna end it."
 Well that's annoying to know.

It's weird, because him and I are just friends and frankly I hadn't seen him - only in short passing - for months but no girl ever wants to wonder if he's wishing it was another lying next to him. He might. And that's ok. I've been guilty of the same feeling, we're only human. I shoulda just kept my curiosity to myself.

I really needed what I got. I hadn't been with anyone in sometime even if only for some physical affection. It's a great feeling when someone can't keep their hands off of you in any respect. Everybody needs doses of the good stuff!

I had a work filled weekend, but then my friend's band from NJ played on Sunday. You should check out The Sirs if you get a chance. Their new album just came out. Not my preferred sound of music but they're great!

This will be my last week with pink hair for now. Platinum blonde I'm coming back for you baby!!!

Ciao for now,


PS: The humidity can die, but I'll take the heat!

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I Placed!

I laugh - a lot - at people who take my social media outlets too seriously and especially too literally. Tina Tassels is an extension of me. She is raunchy, honest, confident, seemingly mean at times, but incredibly in love with most people, places, and things she comes across, ESPECIALLY the ones I  take the time mention whether joke or not. 

I know it's risky talking about my personal life, but I throw caution to the wind since I've decided to share my experiences with you. Believe me, there are plenty of things I keep to myself, but I choose to share what I think could humor people and perhaps even teach them a little self-reflection. I never pretend I'm innocent in any situation, I believe in 50/50 as a launching pad. Where is this coming from? Dude tracked my page down online, politely asked me to remove what I wrote about him in last week's blog. Only thing I'd have to say if I would have replied: I didn't say anything untrue and don't forget, I was interested in you, fat baby head and all!

OK! So Saturday night - I got to perform with the lovely ladies behind Burlesque Bikini Bootcamp. I love these women. They are incredibly kind, professional, and encouraging. Their audiences are always so wonderful and this show was no different. Le Poisson Rouge was almost sold out. I got to meet Jean Idelle..crazy I know...she was incredibly kind, and gave the most wonderful advice when it comes to burlesque & frankly life in general: enjoy ALL of it. I performed for a living legend.

After my performance, I literally ran backstage changed and headed to Rodeo Bar - before though, I had a very kind taxi cab driver who said "sorry, but you look old, like 40" AS IF!
The Viva Van Story pinup contest was so much fun. It was great to be on the other end of the mic getting the questions asked. Frankly, I killed it. I definitely had an advantage being so used to stage so talking to the audience was peanuts. I also said a universal congrats to all the girls on stage "we fuckin rock!" Oops, curing pinup alert!!!  Anyway, I won 2nd place!! Woohoo! Got a great giftbag, and apparently I forgot my Slapback one so I'll be picking that up soon!! I also got to meet Megan Massacre (she was one of the judges) who is the sweetest, cutest thing ever. What a doll!

I might be meeting Gloria Steinem tomorrow. Just saying.

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, May 7, 2013


First, I disabled my OkCupid account. I'm over it. Don't ask. I wasn't even doing it, I don't know why I was there. Done!

FRIDAY - I'll be working the door at Take Back the 80s: NY vs NJ-obviously reppin the Dirty Jerz!
SATURDAY - So pumped...I'm starting as a performer at Babes In Boyland with my ladies of Burlesque Bikini Bootcamp, then I'll be RUNNING SO FAST to Rodeo Bar for Official Viva Van Story's Pinup Contest in which I've made it to the top ten to compete! WHAT DO I WEAR?! (ps: I'll sleep when I'm dead.)

****I HAVE DELETED A CHUNK OF GOODNESS AT THE REQUEST OF THE SUBJECT. I WOULDN'T NORMALLY EDIT, BUT I'M A PRETTY DECENT PERSON. And frankly I don't feel like responding to defend myself because I'll probably just make bad jokes and the situation will get worse ha!****

Of course the one I want to call me is busy. Ugh. Whatever! A lady in waiting once again! Except for the unending flirtations via my Twitter. ha!

Sooo I've got a busy week going on. I also recently took on a trial run as a part-time assistant to my girl Kathy Najimy. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! I am all ears & eyes. The list of things I can learn from this woman is endless. I also find myself in such a different place in my life than I was years ago as an assistant, as a new-New Yorker, as a woman. I have a feeling this is gonna be great. *fingers crossed* NOTE: I did NOT leave my post at Bettie Page. Are you crazy? I love that place!

Hope to see you at a show, at the shop or in my dreams * wink

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I go back to black.

JK! I do think I'm going back to platinum blonde though. (I know, first world announcements) Winter wasn't so bad with Pink hair I like the whole black clothes, pale skin, pink hair look but now with my fave summer dress picks my hair is REALLY throwing me for a loop. I'd like to embrace the bright dresses as I've always shied away from them. I've been trying on some fun stuff!

Remember way back when, I talked about how naturally I always wanted to make my costumes black. As though I wasn't almost naked so those few black strips of fabric would camouflage the rest of me. That although I love color, I feel much saferin black or darker colors.  Well, I'm trying to shake myself of that. Not because I don't love a chic black get up, but because I need to stop being scared of being noticed. I know you're thinking "says the girl with pink hair"...whatevs. Pink elephant in the room syndrome.

I've also been trying my hardest to take, not only advice I would give to someone, but the advice my brother gave to me: just stop. One of the last nights we hung out before he left for Costa Rica, I confessed that my number 1 stress in life (even when I was living in NJ in my parents' house) is money. I constantly worry about money. It's definitely an unfortunate family heirloom I've been passed down from my parents. The reality is I work hard, I play not-as-hard-as-I-would-like-to but hard enough, and I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, clothes on my back, blankets to keep me warm, plenty of shoes for just 2 feet...the money will come.  Strangely enough, I got an email yesterday about working part time assisting a well known comedian/actress. Thanks universe, hopefully it works out! Network, network, network!!

Hope you having a lovely beginning to Spring! Thanks again for stopping by!
Ciao for now,


May 10- I'll be reppin NJ and takin your cash at Take Back the 80s: NY vs NJ
May 11 - Back in action at Le Poisson Rouge with the ladies behind Burlesque Bikini Bootcamp at Babes in Boyland!

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Tomorrow, then a day.

Still recovering from Saturday night's Rockabilly Rumble 4 out in Long Island!!! Although I have fun everytime, this was especially fab! The turnout was amazing, a lot of new faces, double the number of girls came out for the pinup contest, the energy was just flowing!!

I got way more into the idea of singing with a band. I need to practice more and grow a pair while I'm at it!! You should check out the bands from the night. So much talent, so much heart:

Roy Wilson and The Buzzards
Big Daddy Deluxe
Johnny Carlevale & The Rollin Pins

Best names ever, right?! Ha!! We also had a doo-wop troupe of senior citizens who were probably my fave!
Here I am sitting pretty pre-Pinup Contest figuring out jokes & questions!

I'm struggling with the how soon is too soon to contact someone. I'm an honest girl, and if I wanna see someone, I'm pretty confident in making that known, but I guess I have to realize I'm not "supposed" to do that. You don't wanna scare people off, or make yourself too available, blah blah blah. I'm so not into that garbage. When someone asks about my personal life, I find myself constantly saying "I guess we'll see what happens" and that just makes me cringe. I wanna make things happen or just move on.  I'm not talking about jumping into something quickly or any of that what are we? mumbo-jumbo, I just mean life is short. If you can spend a few great days and/or nights with someone whose company you enjoy even if it doesn't turn into anything, well that it worth more to me than any night alone.

My fave song right now!! Enjoy cats & kittens <3

"Loneliness is such a waste of time" - Solomon Burke
Ciao for now,


Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Stay Away From Me

First of all, the last 2 gigs I had were so dope. Remedies for my soul, not so much for these sinuses acting up! But we're talking. I actually hate it but it really does make me feel brand new lol

I'll be getting a copy of Friday night's Take Back the 80s Show for which I performed a classic, super slow act to Prince's Purple Rain with my Brigitte Nielsen hair in tow. If I'm feeling up to it, I'll post it on my youtube channel. I haven't put a vid in awhile. I keep wanting to make more v-logs ha! I just haven't committed to taking the time out for it. I really do look forward to sharing some of my OkC messages, in full  character obvi. Will probably be the most uncomfortable & racist thing I do, can't wait!

Anyway I've been having a laugh lately over a few man-related "rumors" or whatever you wanna call em.
Firstly, a common theme in conversation about me seems to be that I'm a man-hater. Hilar, right?! I'm never shy to clarify when I'm feeling bitter, but I'm even less shy when it comes to talking about my soft spot for men. I love them all.  Obviously the horses' mouths from which these words came weren't exactly model men.  This makes it even more enjoyable! Shitty examples of their kind.

Probably my fave though, was hearing that I only go after married men so women shouldn't trust me and keep their men away. Amazing really. Don't get me wrong there are lots of good things about married men: no worry about having to commit (phew!), he WILL buy you things to keep you around (even if he said he wouldn't), and he doesn't bother you -- mainly because he can't too much. I could go on for days. Fortunate for most of you ladies, I don't want your miserable dude! He's all yours *wink

You know I have to admit I spent the night with a friend over the weekend. I had a huge crush on him when we first met and I actually hadn't seen him in over a year. Long story short, I was so annoying. I realize how nervous I was and having a "TINA! What are you thinking?!" moment that I over compensated by talking a mile a minute. In this case, whiskey was NOT helping. haha fml. Anyway, I'd like to see him again, sooner than later, but I won't be forcing anything. Besides, he's not married, definitely not my type HA!

Ciao for now,


PS:  If you follow me on Facebook, you'd have seen an update mentioning a Polack asking me out. Well he hasn't' yet but what he has done is checked my profile on OkC and is now being much friendlier and saying interesting things. I'm this close {------------} to giving him the "so when are you gonna ask me out" line but I'm gonna wait some more. I'm curious to see how it goes down.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Can't Live With 'Em,

Can't live without wanting to shoot them in the face on
It's been another holiday weekend for the books.

If you decided to become a parent (biologically or through marriage), in effect you have decided to love that child unconditionally. To protect, to support, to educate, to talk to, to understand even if you don't agree, to accept being tested, to know them, to remind yourself daily that you chose this...the hardest job in the world.

I've always wanted kids, still do - at least one anyway, but with age I find myself more and more terrified of the idea. I can't become a parent until I'm ready. I've heard people say "you're never really ready" well then I won't be having them for a while.
Anyway, this Tuesday with Tassels is extra emotional. My older and sometimes wiser brother (Georgie Porgie) has set off for his Costa Rican adventure! He has never done anything like this and I couldn't be happier. In fact, I find myself crying because A- I'm filled with worry obvi. B- He's so far away. and C- I wish I had the courage to just go. I'm so proud of him and excited for what the next -at least - 2 1/2 months bring him. Perhaps he'll stay longer and then I'll definitely go visit!!

UGH!! You can see this post was on delay. My stupid computer was fudging up so I never was able to post it last week as scheduled..whatevs, I'm here now!!

This week  is jam packed. in between long & busy work days I've been squeezing in rehearsal & costuming for Take Back the 80s Burlesque show at Parkside Lounge!! This Friday, I'm doing a new act, which is really holding my interest as a regular piece. I've been listening to Prince non-stop....just sayin.

THursday night I'll be playing the boozy guest hostess at the Metropolitan Room again for the amazing singer/song writer/"NY's Pop Poet" (and my bff) Angelo's show: Notorious P.O.P. A pop cabaret filled with crazy talent! All proceeds will benefit the Trinity Place Shelter. Last month I was in tears by the end. Come check it out, make sure to reserve your tickets ahead of time!!

Ok I'm off to relax & rhinestone!! I'm exhausted & my feet hurt like heck!

Love you guys, thanks for holding out for a week :)

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Fool Me

Saturday night I met Zander with a Z. A 39 year old, who was in town from LA on an audition. While his buddy danced with a rando girl to 90s hiphop, him and I chatted away the post-midnight hours. He was cute and pretty hilarious and definitely a few drinks deeper than I.

I came in from having a smoke and had to scoot my chair back in as I had a new neighbor at the bar.
Z: What's with the outfit?
TT: I was working a jazzy fundraiser. What's with your outfit?

After some bullshitting about stand up comedy, sex in NYC and east coast vs west coast he got to business.
Z: So are we going to your place or my friend's couch where I'm staying?
TT: I'm not going anywhere.
Z: Really? (Turns towards me) I thought I was pretty good...(I smiled) nothing?
TT: I'm not going anywhere, but I'd  hang here and makeout. Just relax, ya know?
Z: (looks away and folds his arms)
TT: Man, I'm pretty easy but ya gotta give me something.You were charming but you've barely looked at me with your face or body language and now I'm supposed to leave with you?! Be cool man, you shoulda at least fooled me a little more.
Z: What is it you want?
TT: I want it all.
Z: We all do.
TT: What do you want?
Z: I just wanna be happy.

We laughed for a bit more then Z left with his friend. I wondered what my problem was for like 5minutes, I could have had fresh manttention from a dude I thought was pretty cool.  I was 1 part nervous, 1 part annoyed, 2 parts unshaven legs and 3 parts knowing that I didn't feel like wasting energy on what only promised to be a mediocre hook up.

When I said to fool me, I meant it. Make a woman feel sexy and you'll reap the benefits. Don't guys know this? Peanuts! Sheesh.

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, March 12, 2013

I'm here again...

ugh. I'm having this battle with myself again. My costume isn't up to par for this new act so I feel like crap about performing it. I don't have the time or funds to do TOO much to it. Grrrrrr!! That aside I AM looking forward to performing. It's still 2 week away but since Bettie Page Clothing's "Bettie on the Bowery" party I've only hosted so strippin will be a huge treat!

It's funny how easy it is to give advice to the women I have the pleasure of styling all day but I can't take it myself. Simply stated: you could be wearing the best dress in the room but if you don't feel right in it, your attitude will ruin it all. It works the other way around too. Even if I can't have the costume I dream of right now, I can still give a great performance. This is a constant issue for me though, I can't seem to pep myself up so I need to work on it way more!!

On the boy note: I started to receive messages from an old something-or-other after about 6 months of barely any contact and I deflected all his flirty advances! Me-1 Him-still way ahead of me, but it's little victories! haha. Today I had a moment though and was thinking about how much I say him, he, his. I had to sit back and begin changing the way I talk about what I want out of a relationship. I always say I would have loved him more than anyone, but there was no one to love me back. Now I'm looking ahead for that 50/50 relationship I always preach about!

The sun has been shining, it 's making the days wonderful!! I hope you're doing well and eagerly awaiting Spring like me :)

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, March 5, 2013

What relationship are YOU in?

First of all, I'm this close [------] to pulling the plug on OkCupid. Guys are just as big pussies on there as they can be in real life and frankly I'm not impressed by the buffet either. I prefer the one in NJ near my parents' house....mmm, crab legs!
That said, this past weekend I had the much needed pleasure of seeing some old hometown friends and celebrating a 30th birthday. A girlfriend of mine and I (on our high single-girl horses) got into a great discussion about how 2 people in the same relationship can be on 2 completely different pages & even - for joke's sake - reading different books!

It occurred to us how many people, our friends included, are either blissfully ignorant, merely selfish assholes, or have such awful self-esteem they stay in relationships they know are doomed.  Not only that they are doomed but that they are unhealthy for both parties in the present.

I think my favorite quote so far is: "Well we either break up or I propose."
Crazy right? But it seems to happen all the time!! There's only so much you can even tell a friend of how wrong they are or how they're behavior is toxic and will eventually only make things worse. People turn a blind eye, in this case they start plugging their ears.

I get it, people are scared of being alone or they'd rather be in a mediocre relationship than...wait, I DON'T get it actually. Not anymore, maybe when we were teenagers, but what sort of life are you trying to live in our few years we have to spare on this earth?! And what sort of life are you trying to make for your partner who is investing their time as well? I'm so confused.

Picture it: a beautiful big home, each their own quality car, healthy pets, a beautiful garden, bills paid on time...they have it all right? Then, peeking inside the window you have partnerA sitting on a computer playing video games and at the other end of the house is partnerB watching tv. I can't stand it. I know someone is gonna be a smart ass and say "but they're happy"...are they? is this what their life is like for the next 30years? I'll pass.

I wanna be present. I wanna be in love. I wanna be far, so good!

Ciao for now,


PS: Work has been hectic, great, but hectic!

THIS SATURDAY, March 9 - Webster Hall -  Coney Island Spring Gala  I haven't been to this awesome party and this year I get to dress cute and sell raffle tickets!

Monday, March 25 - La Flaca - Broadway Brassy's Temple of theVirgins! Cannot wait, it's been some time that I've performed so I'm really looking forward to it! I'm pretty sure it's gonna be something new!

Thursday, April 11 - Metropolitan Room - Notorious P.O.P. returns! I get to play emcee while Angelo turns out a pop cabaret like no other! With the added guest performances, the room is overflowing with talent!!

Tuesday, February 26, 2013


Before I start I wanna clear something up. You hate celebrity? You hate all the money floating around Hollywood and "nobody caring about starving kids or homelessness"? Well I equally hate home much you bitch about it. In addition to that,  I don't see any volunteering gigs or donations on your resume either. Just sayin.

So...OMG. If you don't follow me on Facebook, or Twitter, or Instagram (obsessed btdubs) or Tumblr then you wouldn't know that I GOT TO MEET ICE & COCO!!! Ahhhhh, they came into my day job and I had the absolute pleasure of helping Coco pick out a few things & even adjust a dress over her sexy booty.

They both looked great & were SO sweet. I had to take advantage of the opportunity to tell Ice that I used to work at Law & Order and how big a fan I am of their show - then I did a whacky fangirl thing and said "I'm from Jersey too, woot!" and then I walked away. Hahah FML!

I was incredibly shy about asking for a picture, but I had to. I look awful post lunch, no lipstick and frankly, SO tired but I don't care. I'm freaking out!!

While this might seem silly or even shallow to you, it's important to me. It's only proof that the things I dream of happening (no matter how small) actually can!
  I had another rockstar day at work and I left on cloud 9. I called my mom just checking in and she could hear in my voice how happy I am. I am having a blast right now. Life is good!

Ciao for now,


PS: My Mom was sweet and said "I know Ice, but who is Coco?" you can imagine Mom voice too ha!!

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Seriously? You're so annoying.

I don't know about you, but I think about myself A LOT! Not just my absurd good looks and my beautiful mounds (hahah I'm dyin.), but about the type of person I am and  would like to be sooner than later.

I often examine the things I say or do and how I say or do them. I'm curious if or how my words and actions effect people in my daily life. I try to be hyper aware of my interactions. This isn't quite as neurotic as it sounds here...I guess I'm just a little annoyed with lots of people lately (last week I was a total bitch thanks to Aunt Flow). I'm confused by friends & lovers alike.  I feel like everyone is so clueless and on top of that they don't even care! I care. I care so much I'm boiling inside. Because of my innate desire to make sure everyone is comfortable though, I eat all the frustration.  I figure all the garbage will amount to good jokes for stage  and maybe even screen one day. Who knows!?

So this is hilarious. I'm so over OkCupid already. It just feels so unnatural to me. I have no desire to shuffle through profiles and answer questions AND THEN even say how important they are to me AND THEN explain which answers I'd "accept". Sheesh. Can't  you just chat me up at the bar? or coffee shop? or heck, even on the street! What I am finding to be interesting though, is how a few guys I know in real life are sorta paying much more attention and sorta teasing through OKC. Are they flirting? Still sissy to ask me out for a drink? Funny thing is I'd accept the offers, happily!

Ok, peace Dee I'm outtie.

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, February 12, 2013

The Casualties of Being Casual: 3

Almost a year to the day and I'm still callin the same booty. I must be frustrated because I was so annoyed with him last week.

It's such an interesting relationship we have. Frankly, I don't know if he's sleeping with anyone else, I wouldn't be surprised, but I don't care. I haven't seen him in some time though. About 4 months actually. Strangely enough we've kept in touch. I figured he'd disappear like the rest but nope, he still calls and we have real phone conversations. The thought of dating him makes me shudder though. I know I'd be over it REALLY fast.  We are very different people when it comes to the things that matter.

Anyway, this dude does NOT like changing his ways, not even for me, his white girl lover. He works, plays bass, smokes weed, practices tae kwon do, works more and does not budge. Some night ago, I had an empty apartment - a rarity - so I invited him over. His "can't wait" enthusiasm, being that it would be his first time seeing my place, quickly turned into a "wish you woulda told me sooner, I need to practice for my gig". I was fuming. It was definitely a "why don't you fuck your bass" situation. I told him I was annoyed and we had about an hour phone conversation. I came very close to hanging up on him though.

I don't know if I'm feeling needy (read: pretty H word), but I need some manttention. I still haven't uploaded a pic or finished my profile on OkCupid either. What is my problem!? I need to clarify, I'd like someone interesting and that I find attractive to spend some time with. I'm not an anyone will do kinda gal!


Ciao for now,


PS: Interested in posting on Big Hips, Big Dreams? Email submissions to! I vow complete confidentiality and will only post what I feel is worthy (hate me if you have to, sorry!). This is a free forum - share whatever you'd like!

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

The Big V!

Not virginity - I lost that a long time ago and unknowingly it would determine the rest of my life. Maybe I'll talk about that one day. No, I don't have a secret kid!
Not vagina - although I've got one and take with me everywhere I go.

I'm talkin about Valentine! Have one this year? Me neither, but there's more than a week left to get one, who knows what can happen?! I don't mind though. I always send my friends and family Valentines. My life is rich with love even without having a date!

I do enjoy though, all the bitterness the "stupid, hallmark holiday" brings out in people. It's kind of hilarious. I also love hearing the angry rants from people obviously wishing they had another but aren't out there actively looking for him or her. Not meeting anyone, no mixers, or bars, or dating sites, or having friends match them up, etc...

I'm ok being single, I believe it'll happen when it happens. I do know it won't happen though, if I'm not out in the world letting the universe bring it to me!

That said, I think I'm off from workon V-day and am planning on going to Nurse Bettie - any other ladies or gents wanna join? It's always a party and would be a fun night to enjoy Calamity Chang's show too!

THIS WEEKEND come to **Bettie on the Bowery**
The shop will be closed Friday to prep & Saturday to celebrate!
We'll be having 2 fashion shows of our Spring 2013 collection, Fall 2013 preview, I'LL BE PERFORMING 2X, champagne, music, hors d' oeuvres, some VIPs in the house, and we're launching our new perfume!

Thanks to Vintage Vandalism, you can print your flyer here!

Ok, I'm outta here gonna watch some New Girl - then I'm gonna post up on Twitter for an hour. Stop by and live tweet with me! Questions, Comments, concerns, blog topics, etc...let's Tweet! :)

Ciao for now,


PS: Don't have Instagram? Look at my $4 Goodwill find!! #ShowingOff

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The Search for Femininity

There are few people in my life that have made me feel like a woman. I don't mean in terms of sexuality but, that I am not one of the guys. I still can't shake it some days. I can't wake up, throw on a dress, and be the me I feel like internally. I struggle with my "funny fat girl" role. What's wrong with being funny? Or fat? Nothing, except when you feel like a higher power is making you character act on a daily basis.

I've worn jeans & tee shirts for most of my life (still do!). To be clear it was usually men's tees & bowling shirts from Merry Go Round. Also my classic husky jeans because the girl's section didn't have any that fit me right. I felt most comfortable not trying to be to girly. Chubby girls aren't fem.

I just finished reading an article in my New York mag (fancy shmancy!) that talks about current studies attempting to prove that we are more impressionable in adolescence than, as previously believed, in our first 3 years of life. That our brains go through a "flurry" of changes during a time in life when we are searching for an identity, living in an realistic setting, and constantly defending ourselves mentally and emotionally.

Til this day I feel masculine because I developed this "nah, I'm cool" defense mechanism to avoid caring too much, or rather SHOWING that I care about much. It essentially effects all aspects of my life: I am terrified to date and I settle when it comes to my career and even some friendships.

Why is it so hard being a plus size, confident, funny, smart girl who wears high heels (I feel like a HUGE beast in them sometimes)? I don't get it.
It's been one of those weeks...

Ciao for now,