Monday, November 29, 2010

"Fuck, I wish I was that Chair"

...that's what goes through a guy's mind watching a hot girl play with a metal folding chair...
Best title ever!

Today we had the foul-mouthed hottie, Gal Friday. I have to confess, she is my favorite performer as of now. There’s just something about her, I don’t blink when she‘s on stage. I see a lot of myself in her so in respect, she is a huge influence on me. Needless to say, I barely talked in class and hung on every word she said. 
So class was ½ Chair Dancing Basics and ½ The Art of Peeling.  We began with glove peeling. I LOVE wearing long satin gloves. I said it before, but every girl should own a pair!  We were taught different ways to remove them and a few were already my favorite but it was fun to practice them some more and learn little tricks to make them smoother & sexier.  I loved a couple specific teases that brought the attention back to my boobs. Not only do I love them (haha!) but because it’s important to work with what you have and focus less on what you’re lacking. 

Moving onto chair work we first did some peeling off of thigh-high stockings …cute!  Gal gave us a little history on real vintage stockings vs. modern/cheap ones.  I don’t know about anyone else but I love stockings in general. I have a hard time with thigh-highs though because I have huge thighs and they don’t stay on as well. Booo! I mean my thighs are great but really soft so therefore need their particular size to look cute. Today’s stockings were small on me but we’re fine for learning.  I like watching other performers peel their’s off but I’ve personally never cared for really getting into it. I always wanted to learn it but at this point have no desire to shed them on stage!

OK, Next was chair dancing. Again we learned an entire routine.  This was a bit challenging for me and I felt much less sexier than I thought I would. Not the entire dance but the sitting on the chair parts I felt like my ass and thighs were so spread out, covering the entire chair (because naturally that’s what happens when you sit down sans jeans/tight bottoms, duh!).  Looking at myself in the mirror, I didn’t care for what I saw. There was a specific move where you kick your legs up so you’re using your core for extra support and somewhat bracing yourself with your hands. This was hard for 2 reasons: 1) I have no core muscles and 2) Keeping your body crunched up like that is much more complicated when you’ve got a lot of weight in your thighs and lower “abs”.  I know I’m totally PMS-ing right now (sorry for TMI) but I got really upset and felt like a hippo sitting on a child size stool.  Blah! BUT THEN we got up and started flirting more with the audience using our ever so slow walk (in heels of course), making eye contact with the faux audience, exaggerated bumps-n-grinds, and eventually caressing the chair.  That is when I got carried away (in a good way) because I felt like the audience was on the edge of their seats wondering where this was gonna go.  I personally felt this routine to be a reminder as to how important it is to take your time and enjoy each move, don’t feel like you have to be doing something big and wild every second of your routine.  I would love to chair dance eventually I just need to work on my body more!
It was our 4th & final class of the Essential Series - boooo! I feel that AT LEAST one more would have been perfect either to use the time as a practice run for our showcase or just one chance to meet and work with a new teacher/performer/personality.  Although a few of us dreamt it’d last as long as a normal semester. Ugh…I felt like everyone was just getting really pumped and now it’s all gone. Forever. Just kidding, I don’t mean to be dramatic but it’s less than 2 weeks away from our show and I feel like I’ll be outta practice. Waiting 6 days for the next class was torture enough!!

My favorite part(s):  Gloves & Boobs.
The hardest part(s):  Keeping my legs up while maintaining sexiness.
What I learned:  I need to practice my showcase routine and not feel so in need of using props and making big moves every second. Slow it down Tina Tassels!

I’ll be working on my costume & getting my routine down for the next 10days. It’s crunch time ladies & gents!

Ciao for now,

Dec 10 9p-11p $15 - more info here
Student Showcase: where us newbies strut our stuff for the first time!
Coney Island, Sideshows by the Seashore
Dec 11 4pVIP/5pmREG-10p $25VIP/$20REG - more info here
Although I won't be performing, I'll be a "Special Guest" - hooray! Come enjoy some new cocktails & good company.
Brooklyn, The Green Building

Monday, November 22, 2010

Elephant in a Tutu

BEFORE CLASS: I’m feeling nervous. My fear set in late last week but I thought it’d disappear so I didn’t mention it in the last blog. Being without a doubt, the biggest girl in my class I feel I have to work extra hard to accomplish what I want in my performance; to be laughed with and not laughed at, to be cheered for and not mocked.  I don’t need words of encouragement here (or maybe I do, who knows?) I just need to verbalize or in this case writerize (ha!) what‘s going through my head and heart.  And I know that I’ve already gone on and on about how accepting and welcoming the Burlesque audience is, but I’m having “naked big girl in a room full of naked small girls” anxiety. I cannot stop chewing my nicely grown nails. Yuck! And all of this is where my title came from - it's what I've been feeling like lately.

AFTER CLASS:  There’s no turning back, not for Tina Tassels!
We had our 3rd class today: Fan Dance, Strutting, and Walking. The amazing, gorgeous, and hilarious Jezebel Express (whose blog you can read here) was our instructor. I am sad that I am yet to see her perform but I’ve been following her for some time now.  Seeing a girl with a bigger rack and ass than mine teaching us how to showgirl walk was nothing short of exactly what I needed. (I say this all with love Jez!) It wasn't because I was smaller it was because how beautiful and graceful she looked. She said we could stalk her with questions of any kind and I insisted that I probably would because I’m filling up with fear about my size. She had the kindest things to say (including that she’s read my blog, OMG!) and totally made the rest of my day.  Thanks girl! <3

Ok…Fan Dancing = hard. Until you are used to the weight of them, your arms and hands go numb. Until you get used to when to twist your wrists and where to face your hands, your fans will be uneven and you’ll probably hit yourself in the face - which I did.  The fans were so beautiful though and we learned an entire routine! There were only 2 pairs of large ostrich feather fans available so we were learning with smaller ones. After learning the dance, start-to-finish, 2 of us at a time danced for the class using the large ones. It was so great to finally get a feel for them (I‘m not sure about the others, but I definitely hadn‘t held a pair before). In my opinion the fans took up a lot of my attention so I wasn’t pointing toes or smiling as much (except when I was laughing at myself for messing up).  They did though, feel super soft and sensual on your skin. I should probably own a pair soon.

We also learned a few different types of walks. It was important to be shown what an impact a little knee bending and/or a pointed toe can do for the length of your legs. This was a good tip for me! We also strutted around in mock high heels (we aren’t allowed to wear shoes in this particular space).  It was cute kicking our heels up and I shared how I felt like the ballet dancing ostrich in Fantasia, so dainty and feminine! I loved the Left-Right-Bump walk. Having big hips comes in handy here and makes the walk look so much more womanly...hubba hubba!

December 10 is creepin up so fast. Today after class a few of us girls got together and made pasties and worked on our costumes. My good friend and NON-SOB student, MK,  joined us too and put pasties on for the first time (well, I think it was her first time!). The clock is ticking and we’re freaking out, in a good way, but still freaking out! Red wine, sequin trim, and topless girls make for a great Sunday night!

My favorite part(s): Walking with Jezebel.
The hardest part(s): Getting my hands to face the right ways with the fans in em! Booo!
What I learned: How important your face is! If you look bored, nervous, or confused (naturally vs. unintentionally) the audience is also gonna be bored, nervous, and confused. Smile, pout your lips, do something to prove that you're enjoying yourself because hopefully you are!

I just got back from LA and am exhausted. I cannot wait to put my head down. In the coming weeks I have intense costume planning/making to do, I have to get my props together, some routine choreography finalization, & just chill the fuck out and do this!

Ciao for now,

Dec 10 9p-11p $15 - more info here
Student Showcase: where us newbies strut our stuff for the first time!
Coney Island, Sideshows by the Seashore
Dec 11 4pVIP/5pmREG-10p $25VIP/$20REG - more info here
Although I won't be performing, I'll be a "Special Guest" - hooray! Come enjoy some new cocktails & good company.
Brooklyn, The Green Building

Monday, November 15, 2010

Brave Women Are So Inspiring!

Class 2: Bring an item of street clothing to strip off.
Street clothing is any piece of clothing that's not intended to be stage stripped. No secret snaps, easy zipper pulls, velcro etc..

I felt totally lame and uncreative when all I brought was a zip-up top (totally sexy off the shoulder fitted zip up but none-the-less a plain old zip up).  I should have known better!! Never underestimate the teachings of the SOB! All I needed was a zipper, sexy music, and good timing peppered with some tease!
SO MUCH FUN! Taught by Darlinda Just Darlinda (read up & 'like' her here), it was the first time we had to do a mini performance for the class. We stood up one-by-one and depending on the item, DJD would set up a little scenario/character/emotion and then shared little tips on how to work our specific piece of clothing.  I think the girl with skinny jeans was my favorite. It was comical and so damn cute to watch. You felt for the sweet little girl needing help with her jeans. Oh! I also liked the naughty librarian with a button up top and a simple, so good.

I loved this exercise because it taught us little tricks that are so simple but can keep an audience hanging on your every move. Ugh, I can't get over how amazing it was and how courageous my fellow classmates are!  It was incredibly moving to see even the shyest of girls thrusting their hips wearing huge smiles. I keep my fingers crossed they perform - even if only for someone special at home!
Before the stripping, we went over "isolations". DJD schooled us on how each part of our body is uber sexy with just a little extra attention. I've always sorta felt this way though. I think the body is so gorgeous and little parts like necks and lower backs are to die for...but even more so now.  A shoulder is NOT just a shoulder anymore...yum! I don't remember what is  in store for next week..but I pray it's chair dancing!
My favorite part(s): Actually getting up in front of everyone and getting some practice while eyes were watching.
The hardest part(s): I couldn't seem to get this side-to-side rib cage move down!
What I learned: Take your time working each little button, zipper or pulling off of your costume. The anticipation of skin showing is painfully hot!

 I said it last week and I'll keep saying it: next Sunday cannot come soon enough!

Ciao for now,

Announcements: Some exciting things to share!
Dec 10 9p-11p $15
Student Showcase: where us newbies strut our stuff for the first time!
Coney Island, Sideshows by the Seashore
Dec 11 4pVIP/5pmREG-10p $25VIP/$20REG
Although I won't be performing, I'll be a "Special Guest" - hooray! Come enjoy some new cocktails & good company.
Brooklyn, The Green Building

Thursday, November 11, 2010

If Reality TV Comes Knocking

Sometime in the early summer I was contacted by a photographer, David Kimelman (whose website you can see here), who had seen my profile on and was doing a project using other people he had contacted on there as well. He was interested in photographing those on the site and knowing more about their story...why they were interested in doing reality TV work. He said that my answer seemed to be the overall consensus:
I wanna be paid to be myself.
He recently emailed and asked if I could answer a few questions because he is looking to publish his images and/or share them in a gallery but wanted some text with his shots.

Frankly, I couldn't care less for the pictures he took but that's my problem not his. My hair was flat and so were my shoes. Whatevs!

Below are the questions. I was a bit impulsive in my replies so I've corrected grammatical errors and added words that I mistakenly forgot.

1.What reality television show or shows would you like to be cast on?
On certain nights, I'd think about going on a weight loss show. 2 birds - 1 stone. Lose weight and get my face on TV while sharing my dreams. And America's Next Top Model because I'd love to learn more about modeling/fashion but I'm pretty sure that I'm too short & wide simultaneously ha!

2.Why do you think you would be good on that show or shows?
Because I'm in need a boost for both of those things [weight loss & my face on TV]. Not necessarily losing weight but just looking better naked. And for some reason following my dreams is extremely terrifying. Pursuing anything in show business is scary. You put EVERYTHING on display: physically, mentally, & emotionally.

3.Would you like to have a reality television show made about your life? If yes, what would we see in that show?
Yes! Currently I'd love to have a camera following me while I pursue Burlesque and pinup modeling - 1) burlesque is reemerging in a huge way in NYC and I'm happy to be in the middle of it 2) pinup modeling isn't the standard -obviously - and I think people would love to watch/learn about retro pop culture. Every woman has a secret dream of being a pinup 3) I am plus sized. I think this would challenge a lot of the way people think. In some opinions, I probably shouldn't be parading around on stage half naked because I might show a couple belly rolls when I do a certain dance move. They can suck it!
4. How do you think your life would change if you were cast on a show?
I'd keep my fingers crossed that it'd get better! (I don't think it could get worse, I've got nothing to lose right now) Frankly I'd get a small paycheck to pay rent for a few months so that'd be nice and I'm sure I'd get to meet a lot more people in the pinup & burlesque communities than I already am. At the end of the day I just wanna make a career out of posing in REALLY cute/sexy/fun clothes or lack there of ;)

Ciao for now,

Monday, November 8, 2010

Hi, My name is Tina Tassels

Today I had my first class!! It felt nothing short of amazing! I haven‘t done anything like this in years and it was great to be in a performance group again.

Before I share anything else, I must get this out of my system:
Of course I was scared but after awhile I couldn't help but think "God, I look so great without a top on!"

Ok, so there were 8 of us which was perfect. I was scared that the class would be much bigger. Having it smaller definitely makes me feel like Jo Boobs was only teaching me. (Love her btw, I will say this over and over again). We have a gorgeous class filled with awesome girls ranging in experience and body type. Shy girl* was there because the final straw was when her boyfriend said “you’d never do something like that”. I’m so glad she‘s here.  There were some girls like me just dying to get back into some sort of dancing and performing and obviously this fire inside longing to um…strip, I guess?! The first girl I met, Bucharest*, was there even earlier than me and had smoked just as many cigarettes in her nervous anticipation.  She was a doll and I’m sure it will ease both our families when we say “I met a Romanian girl there!”
We learned an entire classic routine set to an oldie-but-goodie big band burlesque song. From caressing our boas, to sampling some cleavage play, peeling our gloves from the floor up, and finally “shakin our titties” - that’s how my brother would put it. We also flirted with our hips, learning a few different bump -n- grinds.
When it came to tassel twirling we learned 5+ ways. It was super fantastic that after an hour of class we were taking off our tops and bras and putting on pasties, some for the first time. How brave! I will not lie, I was terrified at first. I am the biggest girl in the class with I’m pretty sure the heaviest set of twins (I mean boobs btw for you prudes out there). After about 5mins of jitters I had to shake myself out of it because we were learning how to mind fuck the audience by just playing with our bra straps. Holy Cow! I loved a particular move involving my right hand, the left strap, and sliding it off while your entire body sorta melts down. (I don’t wanna give too much away so this is vague!)
Back to twirling, it was great to try different moves and figure out which was best suited to your body. Not everyone can twirl the same way, but everyone CAN find their perfect move!
My favorite part(s): I loved playing with the boas and my bra the most today.
The hardest part(s): Not looking down while twirling. Have faith in your boobies and soak in that audience!
What I learned: Standing still and making tiny moves is just as, if not more, powerful than trying something bigger and bolder. I also think it’s much harder for me and I am looking forward to exploring this calmer side more!

Today could not have been a better first class and next Sunday cannot come soon enough!

Ciao for now,

*I’ve obviously given nicknames to my fellow students and totally love it.
**And I've also shared these pictures with you from Google searches. Hooray for the interweb!