Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Don't Judge a Book by It's ANYTHING!

Me: I'm reading Ron Jeremy's autobiography
Lover: Why?
Me: Why not? I love hearing anybody's story...*gets interrupted*
Lover: I just think there wouldn't be much to tell...he makes adult..*gets interrupted*
Me: Really? It's actually super interesting so far. He's just a cool guy from Queens.
Lover: He's from Queens? Oh, nice, I didn't know that.

And so it begins...
I finished Ron Jeremy's autobiography: "The Hardest (Working) Man in Showbiz" sometime last week. I didn't want it to end though. There's very little I enjoy more than hearing/reading about someone's life story when the struggles, curiosities, insecurities, and even the settings run so parallel to my own. And the reality is, they aren't just to my own, but to lots of us.

It sounds so stupid to even admit but we seem to forget that celebrities are even human. That even though in the public eye they are sort of robots, it's when all the cameras are turned off and the interviews have ended, that they are essentially only human. (Note: I indulge in tabloid magazines and thoroughly enjoy a REALLY bad celebrity story. My fave feature though is "Celebrities: They're just like us!" No shit.) Anyway, what better discussion to have than to divulge all the "did you know.." fun facts about Ron Jeremy? If you don't follow me on Facebook or Twitter than you probably didn't know that I tweeted Ron AND HE WROTE BACK!! I'm so corny I know, but I was really happy to see a reply from him (or his management ha!).  I am fascinated by 70s NYC and what a different world it was. I love the references to streets and venues that may or may not exist anymore. Fun facts like Rodney Dangerfield's comedy club actually used to be a club called Magique where you could only imagine the sex, cocaine, and dancing of the times. It was the NYC I didn't get to live through but on the same streets I get to now walk down with a fellow dreamers stories...

Off the bat, Did you know that Ron's entry (no pun intended) into pornography was an unintentional one? As an ex-girlfriend of his explored her interest in photography, she snapped a few pics of Ron and his above average pecker. As they looked at the pictures she joked that he should submit to Playgirl's "Boy Next Door" feature to get a couple hundred bucks IF they used the pictures? He didn't make the cover but he got a check in the mail and that was the end of the story.
It wasn't until a friend introduced him to a B movie producer/director who had actually made the shift to X-rated ones, but his friend wasn't aware.

Did you know that Ron's dream was AND STILL IS to be a professional mainstream actor. He talks about it all the time but realizes when porno flicks have hurt his chances but also when they have helped him get certain roles.

Did you know that Ron Jeremy Hyatt was born and raised in Bayside, Queens to a loving family? His parents appear to be the loveliest of people! His mother passed away years ago though due to Parkinson's Disease. He is one of 3 kids that include his brother & sister. His mother was a spy during World War II.

Did you know that Ron used his middle name instead of his last because his father told him to?  In Playgirl though, Ron had submitted with Hyatt and his poor grandmother started getting phone calls from strangers looking for Ron as she was listed as "R. Hyatt" in Bayside, Queens.

Did you know that Ron is recognized and respected by PETA for his efforts in educating on humane animal practices? He is an animal lover and his most prized pet was Cherry, a turtle. He also shared a pet rat,
Fetus with a long time girlfriend. The rat was previously owned by Howie Mandel. They called him Chemo. Why all the hilarious/bad names? Fetus was hairless!

Did you know that Ron introduced Slash (yes, of Guns N Roses) to his wife Pearla?

Did you know that Ron does stand by comedy and was great friends with the late Sam Kinison? He used to spend many a nights with Sam, a then unknown Jim Carrey and sometimes even Robin Williams would join them for late night eats at Downtown NYC diner,

Did you know that Ron, even before watching his mother's health fail, is afraid of death? He struggles with the idea of ceasing to exist. (ME TOO RON!!)

Did you know that anytime Ron's famous friends would visit set it was only days he did not have a scene? His biggest fear was  one of his non-porn acting buddies to see him. He broke this rule 2x and later in life for movie directors and that's only because the scheduled actor didn't show.

Did you know that there was/is only one woman in Ron's life he would have married & had kids with? She wanted him to quit his swinging lifestyle and he didn't. They remain best friends til this day and talk on the phone "like teenagers" according to Ron. I struggled with this story, even cried! I understood both of their sides. And I know all my girlfriends are going to say "why didn't he just quit?" I know it's because he wasn't ready to. Maybe he'll never be ready to but I'd rather he do what's best for him. I think he knows that if he quit he'd only be lying to everyone and maybe he didn't trust himself? Or you know what, maybe it's as simple as the fact that he'd be denying himself something really natural. And if you ask me the only people that would get "mad" over this are the people that are feeling repressed and too weak to fight for their own wants and needs.

Did you know that Ron refers to his pecker as schmeckle more often than not? It's hilarious.

Did you know that Ron is a licensed special education teacher? He's also been playing the piano since he was 8!

After all his "I met this celeb" mumbo jumbo (even though I get it, I'd be excited too) Ron is a really likeable average guy who was always looking for his big break. I don't think he had the natural talent unfortunately but his drive keeps him in the game. And no matter how many of his scenes end up on the mainstream cutting room floor (which are lots) he's got a lot of credits under his belt.  He's considered the #1 porn star on AVN's (Adult Video News) top 50 of all time. No matter what you think about him you can't deny his celebrity.  I am inspired by him and now I root for him. He's nearing 60, looking a little rough but seems to be a teddy bear that really just loves life and people and being free at the expense of no one but himself. He doesn't smoke and barely drinks and his only vice is that he's a hard worker...in more ways than one.

Without rewriting the entire book I hope you enjoyed a few of the stories that stuck out to me. I think of his long time love Juniper and how if he had given up his adult career for her what his life would be like today. I wonder what he feels when he wakes up. The days he has no where to go or no scene to shoot, how anxious he is at home alone...

Thanks again for stopping by! Have a great a week!

Ciao for now,


PS: Yes, I'm sleeping with someone who says "adult film" before porno. hah! I thought that was funny.

PPS: Save the Date - Friday, October 5 Full Cup, Staten Island "Meat My Friends" is coming back to celebrate my birthday!!

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Tuesday with Friends of Tassels: #3

"Rude Awakening"
by Trashy Hipster

I want everyone to (figuratively) close their eyes and imagine this scene.

It’s starting to get late, and your vision is starting to blur and the conversation with this kinda-cute guy is starting to get a little dull. A move gets made and the next thing you know you’re pouring yourself out of the cab that he’s paid for and stumbling up the steps to your brownstone.

The key slips into the lock and the next thing you know you’re naked, your head is throbbing harder with each heartbeat, and as you swim to the surface of your consciousness, you realize that you are being woken up by a man boy interrupting your miserable sleep trying to wedge his half-cocked sorry excuse of an erection between your thighs and into your peach fish.*  Or you actually haven’t gotten any sleep all night because he’s been putting his sticky fingers back inside you all night while you were trying to sleep. Or he has somehow managed to relocate your hand in your sleep and is quietly using it to stroke himself stiff.

And in case it has not already been made abundantly clear, we are not talking about a familiar lover, or even a regular, friendly poke. We are talking about someone who, for all intents and purposes, may as well be a complete stranger. A guy from OK Cupid. Some friend of a friend you met at a party and thought was cute at the moment.

Raise your hand if this has happened to you.

We are talking about sleep rape: a social disgrace and wildly inappropriate, but for some reason, remarkably common. Sure, it’s not rape because consent has already been given and you’re both naked in bed, but it’s not quite consensual either, is it?

You see when a lover wakes you, there is a prelude; a caress, or a kiss perhaps. Slowly, sleepily rolling over until you’re facing each other, a shy, lazy smile. If your partner can be roused, languid morning sex can be some of the best sex there is to be had in the world. But if none of that prelude happens, nothing happens. Because people are trying to sleep.

Just what is the impetus behind this phenomenon? Total release & satisfaction just happened under 8 hours ago – for you definitely. Let’s table the discussion of my satisfaction for now and remain focused on the fact that you are about to sleep rape me. Are you really so dull? Can you possibly believe that in the course of fending off a headache, gagging over the taste of stale cigarettes and beer in my mouth, and aching for sleep that I will actually enjoy myself? Are you actually enjoying yourself trying to get a little more fun in before you duck out? Honestly – what exactly is going through your mind?

I’ll tell you what’s going through mine. Right now, I’m thinking about how soon I can get you out of my apartment and why I let you inside it to begin with. I’m thinking that right now, you still believe that I’m asleep. I’m thinking that right now, I am about to do everything I can to try to make myself seem as repulsive as possible until you are running out of my apartment choking down vomit.

*God, Tom Robbins, thank you so much for that one.

First of all Peach Fish. Nice!
Second of all, maybe I don't get around enough (and thank god if this is what I'm missing), but the idea of this still happening in adulthood just makes me think you're hangin with the wrong dudes! I feel like this is a story I heard happening throughout high school when guys felt too self-conscious while the girl was still at attention. Wow, this all sounds so awful! Hahah I will confess though, I kind of love sleepy sexy time. Maybe because I'm lazy? hahah I just made myself SO unattractive.

I do love the end where you're plotting to get them out as soon as possible. People aren't good at getting the hint. This is a major reason I prefer staying out because I can bounce at any time I want to and usually depending on the sitch. Usually what happens is the wrong person lingers and the right person gets up and leaves *sigh

Thanks again for stopping by Tuesday with FRIENDS of Tassels. If you'd like to submit, please send to TinaTassels@gmail.com. Whether you want to bitch about something , make me cry, need advice (from me and fellow readers), just want to share a story or poems and get some feedback I would LOVE to play hostess for you. Everybody deserves a stage at least once!

I got my period today and I feel like shit. Have a great day! hahaha

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Liberation Army

No, I am not referencing the PLA of China. I am talking about the Liberation Army of One. Of You.

Although I'm over worked and confused about where my life is headed, I'm absurdly calm about it all. Over the past few months I've really been letting go of some things from my past: lovers, haters, whatever. It's been happening so naturally that I haven't really been able to take it in; nor have I been missing anything that I used to think I couldn't live without.

To wake up in the morning this way, to a feeling of almost being born again, is the most free I've felt in my adult life. I don't know what really triggered it or when, but I do know I've been trying for years to rid myself of certain thoughts. Before even the idea of not having that depth/drama/emotional weight made me feel incredibly lonely. That if I held onto at least some things from "home" (aka NJ) I would have them to fall back on. That even if my life here was chaotic and stressful, I could lean on those fences of my former life.  The last couple of times I've been to NJ, I've been very eager to get back to NY. While I miss lots of my friends and on some occasions my family (they rule!), the fences are no longer strong enough to hold me and it hasn't forced me, rather it has ENCOURAGED me to walk on my own.

The only reason most people hold onto their past is out of fear of the future. Fear of the unknown, of the unfamiliar. It's been a long time coming that I had to free myself and stop worrying about others. While it's ALWAYS a work in progress I thought it was about time I shared. I feel liberated and with each morning yawn it gets better and better! To realize how much power we truly have as individuals to shape our own lives, our own attitudes, our own goals, our own EVERYTHING, has been the highest of rewards. I hope you get there too...

Got plans for Thursday night? Come to Coney Island! I'll be hanging with some super fun guys & gals at Clam Casino's Show - I can't wait! I love performing in Coney and I love the people I will be surrounded by.  I will also be doing my fave SUPER SLOW "Sleepwalk" number and also giving a newer costume a go (even though it will probably incomplete due to work, boooo!) but regardless it will be a great night!

Hope you're enjoying August, as Summer winds down I am looking forward to Fall and to my Birthday! Meat My Friends: Tina's Birthday Burlesque Party will be on Friday, October 5th at Full Cup in Staten Island. Show deets are on the way!

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Tuesday with Friends of Tassels: #2

What Tina Tassels Taught Me About Health

I can still remember that fourth grade day when Tina and I were sat next to each other on the first day of school, thanks to my last name starting with a C and her’s a D. She commented on my Reeboks, “Those are nice shoes.” It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that my heart kinda soared.

I have always been deeply self conscious, like most of us, I suppose. My Reeboks were plain, white Reeboks. I’m not sure why Tina Tassels liked them so much, but the fact that anyone liked something I was wearing was very exciting to me.

Tina and I have always joked that we are opposites. I’m dark haired and she’s a blonde, I have dark eyes and she has “dolphin blue” eyes. She’s shorter, I’m taller. All physical traits, yes, but on a deeper level we are very different, too.

When I think of Tina I think of someone animated, full of life, funny, and excited about pretty much everything. Tina jumps into things and experiences them fully. She doesn’t let much scare her, or at least she doesn’t let it seem that way and she doesn’t let it hold her back. She’s never been someone who was flaky or phony, and she is always really good at calling out when other people are being flaky or phony.

While saying that I haven’t jumped into certain experiences fully, or that I can’t be animated, or excited about life isn’t entirely true, it doesn’t seem to be the way I approach things most of the time. I’ve always let my self doubts hinder my expression and steal my excitement.

Because of this I would say that life has always felt difficult to me. Tina has thought of me as being negative at times. I used to lack energy, and until I really understood health, food, and how energy works, I didn’t understand why. I always wondered why I didn’t have the gusto for life that Tina does.

Looking back, I realize that my lack of energy was not just an issue of poor physical health but also in large part to a lack of expression and creativity.

I have been working as a nutritionist for years, holding people’s hands on their way to a healthy diet and lifestyle only to see in myself and those that I work with that when people cannot express themselves authentically or be creative nothing else matters.

The greatest nutrition in the world can’t save a stifled spirit. I have routinely found myself back in similar situations in my life because shutting down creatively is a tendency that I have. I never see it coming until I’m in too deep. I’m not sure why, but it’s just the rut that I seem to fall into.

When I notice that I’m wearing the same stupid yoga pants every day, eating the same thing for dinner night after night, and only look forward to my husband coming home from work that day, I’m in a rut.

When I find myself in such a rut, I think of Tina, and how disappointed she would be in me. I mean this in the best way possible, because I admire Tina’s authentic self expression and creativity. I always have.

I’ve realized over the years that the more expressive I am with my writing, with my work, in my relationships, the happier I am. The lighter I feel. My life is more colorful and feels more like a dance rather than dragging my feet from one obligation to another.

Creative expression repressed is a dead end. It will bring you ill health, unhappiness, and torn relationships, even if you eat the healthiest diet on the planet, meditate, and work out everyday. A thriving creative life is evidence of a strong mind, heart, and body flowing with life force and full of power.

Creativity feeds and fuels the soul. It brings the kind of health that makes life rich, sweet, exciting, and beautiful. It is the joy of participating in life to the fullest. I’m lucky to have a good friend who has been such a great example of authentic creative expression to me.


I know what you're thinking "Tina, this is all about you of course you would share it," but that's not all it is. Of course I cried reading it for the first time while sitting in a pizzerria but I got over the compliments quickly and fell in love with the message. I found it so important especially due to the times we are living in. We are sadly consumed with making money (because lets face it, the times are tough) that we are sacrificing so much of what is important to us just to get our bills paid. It is a difficult time for artistic expression and money making to exist simultaneaously. Most of us are working jobs that aren't wowing us, ones that we don't even want to wake up for. I for one am not LOVING either of my bill paying jobs but I'm grateful to not dread going to them and I am thankful to even have them after almost a year of unemployment. I make sure to allow myself nights of performing, seeing shows (not as often as I should though), and even signing up for random dance classes here and there to keep me somewhat sane. I know years from now I'll remember my struggling days in NYC fondly, but living them right now is no easy feat!

I hope you enjoyed today's guest post. It was brought to you by one of my gorgeous NJ besties:

Marlena Torres is a certified clinical nutritionist who helps people around the world develop a healthy, nourishing, and indulgent lifestyle. Plant based nutrition, vegetable juicing, and holistic lifestyle practices are the cornerstone of her personal approach. Marlena is located in Lancaster, PA, and works with clients both locally and remotely. You can learn more about Marlena and her nutritional practice at marlenatorres.com