Thursday, December 29, 2011

2011: Over & Out.

Well, I had written an entire post, went back to tweak it, and then accidentally erased the ENTIRE thing. That sucked. So here I am, back at the beginning!
My last Tuesday with Tassels fell short compared to what I wanted my year's end post to be. I really wanted to share a rambling list of 2011 memories and favorite things from food to places to beauty products. I'm so bummed that I can't even regurgitate my list. I'm gonna break it down more than before.

Here are some fave everythings from this year and years past. Some I recently discovered, others I've been loving for awhile but all of them I am currently obsessed with: Lancome Teint Idole Foundation, MAC Eyeshadow in Carbonized, Emporio Armani "She" perfume, Souen Union Square location, Pat Field's, MAC Gel Liner, Palladio angled liner brush, The New Girl with Zooey Deschanel, Korres Quercetin & Oak Anti-aging Eye Cream, Illamasqua Lipstick in Delirium, feta cheese, my new local coffee shop Goustaro, OPI Nail Polish in Dutch Tulips, Sorme brand Lipliner, watching Big Bang Theory with my new roommate, Klondike bars with dark chocolate shells, L'Oreal Voluminous Original formula mascara when I'm not getting Smashbox's Full Exposure, fish sticks, Pacifica Tuscan Blood Orange Body Butter, rum & cokes, Dr. Bronner's Peppermint wash, Matrix So Silver shampoo, Eggo waffles by influence of my grandmom, Gillette Mach 3 razors

Turning my can'ts into cans and dreams into plans. In 2012 I WILL: take some dance classes, go on more dates, visit my friends that live far away, have a belated apt warming party, produce shows in Manhattan, audition, video blog at least once, splurge on a pretty dance dress, get a full time job that I want, stop talking to the wrong person and more to possibly right people, be in a wedding as a groomsMAN (how cool right?!),  sell some of my dads antiques, order new business cards, make an official website once things start taking off because I know they will, try online dating, makeout with my Latin Lover again, read my "to read" pile of books, sing more on stage, brainstorm more about my one woman show, send my friends more snail mail, do tourist-in-NY things, watch more movies, buy myself a macbook, talk on the phone more - i really avoid this out of laziness, go to more museums, be even more aware of my spending, go see the Statue of Liberty, and bake more from scratch.

This list is totally doable!
I suggest you make one for yourself - make it realistic and low pressure. A simple rule to keep is: if you don't like it, don't do it. This extends to everything in life. I am really looking forward to 2012, even though I believe everyday is a chance to start a new year, this NYE is special for me. I've had a wonderful year of love, loss, celebration, and break downs and I wouldn't trade any of it for anything.  I am looking forward with wide eyes and high hopes and wish that you would be by my side while following your own dreams. We got this!

I'm happy to report I'll be performing in my FIRST EVER NYE SHOW! I can't freakin believe it! I already have a few awesome shows in January and have a few that are yet to be confirmed. I wanna see you and your bad self at a show if you can make it!

Saturday, NYE: Cercle Rouge, NYC - Second Seating - $155
Wednesday Jan 4: Rodeo Bar, NYC - Rockabilly Burlesque with a Live Band - NO cover
Saturday, Jan 7: Full Cup, Staten Island - Meat My Friends - $10
Saturday, Jan 21: Moose Lodge, Long Island - Rockabilly Rave 3 - $10

Ciao for now,

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

It's the End of the Year as We Know It!

Like for most single young women, the holidays bring waves of loneliness. Whether it's the music, the "feeling of togetherness" (omg i'm so corny), being home, wanting to buy someone a gift,'s at this time of year I wish more than ever I wasn't single. I feel so completely vulnerable that I barely want to leave the house.  After the couple weeks of hoopla pass though, I usually snap out of it and have gotten my head back above the water. *Keeping my fingers crossed this day hurries the hell up!*

I have a gut feeling that 2012 is gonna be huge for me. I'm not jinxing it by sharing this, rather I'm treating it as a sort of mantra. If I believe it, it will happen!
I'm also terrified to report that at some point in the year I will try online dating. I'm not sure why, but I can say that it's probably my biggest fear. Not necessarily online dating but dating in general and more so the being taken seriously as a possible lady friend part is hard to swallow.  After so many burns you start to believe why the fires are spreading. Ugh, we'll see what happens!

I'm vigorously job searching. I'm getting to the point of frustration that is effecting my performance. Strolling in a few minutes late, doing half ass work, just not really having any pride in what I'm doing. If you or anyone you know is looking for some marketing/production help - let me know! It would be highly appreciated. I'd prefer something full-time but long term project would be fantastic!

I'm realizing this post isn't half as exciting as I hoped it would be for the last one of the year. It honestly reflects my indifference to life right now and my anxiety crossing over into what's ahead. And for the record I'm totally PMSing and crying like a baby right now over EVERYTHING! Damnit! hahaha

Anyway, I guess I really just want to say a HUGE thank you for reading and following and liking pictures and retweeting posts and all your support and positive feedback and making me feel like my fighting for all of us is worth it! I wish you nothing but the best today and everyday, and I hope you are living the life you dream of!



Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Totally Self Defeated!

Booooo! Unfortunately The Big Girlie Holiday shows were cancelled. The venue wanted a certain amount of pre-sale tickets and we did not hit the mark. Although I was bummed about it, it may have been a blessing in disguise. I wasn't feeling well and met my goal of getting into bed before 10pm every night that I was able to.  I was excited to perform with The Glamazons again and at a venue I hadn't before but what can we do? I believe it can only mean there are bigger things ahead for all of us!

I am also secretly happy because I was terrified to do my fan dance. I would rehearse and feel ok then rehearse 2 days later and feel awkward and embarrassed. I need to practice more but I'm putting it off out of fear. I'm now having anxiety over how small they are (even though they're really not) and because they're just not as fancy, I guess, as most have.  I'm still really proud of them and am trying to figure out the best routine and costume to use them with. As for now my Blue Christmas act is just a tweaked version of I Don't Hurt Anymore.

I DID get to perform in a holiday show Saturday night. It was an amazingly successful benefit show for House of Loveness. An extremely tiny, wonderful and young foundation whose creator I had the absolute pleasure of meeting and chatting with. The turnout was impressive (to me anyway!) under a $35 ticket price, the raffles were SO awesome, and the silent auction of Luma Rouge sketches was a hit! I have to admit that everyone was extremely complimentary and I feel like the audience reactions during my act were super great. Kinda like what you want to hear and see every time you perform. I felt like a million bucks afterward!

Up next and what seems to be my last show of 2011 - UNLESS this New Year's Eve gig comes through (which would be amazing and the most pay I would see yet!) - is Mr. Choade's Upstairs/Downstairs Holiday Edition! Hooray! Performing with the slipper room in exile - HOW COOL!? I didn't get to see the old Slipper Room but when it reopens I will feel like a completely different person walking into it! Am really excited for Thursday and feeling much more confident now that I'm not pressuring myself into the fan dancing. I'd prefer a quality act I feel good about than ruining an age-old art!

 Well, I hope you have a fab week and wonderful holiday season! Thanks for checking in and I hope to see some of you Thursday night!

Ciao for now,


Oh! And don't forget to mark your 2012 calendars with 
two MEAT MY FRIENDS dates: 
January 7 - Full Cup, Staten Island
February 11 - Angels & Kings, NYC (HOLY SHIT!)

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Fans on a Lucky Budget

I make it very clear that I must be very organized when it comes to my finances. I'm not in the most fortunate of places when it comes to my bank account and my income but I remain grateful and aware that this is a lull in my journey. BUT even when I was making steady, good money I still enjoyed the thrill of the hunt. For a bargain that is!

This week I am debuting a fan dance for the FIRST time. My costume is smaller and with less bells and whistles and I'm ecstatic about it.  I love my fans and although they are not as big and lush as I dream for one day I think they are lovely and full of character!

I have minimal options and time when it comes to crafting costumes and props. I am a hot glue gun professional ha! It holds, it's quick, and I have plenty of sticks to hold me over!
I also became a fan of larger sized sequins. They cover more area so you need less of them and I just gravitate towards them when shopping around.

I was so lucky to have gotten a response when I believe over a year ago I had put up a post on  facebook and twitter asking passively if anyone happened to have any feathers they had lying around and wanted to donate to my costume crafting endeavors. Eureka! A very DIY friend of mine Bex (Fitness Guru Extraordinaire)  had TONS of leftovers from her wedding to hot to trot photographer Justin (she's gonna punch me for writing "hot to trot" but he's so awesome I love him!)

I got to work looking up tips on the net to make what are know as panel fans. They do not have the interlocking handles that open and close and are much more annoying to transport but I actually love them and found them much less intimidating. I do not go the easy route I go the comfortable steps at a time route!

So TAHDAAAHHHH! I LOVE them and am very proud of them. I am excited to work on another routine with them. The only one I have prepared now is a holiday act I will be using for 3 shows!

I have to report that unfortunately tonight's show with The Glamazons: The Big Girlie Holiday Show is CANCELLED! The venue was hoping for more tickets to be bought up on pre-sale and that did not happen. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for Thursday's show and I ask if you are coming to please buy tickets ahead! (They are cheaper that way too!)  I also have a show on Saturday being held by the producers of Paper Doll Productions and the teachers at Burlesque Bikini Bootcamp - those classes I took last year paid off! Hooray!
I also think I'll be at Mr. Choade's Upstairs/Downstairs show next Thursday! Holy cow!! The Slipper Room in exile..that's a super treat and huge honor!

I'm headin back to NY. I had a bittersweet visit to NJ. We had to send a friend of ours above the clouds much too soon but we know she's safe and sound and seeing her Dad again.  The day was spent with friends and family celebrating each moment we have left with each other. I highly recommend it. It does wonders for the soul.

Thanks again for stopping by! We are getting closer and closer to the new year and I am freaking out for all good reasons! I've been trying to write more jokes to use as an emcee. I don't wanna bomb ha!
Have a great week, and I'll see you next time..

Ciao for now,

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The Here and Now

It has been a rough year for lots of you around me. Many have lost loved ones unexpectedly or came too close. I don’t know how the universe can make it any clearer that each day is incredibly precious. I know you all like to post quotes about “living for today” but how many of you really do it? How many of you are truly doing the things you love with the people you love around you? I never encourage anyone to be frivolous or irresponsible I only ask of you to self-reflect and realize how often you say “one day I will…” when reality is that TODAY is your day.

I’m devastated by news of a lost friend. She didn’t get the chance to wake up one last morning. And what a beautiful morning it was.

I am guilty of complaining, whining, wishing...but I keep faith and confidence in myself and the powers that may be I am on the road I’ve wanted to be on for so long. And God(s) forbid my days are numbered I don’t think I could be at a better place. I know I am rich with family, friends and I am living in a city some only dream of seeing.  I am thankful everyday and count my lucky stars. I’m struggling financially and some days mentally and emotionally but I would never trade it for anything in the world. I hope you can say the same and if not I dream for the moment you can.

I had a show last night which was the hardest one yet. I broke down moments before but I went out there with all I had.  I remind you on the regular that life is hard but I'd rather be living it . There is so much goodness to experience if you just allow yourself.  The hard times will pass and the rest will fall into place. Be good to yourselves...No day but today.

Sending you endless love,

PS: I plan on being at Nurse Bettie's on Thursday, 9:45p gogo, 10p free show!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Baby, It's Not Even Cold Outside

But it's basically December already! The world is ending for sure. You can tell because the weather is all "flip flopped" ha! Halloween we had snow, on Thanksgiving there were suburban men wearing shorts. I like the warmer temps but I hear that's all about to change in the coming week. Corny.

Where has this awesome year gone? Who knows but it's not over just yet! I've got a lineup of shows that went from zero to a bajillion in a matter of 24 hours. (I tell you no lies...only sometimes ha!)
I'm super excited but also anxious of course because I'll be juggling it all between 2 jobs and switching my schedule around with coworkers, trying to make them happen in the least stressful way possible.
I have a few holiday shows (maybe more, just waiting to confirm) with only one act but I'm procrastinating getting it together. I'm nervous so I'm working against myself like an idiot. It's my first fan dance! With panel fans that I made myself. I just need to decorate the handles and I'll post a picture to my facebook page.  I'm feeling that embarrassment of cheap costume again. So pathetic. I'm not backing down from the shows but I'm extra frustrated right now!  Either way I know I'm gonna have a blast. I'm working with some new people in new venues and that to me is enough to make any anxiety simmer down!

I hope you had a great holiday I know I did! Got to see some family that I haven't in awhile, spent lots of time with my big brother and even snuck in a Colin Kane show in Philly! Was gonna go to Canada with my parents to visit some cousins but I also had a friend's baby shower that I didn't want to miss! It was a long, exhausting weekend but SO worth it.

So here's my current calendar (so far!) - I hope you can make a show or two, would love to see you!

Tuesday,  Nov 29 - door girl!
The Pink Room: The Best of David Lynch Burlesque
Parkside Lounge
9pm $15

Monday, Dec 5 - first time with this show and at this venue! Stellar Lineup too!
The Pussy Scratching Fox Show
Tammany Hall
9pm $10

Thursday, Dec 8 - back at it again! I don't know what act to do!? A new one isn't even close to being ready.
Spanking the Lower Eastside
Nurse Bettie
10p FREE

Tuesday, Dec 13 & Thursday, Dec 15 - playing with The Glamazons again!
The Big Girlie Holiday Show
The Triad NYC
9pm $15 (visit the Glamazon website for $5 discount code)

Saturday, Dec 17 - first time with this troupe and at this brand new venue!
Benefit show for House of Loveness with producers and dancers of the Burlesque Bikini Bootcamp school
The Ball NY
Further info TBA

...and exhale!
This is cray cray. It is almost 1 year since I hit the stage for the first time doing burlesque and I cannot be happier as to where I'm headed.

Meat My Friends is going back to Staten Island  Saturday, Jan 7, I'm hosting and performing in another show on Long Island on Saturday, Jan 21 and then Meat My Friends is making its Manhattan debut Saturday, Feb 11! Omg.

So wild.
Have a great week and keep chasing your dreams. You're not dead yet!

Ciao for now,

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Get A Grip Ladies!

I think the line between confidence and clingy has become thinner. Only because guys are having to deal more and more with the latter.  I had faith that with age things would be much "cooler" when it came to casual relationships but I'm finding that guys still shut down and shut you out due to what I think is a fear that we're getting too close. Well boys, get over yourselves and girls get a fucking grip!

I got sorta pissed off thinking about my last lover. I only mentioned him briefly here. He doesn't live in NY and our great night happened within a few weeks of when he would be leaving. I was sorta bummed because we never hung out after that. I got a clue once I heard (and read) his shift in tone. (PS: That's always the key. If girls listened more, they'd know the exact point at which their relationship changed).
Anyway, we chatted a bit here and there, I saw him out, but I was still left hangin. I'm not sure if he felt like I was being clingy or something, but all I wanted from him was to get naked and makeout again. I wasn't trying to make a movie date or even coffee! Your first reaction is probably to say, "aww, Tina, that means he didn't even wanna hook up with you again". That's malarkey because we've kept in contact (he'll be back in NY in a few months) and I'd bet what little money I have that we'll be bumpin uglies.
My lover (I totally enjoying calling him that) came up in conversation while chatting with a good friend of mine. He was telling me a story about a mutual girlfriend of ours and how CRAZY she was reacting to a guy not spending the night at her place.  Long story short, her asking for "advice" was more of a whiny "But whhyyyy? What does it mean? Did I do this wrong?" etc...Meanwhile in both our opinions the guy was very clear and honest about his intentions for the night with no hidden motives. So after all this, my conversation friend brought up the Koala. He described her in the image of those koala bear clip-on toys. Remember those?

What I liked most about the reference he described is how lacking in self-awareness it is!  We commented on how girls get emotionally clingy to someone so new and then when things go, in her eyes, questionably she freaks out.  She becomes self-deprecating and immediately throws all confidence out the window. This happens with ALL sorts of girls. Ages, shapes, sizes, background. I can assure you. But what makes me bitter of recent, is that Koalas are fucking up mine and the rest of the keep-our-cool single girls' chances at repeat, no-strings-attached quality sexy time with a potential new friend!

I know girls aren't 100% to blame though, guys have to start loosening up about this too!  I understand you react based on past experiences but c'mon it's 2011! You are potentially spending time with a new breed of single girl that is having fun and trying not to put pressure on anything in her life really no matter what her age.  I'm not equating her to promiscuity (even if she's getting down like that) but I am saying you need to stop assuming Koalas are all that's left.  There are some (lots,  more than you think) Kittens roaming around that are just trying to play with some yarn. Know what I'm saying? Ha!

My bitterness is at a high because I'm feeling needy. Lonely even. But just for the record I'd rather stay like this and work through it while waiting for someone great to spend my time with.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday! I am so looking forward to family time and eating like a King. Thanks again for stopping by!

Ciao for now,

PS: Next week's post will have an updated list of show dates! I have 3 holiday gigs AND I'm doing someone's show for the first time! Woohooo! My December went from 1 show to 5!

Monday, November 14, 2011

Forget Jesus, Optimism Take the Wheel

I oft say ("oft" ha!) that I am both cursed and blessed being so inherently (I believe) optimistic. I don't know where it stems from and when people ask me for inspiration so they too can share in this energy, I can only reply with a mediocre "I don't know. I just am."
Although I feel it comes so naturally to me, I also work on it. I guess the only "tip" I would really encourage people to follow is taking time for yourself. I don't simply mean surface-time either, like going shopping alone, the movies (which I highly recommend) or getting a table for one. I mean really sitting down with yourself and realizing what an amazing FORCE you can truly be to whatever capacity you want. It's really that simple. No need to foresee too many years ahead, it's little steps that will make HUGE strides for your self-esteem and the rest will follow.  A very cheesy, but sweet movie to take example from is when in Garden State, Natalie Portman's character tells Zach Braff she makes a noise or does something no one has ever done before, when she's feeling unoriginal.

I am also not scared to admit at times the positive, happy persona acts as a cover up. It makes you less vulnerable to others. I've posted extremely personal, and emotional blogs before so you know I haven't an immunity to sadness or anger. I am human, duh!  I also think that people on the pessimistic end of the spectrum (that I believe we share) use their energy as a cover up also. What better way to avoid emotional pain than to prepare yourself mentally? It's a "brace yourself" attitude.
A good friend of mine used to call me the Eternal Optimist as defined by Soren Kiekergaard.  A lot of our debates were over his opinion that optimists do not have thoughts based in reality, so that positivism does not take into account any possibility for negative outcome. My argument was that we maintain awareness of negative possibility but this then becomes another way to create or find the desired goal.  In simpler terms someone might say I am an "ignorance is bliss" supporter but I disagree with that phrase and do not keep such a philosophy being an optimist! Actually, being an artist, I love feeling every emotion so I really want to experience it all: good, bad, ugly, whatevs, GIVE IT TO ME!

Dang! Why did I just get so intense? Oh, because I bought Psychology Today magazine I think for the first time in my life. I've always perused issues but then settled for a less thought provoking Glamour. Anyway, I decided to buy this time because December's cover read:
OPTIMISM: How to Tap it, When to wield it...or withhold it.
After reading their article on new studies of both STRATEGIC optimism and pessimism - yes it's necessary - I am only feeling more comfortable in the person I am. I am a dreamer - an optimistic trait - and I don't always base my faith in positive outcomes in reality but in this way optimists motivate themselves. On the other hand, pessimists use an opposite approach, focusing on the possibility of negative, only to achieve the same goals.  Also, to be clear, a pessimist does not mean you are an Eeyore among Winnie the Poohs, but you find a different motivation to force yourself into action. I myself have made it very clear that when I am feeling anxious I bite my nails, procrastinate and usually waste money that I barely have. A true pessimist, uses his anxieties to move in a different direction. The simple message is that no matter which "side" (which there shouldn't be sides because both Os and Ps are a tools of force for any individual) as long as your approach to achieving your goal is without hurting yourself or others (be it mentally, physically, emotionally) it is safe to say you will be a successful, healthy person. But for the record I don't mind smiling most of the time, telling bad jokes, appearing as a careless slacker because I know, in the end, I'm gonna be right where I want to be! *Zing to you serious, boring, business people out there haha!

So more about me. I've been feeling REALLY good about my body lately. I don't know why though. I haven't been eating that well, haven't performed in over a week, and I haven't made the sex in sometime.  BUT I did have my shoot this Saturday with Moz Foto and am THRILLED about the teaser picture she has posted. I'm dying on the inside. Not on the outside because we must remain modest & humble as to not jinx it. HA! Here is the picture if you haven't seen it on my Facebook or Twitter! I'm obsessed. I'm also curious to see what my Mom thinks *bites nails*
I did my own makeup and hair because our awesome location was on a short time frame. My eyes came out great. I did em much smokier than on any other shoot and I love the outcome. We kept lips more on the nude side.  All color products were MAC: Eyeshadow: Carbonized (limited edition that I highly recommend, sold out online!), Lips: Soar Lip Pencil and Pink Plaid Matte Lipstick (a fave for years now, I switch up the liner underneath and it changes the lipstick), Lashes: my $1.99 top-secret no-name special. As for complexion I am obsessed with Lancome's Teint Idole and Korres' concealer.  Brushes are from Sephora Platinum/Airbrush collection. They will change your makeup application for life. Just sayin.
Woohooo - success!

Damnit I had something funny to end this post with and now I forget. I should have written it down! I'm trying to do that more. Whenever I have any good ideas or jokes I MUST jot them down or type them into my phone.  My brain is in overdrive right now because I might have a MANHATTAN venue interested in having a show. That's all I'm saying.

Thanks again for reading, have a wonderful week, it's almost Thanksgiving! Although I almost forgot about it because there's Christmas shit everywhere.

Ciao for now,

PS: I made myself fans!! They're not done yet so I won't post a picture yet. But the plan is to use them in my holiday shows that I'm doing with The Glamazons! More info to come!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

HELP! I need somebody...

Not really, just want your input!
Damnit I have no patience when I'm excited to share something!
I have a video of my newest (and most favorite act) but this night wasn't a great run of it.  My zipper was turned into my dress (fuck!) so you see my wittle fingers scrambling around for it hahah, my confetti didn't exit the tissue (AT ALL!) so I look a little strange whipping it around before giving up and finally, my lower level of confidence (due to nervousness over hosting the show!) definitely held me back. My movements seemed a little sloppy and my face even "bored" at times. All defense mechanisms. Booooo!
But I'm eager to show you! Those of you that can't make it to shows, let alone make it to NYC. I am honored that you read and stay up on my news and performances so I want to share the best and most often I can!

I do though have a copy coming from last Thursday when I joined The Glamazons (who were SO ADORABLE AND SO SO NICE!) on the stage of Le Poisson Rouge for The Big Girlie Show. I can easily compare my experience of the two performances because when I flung my dress last week, it was THE BEST feeling I ever had, I think ever on stage!! There was admittedly a little, how should I call it, "idleness" in some parts, but overall I think I kicked serious ass.

SO WHAT TO DO?! Share the current/mediocre video OR hold my whoreses for what I feel was a better performance, stage, everything?

By the way, wearing stockings on stage isn't even an issue anymore. When I kitten I always wear them though. That's because I feel too on display to be showin skin only. Eek! But as far as dancing, I've realized now that if I wear any sort of tights it's more about the look/attitude than for my ultra sheer layer of protection, be it physical or emotional! :)

I am also working on the return of Meat My Friends to Staten Island - SATURDAY, JANUARY 7TH - mark your calendars! We'll be heading back to Full Cup and I'm bringing some of NY's most talented. AAAAND there might be a chance of a South Jersey show close to my hometown which would probably make my year 2012 incomparable. *fingers crossed* We'll see how the owner feels about it after mulling it over. He joked about my having a show there so I turned the conversation serious...Lets DO IT!

So for now, comment below and tell me which video to post! Wanna wait it out?

I'm also gonna start sending out some facebook messages to help my blogging topic ventures! You might be a lucky one...or unlucky depending on how you feel about it, but all repsonses will be kept anonymous to the public if you request it. I won't be asking for anything more than what you're willing to share with me.
Have no fear, Tina Tassels is here! On that note, I should go. Can you tell I'm exhausted?

Ciao for now,

PS: Here's the weirdest/most random picture I found when googling "mistletoe". So bizarre, right!?

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Can I Call You Pumpkin?

Of course you can...HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
Hope you all had a nice weekend (or at least a night) of celebrating. I'm not a freak about the holiday but I do enjoy it. In college though, Halloween only induced my size anxiety. There is always the joke of being "sexy" something and I'm fine with it but I never partook. I'll never forget Halloween my freshman year. A group of us dorm girls were waiting in line at a stupid fucking frat party. I was usually the anchor of the posse because I wasn't really the girl the door guys were looking to let inside. I was a clown that year, in a ridiculously large costume that I LOVED and thought was so much fun but definitely not the stereotypical freshman girl getup. Here's a picture before we left our dorm!

Anyway, walking into the party, I remember some douche baggy kid sorta checkin out each girl as she walked in saying his cheesy "alright, we got a devil, playboy bunny, little red riding hood...etc, etc"  In I went only to hear "no fat chicks allowed" and the boys giggling. I pretended not to hear those things but alas they had ruined a night that hadn't even started. Throughout college I barely talked to guys because they didn't talk to me.  While my friends found the "coolest" of dudes to hook up with, I'd be in bed wondering why they were so mean. Weren't the guys in college supposed to be more mature?  It's hard to be a social person and really love people when they don't care to like you back. Your faith in them plummets. Of course I shake my head and laugh at this now, I just feel for the millions of young girls (and guys) that are going through this...*sigh* keep your heads up kids, one day you'll be so proud you did! A million hugs your way!

This year, I hadn't really thought much about my costume. It was probably the first time I didn't really have an idea of what I wanted to be so I decided to resurrect an oldie but goodie!  I save all my costumes and being on a budget this definitely helps! I brought my pumpkin out of storage, which I wore either Sophomore or Junior year (I was also Garth once haha). The only addition I hand made was my stalk! I had all the materials and literally spent about 15mins on it and it was the perfect touch.
 I also got the reaction that I 100% expected. Most of the girls were surprised I wasn't "made up more" or had a fancier costume. Even the guys, weeks before the party, when I told them about it, would sort of pause then force an "alright". HA! I love it.

I wanted to chat about Halloween because I'm no hater. Sadly, if a girl feels she only gets one night a year to go all out and be sexy, then wear whatever the fuck it is you wanna wear. Be it short, long, tight, baggy, ugly, cute, funny just own it and feel great! The night/party/holiday is yours to enjoy just as much as anyone else! Werk it.

This week is my show with The Glamazons. I'm SO nervous. I'm also super excited to meet some new people and also get to perform at Le Poisson Rouge! AAAAAhhhhh! You can find all info here. If you can, please come out and support the cause. I am extremely honored to be a part of it.

Ciao for now,


PS: I'm taking suggestions on what to write about for new posts! Please feel free to post them on my page!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Tassels on Delay!

No, I'm not stoned -although I wish- I was just super lazy! And when I wasn't feeling lazy I was at work...boooooo to me, I know!

Happy Wednesday! How was Tuesday without me? Awful I'm betting ha! jk jk (I love writing double "jk"!) I had a really fun yet fairly uneventful weekend. Friday night I decided to meet my girl Charlie Gunn(whom I hadn't seen in FOREVER!) at Calamity Chang's Room 69. I say it a lot, I don't go to shows much because frankly I just can't afford to go out. I have to be really selective and aware of my week when planning things. This was well worth it, even though I was exhausted and could have easily gone home and to bed. I practiced what I preached, though and headed out for a glass of wine!

It was fun to watch the show and see what the audience sees. I really loved performing at Hotel Chantelle so I wanted to check out a different POV. Afterward we ended up having another drink and some good eats at the usual post-show spot whose freakin name I cannot think of to save my life but it's right on the corner of Ludlow and Broome, across from Chantelle! Anyway, I love sitting with CC, she gives me great advice when I need it and really encourages me.

 Everyone needs a cheerleader! Other than my occasional hot ass reflection, I work overtime being my own cheerleader mentally. Here's my self-absorbed hot morning pic. I posted it on my Twitter but I try my best (sometimes!) to keep Facebook free of slutty pics I take of myself for my mother's sake. I love this bra, it makes my rack look extremely approachable haha grrr, I need a haircut but my color looks fly as hell!

Right now my calendar is pretty empty which means I have to use my free nights wisely to work on current acts and feel out a new one. Next week though I have a SUPER exciting show that I had mentioned before: The Big Girlie Show with THE GLAMAZONS! What what! Doing my newest act, which I LOVE, so I hope it goes over well!

Additionally I'm in the works of heading back to Staten Island with Meat My Friends. I was really putting it off because I'm in search for my Manhattan venue. Yes "my", I'm not messing around.  When it feels right, it's gonna happen!

I have a bad habit of saying "blah blah blah...and I'm a nobody" when a great opportunity is offered to me and I'm so excited explaining it to someone. We all know it's much easier to give advice than to take it but my number one goal is stop saying this. I don't think it all the time but sometimes it's easy to be self-deprecating as to avoid being proud! Well fuck the bullshit, I am pumped and I AM somebody! :)

Thanks for reading and baring with my tardiness!

Ciao for now,


PS: Here's the official flyer for The Big Girlie Show - please share it!

Monday, October 17, 2011

Mind over Matter.

As long as I kept myself laughing I wouldn't start crying. Everything the priest said I would take the wrong way as to shift my attention from what was really happening.  I always knew I'd be at your wedding, but I didn't think I'd be a guest.

It's over now and at the advice of many this should be closure but it hasn't hit me yet. Today I do not want to get out of bed. I'm still confused and in some thoughts filled with anger.  I feel ripped off by the universe and that everything I believe in has been turned to dust.  At this very second, I am having a hard time looking ahead.  I admit with confidence, that your first dance as husband and wife was the hardest thing I've ever had to sit through in my life thus far. I excused myself midway to collect my thoughts in the restroom. In that moment I needed to walk away as much as I needed air.

Throughout the night I kept conversation, rum'n'cokes, and cigarettes coming. At some point I had really convinced myself that I was somewhere else and nothing of the sort had happened at all. It was in creeping moments of silence when my mind had time to wander. And in those same moments I'd turn my eyes up letting the tears dry on their own.


The beginning of my weekend was nothing short of amazing though. I was at Nurse Bettie's on Thursday with a new act and had super confidence in it. I feel ok to say it went really well and I'm pretty sure it looked great. Either way, I felt like a million bucks afterward.

Friday, I was super honored to both perform then host the Early Bird Special show of Drive Thru Burlesque. It was my first time hosting in Manhattan. I can't believe it's happened...this can only be the beginning!  It was a rough start. I was the opener and the crowd wasn't anywhere near warmed up yet. As with lots of shows once you start feeling the groove and the audience seems looser, the show is about to be over *womp womp* but none the less I had a blast. I took note of some things that worked and didn't work. There is no way to get better at anything than just going for it, working it out on the stage. It was awesome!

I need to update my resume as far as day jobs go. I've done a lot over the last year and haven't put it down in writing yet. I'm not that happy with the things I'm doing to get by and pay rent. I need more creative freedom, a sense of authority (because I like being charge, I'm organized and I'm good at it), and frankly a bigger pay check.

Now, more than ever, is the time I must keep on keepin on.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

I Love Raw Zucchini!!

Jokes are welcome but I'm obsessed! I've also booked a shoot for next month with the likes of Moz Photo who I had the absolute pleasure of meeting while I was out in Long Island at the Rockabilly Hot Rod Riot.  I haven't shot in sometime and am not only dying to but I need new pics stat! Booking a shoot also sets off my nerves! I'm looking forward to shooting with a woman again though. Haven't done that since Lindsey Thorne, who shot some of THE best pictures I have (1 is right there! On location at the Chelsea Piers & The Frying Pan). She's now working her magic in Austin, TX. Not that I'm uncomfortable with men but I definitely feel calmer when I have a confident woman on my side, rooting for my best face/body/everything to come out! Biggup to my lady photogs!

My birthday was on Tuesday. (As you would know if you freakin read my shit HA! jk jk) I got my tattoo, which is healing beautifully. Went back to Hand of Glory even though my boy Derek bounced on NYC for the suburbs of CT. So happy with the work of Matt Ahn!! I did the usual barely sleeping when I have a fresh tattoo due to my fear of rubbing it off in the night. Impossible I know but I paid good money so I'm not trying to fuck these up!  I ended up having a great dinner with my 2 lady friends JT & DC. We went to Fonda - totally our fave - in Park Slope and had margaritas and every dessert on the menu only AFTER I asked the guys to sing to us. There were also 2 other birthdays in the house. October 5th is the most popular birthday in the world. It's totes hilar to think all our parents were bangin on NYE - live it up! hahaha

I'm totally PMSing. Ew, sorry. But I think having moved in with a new girl, my shit has been all messed up and off schedule. So annoying!! And, we all know I ain't gettin any lately so it isn't a pregnancy scare here. Besides, if I was that peanut growing in my belly, I'd be more scared LOL (wow, great abortion joke, I rule!) I feel like I'm always puffy and pms-y when I have a bunch of shows. I'm always exhausted and kinda just want the show to be over with (no way to live a life!) and this is exactly how I felt Friday...blah!

I worked my day job and then had to werk it at Room 69. There was this terribly talented lineup, which also makes me self-conscious, and I was so tired and feeling bad about my body until I walked up the freakin stairs at Hotel Chantell only to see NJ FRIENDS: LP, KB, and RM like deer in headlights!!!!! I was so confused and over come with emotion I didn't know what to say!!! WHY/HOW WERE THEY HERE?! Can you believe it? I couldn't. Within 1 second of seeing their faces and hearing them say "this isn't all of us" I both freaked out and started crying. My bro showed up. Enough said. They brought me yellow roses (my fave kind, I don't think any of them knew that either!) and a custom made cake with my pic on was nothing short of amazing. They rule so hard and totally turned not only my night around but my birthday week. Also I have to say how much I LOVED performing at Room 69. It's evolved into a floor show and playing the entire room was nothing short of exhilarating! So glad Calamity's decided to start having newer folk perform there!

Even Thursday night was a blast. One of my bffs from Flotown, CJ, was here (for what I thought was only the night because he was also in on my Friday night surprise!)! I ended up meeting Andy of Soldier Leisure. He's an artist of mainly murals that you can spot around the world I think, if not only the US. I'm loving this growing brand am looking forward to working with him. Amongst drinks and getting to know each other we chatted business and I can't wait to see the magic we make! Stand by for deets down the road!

So I'm finally doing a new act that I've been sorta blowing off.  It's a classic to a Dinah Washington song and I'm over the moon about it. The song itself moves me like crazy, I think it's gonna be super liberating to werk that shit out on stage. Another busy week of day job then night jobs but I'm stoked!

Add to your calendars for this week:
**Thursday Nurse Bettie's 10p FREE show with Calamity Chang and company
**Friday Parkside Lounge 11p $10 (3shows!) with Drive Through Burlesque - I am both performing in and HOSTING the Early Bird Special. This officially marks my first ever time as a host in Manhattan. I can't even wrap my head around it. Prepare to hear all my secrets. I don't know why I spill my guts when I have a mic in my hand but I have a blast!
Side note: the people that run these shows are so fucking supportive and sweet and keep it so real and perverted in life that I can't say enough about them!

Am waiting for confirmation that I'll be performing in a show hosted by The Glamazons!!! Holy cow!
And I think I also just booked my first show FOR THE NEW YEAR! What?! Headin back to Long Island!

I won't lie. I've been a bit busy and haven't made some phone calls about putting shows together Bad Tina! *slaps self across the face*

This is my weekly update and it sounds pretty great to me! I am still on the hunt for non-ill fitting white bottoms. Preferably ruffled ones but I can't seem to find plus sized ones in a store (I don't want to order online!).

Hope you have a great week ahead and even greater weekend plans! Thanks for continually checking in with Bip Hips, Big Dreams - it means more than you could possibly know!

Ciao for now,


PS: If you're in NYC, get your tix to Colin Kane. This hilarious, filthy, smokin hot, and truly inspiring comedian. My man is climbing to the top and I plan on watching him every step of the way. Oct 20 at Gotham Comedy Club - Do it! I'll be there with my too-hot-to-trot singer sidekick Angelo. #noautographsorpictures #security!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Another Year Older, None the Wiser

That's totally a lie!
I'm feeling on top of my game (the game of life that is) I'm just lacking the physical resources (money) to bring what I want to life (musical theater with a twist). I'm really struggling financially. For how much I work I barely make enough to keep afloat in NYC. Additionally, I've got -what most would think- are poorly prioritized priorities. Ha! Does that make sense? Rent first, food next, cigarettes (yeah, I know, shut up) mixed in with coffee, shoes, dresses, tattoos, dining out, and then somehow I manage to get some bills paid on time. Whatevs, mind ya biz! hahah's my Birthday! Hooray! I'm 28. Can you believe it? I can't. I don't stress much about age though, that's silly. It's only when I put my current life up against my friends' and family's living in the burbs. In NY I feel at ease, when I leave is when I feel judged and completely lacking. Last in line. I feel like NYC is the magnet for the 1 friend in a group that gets sucked here to live among fellow dream chasers. Dreamers are everywhere, it's the chasers that find one another...

I'm feeling a bit lonely (it's late on Monday/early Tuesday)..I should clarify: I wish I wasn't alone tonight. That aside...this my 3rd birthday in NY. I still pinch myself as a reminder that it IS MY REAL LIFE. I am living it. So crazy fucking cool. I've had an especially great year with all the people I've met and am constantly meeting, the opportunities being offered or even the ones I'm making for myself. I'm incredibly proud of how I continue to evolve and get closer and closer to the person I not only want to be, but know I truly am. I know that all this not-so-hard phase of hardships will pay itself off!

So far 28 is great (all 50mins of it haha!).
I'll continue keeping the faith in my big hips and my big dreams because after such a year, I've nothing left to lose!

Happy Tuesday cats & kittens!
Ciao for now,


PS: This Friday, 10/7 Hotel Chantelle Debut for Calamity Chang's Room 69...sizzle! Free show, 9pm sharp, gorgeous place come have a glass of wine with me!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Apple Cake

My Mom and Grandmom came to visit on Monday and brought me lots o'stock for my fridge including almás aka in boring English "Apple Cake" my Gmom made. Grandmom is cool. She sincerely liked my apartment which made me feel good. So sweet. I also got some stuffed cabbage which I had no idea was coming so I'm psyched about that too hahaha I'm obviously super excited about the free home cooked food I was brought today...

In other news there is no news. I think the universe is on my side when it comes to maintaining a level of confidence and keeping my eye on the possibility of achieving goals.  Again, it took me years to get here but there's some higher power(s) definitely holding their hand out for me. I am grateful for the good signs and the unfortunate ones too.

Recently, there was a woman that I had never met - I've only admired her from afar due mainly to her hair, makeup and always vintage attire - and she passed away. Suddenly. At 31. I am tearful even writing this now.  In moments like this I am furious with the skies. I ask of you to please not wish the days is short.

It's already Tuesday again. So crazy. This month as flown by and October is days away. The main reason for my Mom's visit was to bring me my freshly hemmed and pressed gown for Thursday night! It's the teaser party for The Ninth Annual NY Burlesque Festival. I am pumped to be a volunteer and will be helping out with performer check-ins and then wherever I am needed after that!

I have a couple of feelers out to produce some shows, stay tuned for the word on that.  Would be working with some new venues and people which is always exciting for me. *fingers crossed* Hopefully some thing gets confirmed soon.

I realize my post is lacking in exclamation points which is extremely not like me. I'm feeling very sensitive about life and it's no guarantee policy. I never live in fear but every now and then I get worried about the people around me. So sorry to poop on this party!

I hope you are feeling well and living life the way you want.

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Blah Blah Blah!

I love the dress. I couldn't stop staring at myself in the mirror and through her just as excited exhale, my mom pleaded "honey, just keep the weight off." Within seconds I took the dress off and walked away without saying more than "uh huh, because you too exercise and have a healthy diet." She barely understood what I meant.
What the hell? Everyone has fallen victim to parents saying the wrong things but I just don't get it. That shit hurts. They ruin everything in a moment with barely a full sentence. And when it comes to my mom it's usually about my weight.
The dress I'm talking about is my gorgeous floor length gown I'll be wearing as a presenter at the Golden Pastie Awards. I'm over the moon about it all. The dress is more gorgeous in person (had to order a different size and color online). I'm not putting a picture of the website on here because there has to be some element of surprise when I finally do get to wear it in 2 weeks!

That aside, late Thursday night my friends in Big Daddy Deluxe reached out looking for a last minute emcee...after a few minutes of trying to come up with someone I offered myself! Wasn't sure if they'd go for it but THEY DID! I was the evening lady on the mic at the Rockabilly Hot Rod Riot in Long Island. So excited I happened to have the day off so it was meant to be! I got to ride the train with Evelyn Vinyl and Dottie Dynamo who were booked for the burlesque portion. Later they also joined the pinup contest which was SO much fun because there ended up being a really drunk girl that got herself right in line and man she was a blast to fuck with on stage hahaha Long Island proved to be a lot of fun and the rockabilly scene is going as strong as they can. I met so many awesome people from roller derby girls, to the vintage car owners, musicians, performers, you name it! Everyone was incredibly kind and I got a lot of positive feedback which was SO nice!! Not gonna lie, I almost didn't offer myself out of fear & overall laziness but I pushed myself because I knew I would have regretted it for sure!
There are some really wonderful pictures from Saturday. A lot of professional photogs were around and a lot of not so professional guys with cell phones HA! I think I look HUGE in those pictures (which probably means I'm huge in real life too). I also look at them today and think "god, I looked awful!" I didn't feel awful though so I guess that counts for something. I definitely have some weird reversal of ego because I feel like a size 4 in a size 14/16 mold. ugh...I'll give myself a few days to like those pictures. I loved my hair though. Probably the only thing I have going for me. I am totally emotional for girl reasons *hint hint* hahah gross!

Last night I was at Kitty Nights again and tried out some clowning. I wasn't too happy with it. I was a little too impulsive rather than sticking to what I had rehearsed. Also my clown shoes aren't ready yet so I just wore my red sequin shoes against my will. Other than that I performed along side some super talent and as always there was a great audience! I love Fem but I mean, who doesn't really?!

Tomorrow night I am kittening (meow!) at Calamity Chang's Drunken Dragon Night at Macoa Trading Co. again. Working with some girls I haven't yet so that's exciting!! Debating what to do with my hair. Might go with a middle part for a Betty Boop look. We shall see...

I'm also rehearsing with my Two Hand Band over the next few weeks. We might have a gig at Drive Thru Burlesque *wink*

Hope you had a wonderful weekend and now an even better week to follow. Thanks for stopping by!

Ciao for now,

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

37,000 Feet

That's our cruising altitude. I love flying. I used to pretend-hate it like most of the population does and was convinced I'd die in the air, or rather, falling out of it. Today I realized how safe I feel up here - yes, I'm above the clouds as I type. Totes cray cray! If anything I feel even better in the sky.  There's an incubating effect, I feel calm...usually.

I also am not sure if it's American Air or my hips but I fit in my seat like a hand in it's glove. I'll never forget in 2006 - my Euro trip - I barely fit between the arm rests. I felt my 204-ish lb frame's unapologetic spreading out, creeping up on my neighbor.  My thighs felt 3x the size they already were. Talk about being embarrassed. After that series of flights I trained myself to wear the tightest jeans I could to keep me encased.  I don't weigh much less in numbers but I look a whole lot different. The seats felt like lazy boys this time around :)

The second our wheels lifted off the runway I started crying. I felt absurdly lonely, confused, completely useless, unoriginal, uncreative, and everything else lacking luster, gusto, or confidence.  Total 180 from when I was landing a couple of days ago. Ugh, I'm so sensitive. I know it's part of my charm but its hard being such a softie. I also know that not everyone can take a deep breath and keep trudging on the way I do!  Until next time, Good Bye LA thanks for 2 solid days of emotional weightlessness.

I finished reading Larry "Bozo" Harmon's Book The Man Behind the Nose. I don't think I've read anything I've been this inspired by in ages.  The simplicity is whats pushing me to take flight. I would give anything to have had even 5mins with the clown or the man behind the nose.  I feel such a connection with just his writing and the way he presented it. I felt like it was a conversation between him and I. A casual chat. A one-on-one over coffee. He also had little pictures to accompany his stories and some were so random I actually laughed out loud.

There's no other way to explain his life: he was a simple, small town boy with big dreams.  It was only by chance he really pursued show business, because he was well on his way to becoming a doctor! He was kind, hard-working at no matter what job he had taken, and confident. His ultimate goal in life was to ensure that people were living joyous lives filled with laughter. Peanuts!  Bozo was the vehicle for him to spread such a message round the world.

I'm really enjoying another clown coming into my life. My first real taste of theater/show business was interning for Slava's Snowshow and I've been a clown-lover since.  I always thought about clown college (ha!) but as with most training/classes I long for, I cannot afford so freely.  I'll be testing out my first public clown chops at Kitty Nights this Sunday!

Today I'm starting my makeup training with Sephora. Finally!
Am really excited about this. I am trying to get as much as I can out of this company. I know it is not where I want to be forever but right now I am grateful to have something regular and to be learning about something I love.  I've been going back and forth about leaving another regular job I have. Will keep you updated on that. The regular cash will be tough to leave behind but it's just such a drag on me. I need to take my own advice and do what's right for me, my soul!

Thanks for swingin' by today, hope you have a great week! xoxo

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, September 6, 2011

It's Oh So Quiet...shhhh, shhhh

JUST KIDDING! I wanna shout from a mountain top! Well not really, I'd rather be on stage yelling and telling dirty secrets and bad jokes and that's exactly where I'll be! I'm now sitting down with my calendar and am ecstatic with what's written in the dates.

We're just 4 weeks shy of my 28th Birthday. This means - that after a year of shenanigans (read: burlesque classes, to performing, to producing, to hosting) I am now a part of something really over-the-top exciting! As my readers and some friends know, my friend JT and I celebrated our birthdays at the NY Burlesque festival last year and that time has come again. A little twist in the story though, is that at this year's awards ceremony; The Golden Pastie Awards I'M GOING TO BE A PRESENTER! HOLY SHIT! That means, if you, my pseudo-colleague and probable stage inspiration, win an award I will be one of the girls handing it to you! The hunt for the perfect gown continues - HELP ME, I'M FREAKING OUT AND AM DIRT POOR!
Aside from the immediate anxiety this proposition induced, I am now speechless with delight having said "of course". It will be an honor to share such a night with some people that have unknowingly changed my life forever.

I am happy to say my calendar seems comfortably filled with shows. Here's where you can see me over the next few weeks and hopefully that means you come out!

Sunday, Sept 18 - PERFORMING Kitty Nights at Mug Lounge with the coolest cat of all Fem Appeal
Tuesday, Sept 20 - KITTENING Macao Trading Co. Drunken Dragon Nights with my favorite asian Calamity Chang
Sunday, Oct 2 - PRESENTING Golden Pastie Awards - wow, just wow.
Tuesday, Oct 4 - PERFORMING Regular Life on my Birthday HA! Gotcha! I'm sneaky.
Friday, Oct 7 - PERFORMING FOR THE FIRST TIME Hotel Chantelle Room 69, Chang does it again!
Thursday, Oct 13 - PERFORMING Nurse Bettie's Spankin the LES, Asian Sexsation hahah!
Friday, Oct 14 - HOSTING Drive Thru Burlesque at Parkside Lounge - really looking forward to hosting the Early Bird Special portion of the show. I love chatting up the audience and am so grateful to Lefty Lucy & Sizzle Dizzle for giving me a place to work it out!

*exhale* This is crazy! I can't get over it. Mark your calendars freaks!

I'm coming down from my weekend-in-New Jersey high. I got to celebrate 2 great birthdays with old friends. We sat around a fire, I drank way too much rum and laughed so hard I cried. Best of times.

I leave for LA Thursday morning for a quick job. I need to get out of here for a bit but I wish I wasn't going alone.  Whatevs! What can I do.  I think I'm having a rough week because I made a sort of bad decision this weekend. It was partially against my will, almost like I was testing myself and now I'm paying for it emotionally. It's way too heavy for me today. I need coffee, a shower, and to head into work so my brain is occupied.

I hope you all have a wonderful week! Thanks for reading.

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, August 16, 2011


I Don't Date, I Dabble.

Sometimes by choice, other times I feel I have no choice.

I said it before: the dude I thought I'd eventually be with til I was old, is set to marry someone not named Tina Tassels. Somehow over the years (10+ to be clear) through all sorts of garbage and goodness we've remained friends. I am confident and honest to say he knows more about me than anybody else in my life. In recent weeks our relationship has shifted and I'm feeling much better about the realization that he is not mine nor will he ever be to the fullest capacity. If I believe in love, I must believe that everything is panning out the way it is supposed to.  Hardest physical & emotional stresses to work through but incredibly possible.

As for dating I haven't done it nearly as much as most people my age have. I don't have ex-boyfriend horror stories (thank God) but I also do not have lots of the experiences I fear will catch up to me later in life. On the regular, friends try to reassure me that they won't. I usually agree but as with most things, it is easier to give advice than to take it. During our young lives it is vital to be with ourselves, to realize who we are, who we want to be, and facing reality of what we might not have control over.  I may have this one up over most people I know, but I still feel at a loss. 

I'm pretty sure I wanna be married one day. Sadly I think I just wanna love someone so much and have them be ok with it.  I don't feel comfortable saying I wanna be loved. That's an entirely different issue though. I say it over and over again: when I can afford a therapist I'll be asking all of you for recommendations HA!

I know I can be bitter too. I have far too many stories though that reinforce my frustration rather than help to heal it. I'm not looking to settle down necessarily, nor am I looking to sleep around but I will go with whatever flow feels good in the moment. Unfortunately most recent opportunities are with good people making bad decisions.  This sucks. I have to be honest with myself and admit how selfish I am to open the door when certain someones knock.
If the boats'a rockin, don't com a'knockin!?

All that sappy shit aside, I'm incredibly positive and open to possibility. Like any normal girl I get nervous when a super cute boy is chatting me up but I always assume he's gay and thinks I'm fabulous (stereotype alert!). I have bad gay-dar. I love everyone though I think that's why my radar doesn't even give a shit. My second assumption is that his girlfriend or wife is lingering. Yes, this is an issue in my life. My question after all seemingly good conversation is then "Why didn't he ask for my number either?!" grrrrr haha this my life! But then, because I'm bold and throw caution to the wind I hunt them down and make contact again. Works to my advantage even if for only 1 night.

I think I'm writing all of this because I'm still sorta high from the weekend. Had a really fantastic Saturday night into Sunday afternoon. I don't remember the last time that happened. But this person too is fleeting...what is a girl to do? *sigh

I realize this is a long post of nonsense and it is a bit of random vomit. I'm hanging in my new bedroom, in my new apartment, in my new neighborhood, with my new state of mind. Everything's gonna be alright!

Have a great week!

Ciao for now,

Monday, August 8, 2011

It's a New Dawn, It's a New Day...

...and I'm feelin gooooooood!

Omg. Where to start!?
I've been slackin big time on the interweb, my bad yo, but if you follow me on Twitter or hang with me on Facebook you're pretty much up-to-date! This place here, that you're reading, is only to indulge and vent and ramble on and on about myself...

So rewind a bit! Holy cow, I haven't been here since June 16th. Almost 2 months. Shit. This will probably be a short post because I'm overwhelmed by what to share ha! I'm so dumb.

I'm gonna do a long story short vomit of a recap, brace yourselves:
JUNE 24th, I had my second show at Full Cup in Staten Island: Fly Me to the Moon. Amazing. Nick Williams singing and hosting while a keyboardist & drummer accompanied. The live music changed the entire feel of the show. I fell in love. It was more of a classic night with some twists. My costume/performance of "Temptation" was all fucked up because I decided to wear my red gloves for some pop of color but what I failed to pay attention to is that I have tassels on those gloves and huge sequins on my dress so my intended-to-be-sexy hand running down the chest move was faltered. Friends are not good critics "no one could tell" totally lying because I didn't hide it too well, but I also know it felt worse than it looked. THEN, my stupid bra got hooked onto my fishnet body suit, yet another piece I've never worn with this costume but decided too. At the end I was laughing and (without control) yelled "IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY" hahahah The cast was so wonderful. I was honored to host newbies & vets alike. I also, once again, had a number of Jersey friends representing. So cool. The show ran much smoother when it came to raffle prizes too.AND I ALMOST FORGOT I SANG!!! Finally. it was such a relief. "Tina Tassels and her Two Hand Band" is something I'm hoping to expand on. My two hand band obviously implies that I lack a real band but instead I snap! hahah But there was no greater joy than asking an entire audience to help me out. Bringing a room of strangers together like that is a truly powerful, and in my opinion, important moment in any show. I have faith everyone loved it as much as I did.

JULY was actually super busy and exciting. Some of that fizzled for now but hopefully will will boil up again...will explain. July 9th, I co-producer/hosted the first show at the grand opening night of Paris Cabaret & Burlesque in Red Hook with my girl Kiki Valentine. Remember her? Yeah, I know!! Was so stoked to be working along side her. It was a hugely successful night and had, mid-week, been asked to plan another one for the coming Saturday. We had another wonderful show except in my opinion it was too rushed to be able to spread the word enough. Aside from all this, we have some really beautiful photos from both nights by Eric Kun. Check Night #2 out here.  Unfortunately the owners are still trying to figure things out so to my knowledge there are no shows scheduled with Kiki and I. Majoy bummer but it's such  beautiful venue that I am honored have hosted/performed there. Also on the weekend of July 16th, I was part of a fundraiser show that a friend of a friend was organizing. She is a playwright and producer and asked me to be part of it and I couldn't resist! We had a great turn out and all proceeds of the door & silent auctions went to help fund Ampersand: A Romeo & Juliet Story go check it out at the Fringe Festival in NYC! For this, in trying my best to keep with the theme I went to the funeral of Leonardo DiCaprio as Romeo (naturally) and calmly removed my funeral garb to Des'ree's "Kissing You" from the soundtrack. I love that song. It's ridic. While rehearsing it I started to cry because I was so committed but to play with the audience I did more smirks than intended! I would love to have a copy of this performance if anyone out in the world has one!! The following Monday, I kittened at Macao Trading Co. for Calamity Chang's Drunken Dragon Nights. Sizzling hot show in a beautiful venue with classic acts. I loved it and hope to do it again. Although what I could do without was a grown man meowing at me all night. Listen buddy, take your button down embroidered shirt and thinning hair somewhere else. *puke* I also got to intro Calamity which is HUGE for me. I look up to her so much (not physically ha!) that it was cool to say a few words and get the crowd ready for her. WERK! THEN, after a much needed break from life with my old friends in Atlantic City, Sunday the 24th I had my Kitty Nights Debut!!! What an honor to work with Fem Appeal. Since the second I met her I fell in love much to what everyone said I'd do! Kitty Nights usually has an audience of entertainers which makes it exciting to sorta kick back with your peers and enjoy each other without the outside world interfering. Selfish? No doubt. *wink*

So after those 2 months I MOVED!!! I'm so excited to call Bay Ridge my new neighborhood. My apt is amazing and huge and cheaper. (Found on craigslist, 1 roommate, Jersey girl, woot woot!)  I've finally created a nice area for costumes and craft materials. and I have enough floor space to rehearse pretty much any act I can dream up, my room is THAT big. I feel like a born again virgin. The change has brought nothing but good vibes in every part of my life. I am feeling much freer than I have in the past few months. Change of location, roommates, streets, air is exactly what my mental, physical, and emotional health needed. Exhale.

I have a couple of exciting things coming up this month, so far I know I will be kittening yet again for Dangerous Curves Ahead. I LOVE this group of super gorgeous, hilarious, sweet, talented women. I am honored they're having me on board again! And that is THIS Saturday, August 10 at Superfine in Dumbo, Brooklyn - come hang! By the way, isn't that the weirdest picture ever? HA!

Friday, the 26th I will be back at Drive Thru Burlesque! Again, I love Lefty & Sizzle. They are incredibly kind and great cheerleaders. I don't know what act to do. I really need to work on my jellyfish BUT I also wanna revisit "Sometimes I Get a Good Feeling". I've been having good ideas how to make it way better. We'll see how it goes once I start rehearsing it though.

Wow. I think I'm done.
A couple scary things have happened in my family in the past 5 days. 2 car accidents, 1 is really bad and I'm currently waiting for updates. Superstition says these things happen in I sit here patiently.

Welcome back -if you've been here before- and thanks again for reading. I promise I'll try to update more. I realize that I should write when I feel like writing doesn't matter what is or isn't going on. It's therapeutic. Just so everyone knows I've been steady working at Sephora. I'm slowly transitioning into makeup artistry which is really doesn't really pay the bills but the babysitting does. Once I'm back on my feet I will feel much more confident looking into more production work - where I should be!

Hope to see most of you soon & at a show too!

Ciao for now,

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Check yo' Self!

Hey you guyssss!

So. After my sad, anxiety filled couple of weeks of worry I've sat myself back up and taken the reigns. Bills are being paid, cell phones are NOT being downsized, and I've got lots of fun things coming to help ease my mind! I always joke that I am a list maker, whose list says "make a list". If I'm organized I feel better and more confident. I'm sure everyone is like this but I can admit the toll it takes on me when things are all out of sorts!

First off - not sure if I shared this before (and please don't say: go back and read your last post - get a life! haha) but I had the absolute honor of working with photographer Mark Mann. He's shooting a couple different projects with a graflex camera so we only took 8 SHOTS on film! Cannot wait to see the jpegs after he scans 'em but this is a snapshot from my phone of the screen LOL ghe-tto! I was so nervous and sorta embarrassed - not sure why - but my face says it all haha amazing! Check out his page & his accomplishments.

Recently I got to perform at Nurse Bettie's in the LES. I love that bar, you should definitely check it out! My girl Calamity Chang hosts a show there every Thursday and decided to have a NY School of Burlesque Class of 2011 show! It was SO great to be back with most of the gang from my first ever show. I see them pretty often but we haven't all performed together in awhile.  I was nervous up until I got there. I realized the stage was about a foot bigger than I remembered but it's a whopping 4x5foot space HA! I did a new act, that sadly is really short but I love it's simplicity and slowness and short black gloves! I regret not wearing smaller bottoms (I wore high-waisted retro style ones). Because the act is so short I need more of a wow factor when the super long zipper is coming down. It's seriously like 2 feet long, my favorite part of the dress!

Also just a quick update: I've been performing bare legged more than with tights! Totally wild. Feelin great.

I'm pretty pumped thinking that I'm banking some regular acts. I love my jungle girl "Temptation" act & the newest "Go Slow" one. I'm hoping to make this jellyfish one really count too. Maybe the first song I use won't be the one but right now I'm feeling it!

Ok so I have some shows coming up, mark your calendars:

Friday, June 24th: Fly Me to the Moon
This is my second production in Staten Island but this time the host (and my co-producer) Nick Williams, is also singing us through the oldies with a pianist and *fingers crossed* some drums! I'm excited to announce the lineup because we have some newbies, intermediates, & vets alike: Vada James, Lula Rouge D'Amour, Coco Masala, Evelyn Vinyl, Kita St.Cyr & I of course will be gracing the Full Cup stage.
$10, 9pm doors, Raffle prizes!

Wednesday, June 29: The Pink Room presents: Mulholland Drive Burlesque & Franny's FLICKS
I'll be working the door - come check one of the most successful new shows NYC has to offer!
Double feature for only $15, 8pm

Saturday, July 2nd: CupCakeGoth & Marinara Stardust present a Night of Art & Burlesque
Come check out great local artists with art on display, a burlesque show with DJ Powerchild spinning jams, and dancers providing a free spanking booth for attendees! A beautiful night of art, sexy ladies, and fun!!!
**Finally debuting a jellyfish act. I dreamed it would be my first act ever back in December but the thought was overwhelming and I felt too much pressure so now we'll see what happens! :)


Sunday, July 24th: KITTY NIGHTS!!
MAKING MY DEBUT at this show & venue. I absolutely love Fem Appeal and I GUARANTEE that you will too after you watch her perform and get to chat with her. Incredible.
9pm $5

Friday, July 29th: Drive Thru Burlesque
I am so excited. I haven't been there in awhile - one of the first places that let me work the door then perform. Brought to you by Lefty Lucy (Miss Coney Island 2011) & Sizzle Dizzle. They couldn't be the sweeter to new girls in town!

Alright, laundry is done. I have to paint my nails and get to sleep asap! I had a long day - great day spent outside - but long as hell ma dudes!

Thanks for tuning in! Hope to catch you at a show!

Ciao for now,

PS: In a couple of weeks, I'm heading back to my hometown for a weekend celebration called Patriotic Day. Complete with picnic, booze, and most likely skinny dipping. CANNOT WAIT!

PPS: I've been offered a complimentary corset from a company I shop from pretty often. HOW CRAZY!? Once all is finalized I will share - I am incredibly flattered. Opening that email was amazing!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Take It Easy Like You Should


Omg it's been ages you guys!
I said it before and I'll say it again, I lay low when I'm feelin down. Shits been tough.

I'm being financially fucked by the man (not the one I want either ha!) I'm aware of the rule:
"don't talk about money because it means you don't have any"

Well, I don't have any and it's effecting my life in every way possible. I've become the New Yorker I've never wanted to be: I'm working just to live here. Not cool. Not fun. Not letting it happen for too much longer. Currently I'm making plans on how to downsize my life to maximize from minimum. (That sounds so cool) I prefer not to say "downgrade" because it has a not so positive ring to it. I'm trying SO hard to keep my chin so fuckin high, so stay tuned. My cell phone isn't gonna be so smart anymore, hopefully my cable channels are going bye-bye, and I'm even toying with the idea of moving...that's the hardest one to wrap my head around because I really really love where I live. Like really love. 
I started working a couple of weeks ago and although not exactly my dream job, I'm really enjoying it and feeling good about being in a work place. I know a lot of people say it, but those of you that really know me, know that I am not myself if I'm not working in some capacity. I'm a hustler baby! 
As for tonight, I'll enjoy my poor people food -snobby i know- and try to stay pumped about having a plan...

Onto stripping! 
I was finally the sacrificial lamb at bomb diggity Calamity Chang's Beatles' Burlesque and it was nothing short of AMAZING! Sadly I have no pictures - I don't know if anyone does - but it was really a great night. Two friends from Jersey SM & RM even drove in for the show. I hadn't really seen any friends from NJ in a long time so it felt better than I can even explain to have them there. I did the song "I want you (She's so heavy)" and loved every freakin second of it. I was also the most nude I've ever been on stage ever and couldn't feel any more ok with it. No stockings - finished in a thong and pasties - game on! I'm finding the more I choreograph my routine the more confident I am. It's probably because I really love to dance and work my bod *wink you see this suitcase? Full of pink, green, white?!? the only black in there is on my leopard print which hardly counts as black!! It's also one of my fave costumes now haha but anyway. Hello, I'm becoming brighter and more naked. I thought it'd take longer to feel this way and I guess it has. A good 27 years in fact! But I ain't mad atcha, whoever you are :)

Last Thursday, I also got the awesome opportunity to model for photographer Sebastian Smith as part of the "Live on-set" show at day 1 of the New York Photo Festival, produced by WIN Initiative. Amazing. Cannot wait to see final pics but I'm already in love with some of the behind scenes shots. I got my makeup done by awesome "magic hands" as I called him, Charles Edward. Love these pictures in particular. Thanks to Melanie McLean for hookin it up! She's my awesome photog friend from Rutgers who contacted me about this project, that actually has potential for a future HUGE shoot for a magazine. Additionally I'm working  on getting some final images retouched that she took toooo!! You can see some of the outtakes here.


This Thursday, I am making a cameo in the feature film Carl(a). I'm nervous but so excited. To my knowledge, as of now, I am playing an aggressive hooker. And not aggressive in the street talk sense - a hooker who has AIDS and is aware of it and continues to spread it. I might be fighting someone. Oh god *bites nails* haha!

Also coming up is another Pink Room show! This time it's Wild at Heart and I'll be working the door. Be there! These shows are extremely fun, extremely packed, and have a great cast! OMG! I almost forgot I also got to do the first Franny's Flicks, that acted as the previews to last month's Blue Velvet show. I did a Sandra Dee act from Grease, which quickly turned into Bump-n-Grind by R. Kelly. Werk!

Thursday, June 6th is confirmed for Nurse Betty. Holy shit. This is one venue I'm terrified of performing in. The platform is small and the audience is literally 2 feet away from you. Come check out the FREE show at 10pm - great bar. Gets packed, come early and hang out!!

Also planning the next show with Nick Williams in Staten Island. We're taking it back to the music and shows that we love and would have gone to if we were alive in the 40s & 50s.  Mark your calendars: Friday, June 24th "Fly Me to the Moon" The lineup has changed, Nick is going to be singing and perhaps I'll have a tune prepared too...we'll see! Featuring some newbies and vets alike!

Ok, I need to wash my dishes and get to sleep. Can't wait to share my downSIZING endeavors/tips/tricks/whatevers with you all! Thanks for reading..

Ciao for now,

PS: And old friend is getting married Friday in NJ. I cannot wait to get there and see my people. <3