Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The Search for Femininity

There are few people in my life that have made me feel like a woman. I don't mean in terms of sexuality but, that I am not one of the guys. I still can't shake it some days. I can't wake up, throw on a dress, and be the me I feel like internally. I struggle with my "funny fat girl" role. What's wrong with being funny? Or fat? Nothing, except when you feel like a higher power is making you character act on a daily basis.

I've worn jeans & tee shirts for most of my life (still do!). To be clear it was usually men's tees & bowling shirts from Merry Go Round. Also my classic husky jeans because the girl's section didn't have any that fit me right. I felt most comfortable not trying to be to girly. Chubby girls aren't fem.

I just finished reading an article in my New York mag (fancy shmancy!) that talks about current studies attempting to prove that we are more impressionable in adolescence than, as previously believed, in our first 3 years of life. That our brains go through a "flurry" of changes during a time in life when we are searching for an identity, living in an realistic setting, and constantly defending ourselves mentally and emotionally.

Til this day I feel masculine because I developed this "nah, I'm cool" defense mechanism to avoid caring too much, or rather SHOWING that I care about much. It essentially effects all aspects of my life: I am terrified to date and I settle when it comes to my career and even some friendships.

Why is it so hard being a plus size, confident, funny, smart girl who wears high heels (I feel like a HUGE beast in them sometimes)? I don't get it.
It's been one of those weeks...

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Show Off!

What inspires you?  Not just moves you emotionally, we all have that capability (well most of us ha!), we're human after all. But what really gets you going? Peels you off the couch?

If it hasn't become clear that a good stage show does it for me, this week has proved it even further!  Once in a blue moon, I decide to give myself a calendar week filled with plans. I prepare to spend money I don't have, but spend the best of times with folks I haven't seen in a while. I schedule seeing shows, starting with the free ones. I will make it public and try to get a partner in crime, that way I don't back out due laziness. What a formula right? This way I can't even hide from myself!!
Sunday, my usual go to is Kitty Nights obvi! It's a weekly show, the longest running in NYC I believe, always has a guest host and a great lineup from nOObs to top dogs! I also won 2 raffle bags technically but gave up the second one to be fair.
Tuesday, I decided to finally check out Bushwick Burlesque, and I am SO happy I did! Dang. Best show I've seen in a LONG time. Darlinda & Scary Be killed it AND I got to see Dirty Martini in action again, woot!
Thursday, my tried and true show is my homegirl Calamity Chang's no-cover weekly show "Spankin the Lower East Side" at Nurse Bettie. SO much fun all the time. I love performing at that place too!
My final stop was Friday night at Bedlam Burlesque. Thanks to the dude who won my 2nd raffle bag at Kitty Nights, he invited me to be his +1! UM, GREAT SHOW! We had so much fun!

While all those nights left me exhausted, it bummed me out that I couldn't be a regular show goer. I just can't afford it. Ya know, a few brews or gin drinks on top of tips and gogo girls, what am I to do? Maybe I'll start committing to one show a week...that sounds pretty great actually!

So I now have 2 acts in the works. I've been very active in costuming and brainstorming and music finding/editing. It feels good. I am excited to get back on stage. As of now my next scheduled show is in March!

I'm peacing out on this entry because a dear friend of mine sent me a casting notice and  I need to submit my stuff asap! I hope you stay warm as the temperature is fucking off the chain!

Ciao for now,


PS: I started an OK Cupid profile. By started I mean I answered about 2 questions and haven't put a pic up. Hello 2013, baby steps!

PPS: I felt like a million bucks the other morning so I decided to snap a hot bod pic. I love my morning belly <3

Monday, January 14, 2013

Paintin' the Town

Still reading Kirstie Alley's book The Art of Men. I hate when a great book is almost finished. I get intentionally lazy with it and stop reading for a few days. Always trying to avoid the inevitable like a true eternal optimist ha! *sigh

Tuesday all over again! I planned a social butterfly sort of week for myself. I went to see Kitty Nights on Sunday, planning Bushwick Burlesque tonight, and now Bedlam Burlesque on Friday! Um...did you see the lineups?! I like having a super filled week of seeing everyone then dropping off the radar to costume & practice. Once I'm feeling ready & willing I'll definitely reach out to producers that are looking for classic acts. I'm not a neo kinda gal. Not yet anyway! I'm easing my way back into performing. I had to pull away for a bit. As I did leaving my one babysitting gig! I was getting so overwhelmed with 7 days of work with shows peppered in between. I was on overload!
Looking forward to getting my feet wet again and hopefully singing more this year. Perhaps with a band, at least one song? Dream #1230943209

I also plan on some love making this week. HAHAH I love saying "love making" because it seems to make everyone irritated, but I've come to really appreciate the phrase. I don't knock boots anymore! I don't think I ever did that anyway, but I've officially become a love making adult. I realize I'm too picky to sleep with anyone so I've had some great lays. I've also had some horrible lays with nice people. Awww "nice"...that's always the worst. How sad!

OK, I'm outta here..looking forward to my fun filled week!  I'm also looking to write a guest post for Pinup Girl Style - what should it be about?? I was thinking: 29, single & "alternative"? The plus to being plus sized? Why I loathe the saying "I have no where to wear that."

The list goes on. I should just start verbally spewing! Or typing, whatever!
Have a great week - thanks for stopping by!!

Ciao for now,


PS: Never feel unoriginal, there is only one you!! <3

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

POST #100!

whoa! 100 posts later and I'm still here. Lazy, but still here! I guess it woulda been more too, but in the beginning I wasn't doing it weekly, just when I felt like it.
So, how's your first week in a new year been? The same as usual, right? How did your bold resolutions hold up after a few days? Who quit smoking? Joined a gym? Anything really good, like being a great person? Tell meeeee!

All good over here, just making plans for 2013, the year of the Snake according to the Chinese zodiac. (I could use a good snake if ya know what I'm sayin, nudge nudge...well, not nudging some of you!) According to some website that I googled says: To gain the greatest benefits from this year, you must control spending and use your talents wisely.
Well I'll be damned, finally a year that clears that up for me? What the hell! I've been doing this for at least 2 years now...maybe this 3rd one will be a charm then?? I'm having high hopes, but not while I sit back and relax! It's becoming clearer to me the sort of career I would like have and all the extra bonuses that could go along with it.  Here's to the year of the Tassels?!

I'm not gonna lie, sitting here typing, I'm itching to vlog again. My schedule doesn't allow too much time for it or the editing but I LOVED the process. There will be more for sure. Maybe if I've got something cute to show off I'll start making little snippets!

So a few dude updates, because right now I can't seem to think of anything else:
1- Remember this guy? well I haven't seen him in a couple of months but we've kept in touch. I feel another "Casualties of being Casual: #3" coming up. We'll be hanging soon. Mama needs to get her some.
2- Remember this guy? well I FINALLY got his contact info the other day. I shot him a text because I'm too sissy to call and frankly there's no real reason too. It was a very cool/mildly flirty "If you're ever in NYC call me" type of message. He replied exactly how I was expecting. I googled him, like all good girls do when we get someone's full name & digits, come to find out he was a porn actor and now focuses on adult directing & photography.  I'm in love. HA! So if I ever see him again, I'll let you know how our hot night of fun goes because I'm sure that's all it will be.
3- A few weeks ago, I Facebooked (I know, I'm horrible at these things) a dude that I have mutual real life friends with, but also that I've become internet friends with. Well, he never replied. I know he saw the message because we've corresponded before about doing shows together. He replied within minutes to that. Whatevs! I was dying to approach him so at least now it's out of my system. If we ever meet, we meet. His loss!
4-  Remember this guy? Well I haven't talked to him in months. Some days it's killing me, others I think of him fondly. It's so weird when you're life, in regards to relationships, is SO different than you thought it would be at this age.

So far, it's apparently the year of no-snake-for-Tina. Ha! I started reading Kirstie Alley's new book "The Art of Men: I like mine al Dente" it's an autobiographical journey about how men influenced her life more than women. So far it's amazing! Growing up and living in Kansas, her awful verbally & physically abusive mother and her thoughtful, honest father. She is a riot. I didn't know much about her before this book, other than that she's gorgeous, hilarious, and talented. Will report back with more next week!

Hope you all have a great week ahead. I look forward to seeing a few shows! This Saturday I will also be performing at and representing my day-job at the Lovesick Expo. It means I'll be missing my usual Long Island hosting gig at Rockabilly Rave 4, but the timing just won't work out, boooooo!

Ciao for now,


PS: I gogo-ed for the first time ever at THE SLIPPER ROOM on New Year's Eve-Eve! It was exhilarating. I was nervous for about oh, 10 seconds while walking on stage and then I let loose. My big mistake was wearing heels at work all day and then bringing uncomfortable heels to dance in. They had to come off. I didn't wanna be shoe-less but it would have been an awful set. I look forward to adding gogo to my offerings. I was terrified to do it for so long. I found it much different than performing and felt so much more on display. And being a bigger girl, my creases would be on display for much longer than a 5 minute strip show. Dang, it felt great!

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Tina, Do you make New Year's Resolutions?

Only 1 day past my goal of doing it in 2012, at least once, but it's here!!
I'm kinda loving it. The experience was great and after watching it a few times, I can see I got comfortable. Not so bad :)

I hope you all had a wonderful, safe New Year's Eve! I have a feeling 2013 is gonna be an even better year than last **fingers crossed**

Thanks for stopping by, let me know what you think about my wittle video.
Got any requests? Suggestions? Should I wear a mask next time? ha! Enjoy...

Ciao for now,