Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Keeping it Casual

My dream is to be a young vibrant New York city single playin the field and enjoying it til the last drop. With intentions of keeping it casual, my problem is that I enjoy people (in general) and getting to know them so much, I think my enthusiasm scares them off. This is fine by me because the douche bag I probably wasted a lay on doesn't deserve my company anyway!

Since what seems like forever, people have debated whether or not casual relationships are possible. In theory they are, in my opinion, the best idea ever. Having someone to fulfill random moments of loneliness and the need for physical affection, while still having the freedom to look for "the one". (Note: I've put the "the one" in quotes because I'm not sure how I feel about the whole soul mate/monogamy thing.  I could still be scarred so my point of view is skewed or I could just be a cougar in the making!)

I think though, that casual relationships take just as much work to avoid developing butterflies as romantic relationships take to keep the butterflies going.  I know that I am incredibly sensitive and can only go casual for so long but I like to challenge myself...read: torture myself ha! I've been thinking a lot about it because who I've been spending my time with. He told me of a past lover who was informed to the casual nature their relationship would keep, but that she ended up lashing out wondering why over time he had not changed his mind and wanted to be with her.  This seems to be a common issue. This has to be said: casual or not, if your intention is to change your partner over time then you need to find a new one. If you're willing to let someone evolve and take that ride with them, well then you've struck gold possibly!  Girls are crazy. I know this. I am one. But I feel confident saying what separates me and girls of the like from the rest of the pack, is that although wild thoughts do cross our minds, we decide not to share or even worse pursue them.  The mind is fascinating, I let it do it's thing, and then interject myself when I find necessary.

I like a good challenge. Testing my limits. Watching how a man navigates a relationship. This is all ever-interesting.  I'm not ready for monogamy and I can recognize that. I want to develop my self as an individual in hopes of finding someone who has done the same for their self. Until then I'll be hangin with whomever, when I can, and soaking up all the fun things there are to learn about myself and men!

Ok I'm done about this for now, I posted a question on Facebook and some people got in a tizzy. People cannot agree to disagree, it's always about the last word. What I found interesting though is that people gave me resources about pursuing poly-amorous relationships. I've never been interested in this. I know, for me, if I am in a romantic relationship I need to have no one else involved. I am not strong enough to share ha!

Oh gees, time to start another week! Where does the time go? If you missed Meat My Friends this past Saturday, it was amazing. Had a great show with a great audience, it really couldn't have gone better. This whole trial phase is awesome to see what works, and get feedback from show-goers. Overall, everyone had a blast. That is awesome to hear. Waiting on the next date, stay tuned!!

Have a great week!
Ciao for now,


Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Things are getting Racey!

Lately I've been spending time with a guy who in addition to being gorgeous, smart, interesting, funny, adventurous, musically talented, well-spoken, a great story teller, has clean fingernails, is complimentary, incredibly charming, has an awesomely deep voice, heavily knowledgeable in politics and philosophy (read: the opposite of me), is also of mixed race.

I debated whether or not to touch on the subject or avoid it out of fear of people's reactions but I'm over it. I have no motive here other than sharing what I thought was an interesting conversation we had.  Just so it's clear he is half Jewish and half black. (I'm not gonna write African American repeatedly because I'd rather just write the way I talk and not focus on the fear of judgement)

Post-dinner we went walking around the village. We're still pretty much strangers so we've been having great conversation. (Thanks to Colin Kane for joking about "first daters", watch it here ) For some people, and even myself at moments, he can seem intimidating. Personally, though I love listening to anyone talk when it's something they are so passionate about. It's inspiring and frankly a bit of an aphrodisiac!

Anyway, amongst his big words & sharing family history he asked me: if because of my body type, do I get hit on by black men a lot? I quickly replied "all the time" and we laughed. I told him my fave story of walking down the sidewalk alongside a construction site and this gorgeous man standing there in all his 'construction worker fantasy' glory looked me up and down, made intense eye contact, then barked immediately following with a groan as I passed.  Yes, barked. DMX style. My Man-Friend half-smiled but he also seemed to shake his head in embarrassment. I've also been asked "can I get a piece of that cake?" to which I cheerfully turned and replied "I love cake, where is it?!" and continued on my way. He was proud that I take it in stride rather than being offended. I told him it's charming but won't win me over.

He continued to ask if I had ever dated outside of my race and I had to admit no and it was for no other reason than not meeting anyone that interested me except a highschool crush who years later offered to take me to the "mote" (motel) to which I quickly snapped out of my fantasy and walked away. I barely date white guys let alone spanning different backgrounds ha! He said he's tried it all. I find this hot. LOL What followed though I found both as comforting as it was interesting. He admitted that he doesn't see himself marrying a white woman. I feel the same about a black man but definitely carried some shame with this.  We had sort of similar reasons but we both agreed that we cannot be 100% definite in this sort of decision because we have no clue what the future holds. Although his "lets move to Europe and get married" comments are very appealing. Too bad I'm a commitment-phobe, actually he might be too. This rules, stress free.

 Anyway, we've had a great couple of dinners & chats & walks. No kiss yet but the anticipation is killing me. I spent time at The Village Chess Shop with him last night. I was so tempted a few times to go in for the kill but he works there (yeah, I know!!) so I kept it appropriate. Now there's even more curiosity and it rules. He's gonna teach me to play chess too.

Sorry for the delayed post and I hope it wasn't too boring just blabbering about myself. I didn't get home until 4am from the shop, it's open 24hrs btw! A really sweet couple visiting from San Fran sat down for a game around 1am. I love NY.

I'm uber excited for Saturday night, Meat My Friends: A Variety Show is BACK in Manhattan at Angels & Kings.  Got a new flyer, which I find hilarious, thanks to The Hive Creative Agency. I also had a great and super fun photoshoot on Saturday with Jose. He will also be shooting the show!

Hope to see you this weekend if you can make it out! We have new cast members, trying out something new with audience participation that could be really fun if it works out! I'm so honored to have the talents that will be.

HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SPRING! I for one am looking forward to more sunlight, more energy from people, and wearing less layers.

Thanks for stopping by and have a wonderful week!
Ciao for now,


Monday, March 12, 2012

I Like Being Alone...

not as often as I am though.

I've become really good at flying solo in all sorts of ways. I consciously go through phases of avoiding friends, family, strangers, whomever. I have grown up in the shadow of a mother who is the same. She shops alone, gets her nails done alone, runs her own business, sits at the kitchen table working alone, etc..This is how we show how "strong" and independent we are. It's malarkey.

The reality is I get lonely. I'm incredibly sensitive compared to most of my family. Although, my real Dad's side in Romania cries as easily and as often as I do. That was the most amazing thing to find out when I finally got to meet them in 2006.  We are incredibly strong in character but emotionally we are sissies ha!

I rarely call friends when I'm upset to avoid appearing needy.  I feel like I have to stay in this mold of the tough, independent in the big city on her own.  What I find interesting about this, having had tear filled conversations with one of my besties, is that my married friends with kids end up neglecting their single friends out of a fear of calling with "boring mom problems".  We're all so sadly pathetic.  The one thing we need to do is pick up the damn phone no matter the reason and just call.  Even if it's only to let someone know you're crying. I think this was my problem on Sunday.

March 11, 2008 my Dad passed away. I'm not over it and think about it more often than anyone else does I'm sure.  Anyway, Sunday marked 4 years.  Every year since, I try to have a "normal" day (I'm not sure why) and it ends up awful and emotionally exhausting.  Somehow my alarm was turned off (perhaps in my sleep??), I woke up late, therefore getting to work much later than I should have.  I was sorta okay until I walked out of my building. It was like suddenly, with people around my tears felt like free flowing. I got to work and couldn't control myself. I had a great conversation with my manager and left for the day.  I honestly think my insides just gave up and forced me to show how vulnerable I was feeling.  I had to cry and talk to someone even if it was only for 10mins, it helped more than she probably knows. She had suffered her own loss in January and we were able to share a much needed moment.

I left and walked up to Central Park and sat for a bit. I was feeling anxious so I didn't stay for too long instead opted for more walking. Went to Columbus Circle, then back down Broadway into Times Square. By that time I had texted a friend of mine who I know always has nice Sundays out brunching and chatting with all sorts of people.  I invited myself to crash his party and it was the best I could have done. I was out until 9p and couldn't have had better company in such short notice.

It's sad that I hesitated to reach out to someone, but I'm so happy I clicked send.

"All you need is love to ease your mind."
~Loretta Lynn~

I hope you have a wonderful week.  The weather has been making the days much easier to get through...

Ciao for now,


Monday, March 5, 2012

Tax Money Bitches!

So I'm not getting anything TOO exciting back but these days a little bit goes a long way for me!
I'm trying to figure out how to spend some of the money on myself (whatever's left over after some late bills are paid, oopsies!) in the likes of improv classes, belly dancing, tap or a few things at the School of Burlesque or even a tattoo. Oh and some new materials are definitely on the list. I have a dope idea for a costume, would be amazing if I could execute it!

I've been dying for dance classes. I should have added swing to that list because I've got the itch for it also.  Some friends offered up lessons but I definitely excel and feel less self-conscious when I set out and do things on my own surrounded by strangers. I'm obviously a product of doing everything alone!

Some exciting news - Meat My Friends will be back!! Saturday, March 24th, new cast, new hilarity, new talents at Angels & Kings. I can't wait to see this show! What's also exciting is that I have performers interested in later dates. I hope the venue & I can agree on some future nights so I can get the ball rolling!

Although I love watching all my performers, I am totally honored to be hosting Jay Miller & Casey Jost. Two super talented guys I know from Staten Island. What they have in store, I'm not gonna share but it's definitely not to be missed!

Here's one of my fave clips of them from Jay's talk show.

Stole it from Jay's Youtube channel. Stop by and check out more!

Tuesday with Tassels has been a bit lame-o. Between my two day jobs, I'll be working at least 14 days in a row. This shit better be worth it!!
Hope you guys have a great week. I for one am really looking forward to Spring. I know winter wasn't bad at all but I just want my puffy coat to get packed away again. Over it!

Thanks for stopping by! If you haven't yet, please swing by my "fan" page (I don't I've ever said that) and give a like, ya know, if you like me! :) Also if you like filthy talk and bad jokes, go ahead and follow me on Twitter!

Ciao for now,


PS: That guy I mentioned last week, well I shot him a FB message because I was too chicken to ask around for his number, but I gave him mine and am still tapping my fingers on the table. HA! Keeping the faith though, we'll see what happens! The lower expectation, the bigger the surprise...