Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Apple Cake

My Mom and Grandmom came to visit on Monday and brought me lots o'stock for my fridge including almás aka in boring English "Apple Cake" my Gmom made. Grandmom is cool. She sincerely liked my apartment which made me feel good. So sweet. I also got some stuffed cabbage which I had no idea was coming so I'm psyched about that too hahaha I'm obviously super excited about the free home cooked food I was brought today...

In other news there is no news. I think the universe is on my side when it comes to maintaining a level of confidence and keeping my eye on the possibility of achieving goals.  Again, it took me years to get here but there's some higher power(s) definitely holding their hand out for me. I am grateful for the good signs and the unfortunate ones too.

Recently, there was a woman that I had never met - I've only admired her from afar due mainly to her hair, makeup and always vintage attire - and she passed away. Suddenly. At 31. I am tearful even writing this now.  In moments like this I am furious with the skies. I ask of you to please not wish the days away...life is short.

It's already Tuesday again. So crazy. This month as flown by and October is days away. The main reason for my Mom's visit was to bring me my freshly hemmed and pressed gown for Thursday night! It's the teaser party for The Ninth Annual NY Burlesque Festival. I am pumped to be a volunteer and will be helping out with performer check-ins and then wherever I am needed after that!

I have a couple of feelers out to produce some shows, stay tuned for the word on that.  Would be working with some new venues and people which is always exciting for me. *fingers crossed* Hopefully some thing gets confirmed soon.

I realize my post is lacking in exclamation points which is extremely not like me. I'm feeling very sensitive about life and it's no guarantee policy. I never live in fear but every now and then I get worried about the people around me. So sorry to poop on this party!

I hope you are feeling well and living life the way you want.

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Blah Blah Blah!

I love the dress. I couldn't stop staring at myself in the mirror and through her just as excited exhale, my mom pleaded "honey, just keep the weight off." Within seconds I took the dress off and walked away without saying more than "uh huh, because you too exercise and have a healthy diet." She barely understood what I meant.
What the hell? Everyone has fallen victim to parents saying the wrong things but I just don't get it. That shit hurts. They ruin everything in a moment with barely a full sentence. And when it comes to my mom it's usually about my weight.
The dress I'm talking about is my gorgeous floor length gown I'll be wearing as a presenter at the Golden Pastie Awards. I'm over the moon about it all. The dress is more gorgeous in person (had to order a different size and color online). I'm not putting a picture of the website on here because there has to be some element of surprise when I finally do get to wear it in 2 weeks!

That aside, late Thursday night my friends in Big Daddy Deluxe reached out looking for a last minute emcee...after a few minutes of trying to come up with someone I offered myself! Wasn't sure if they'd go for it but THEY DID! I was the evening lady on the mic at the Rockabilly Hot Rod Riot in Long Island. So excited I happened to have the day off so it was meant to be! I got to ride the train with Evelyn Vinyl and Dottie Dynamo who were booked for the burlesque portion. Later they also joined the pinup contest which was SO much fun because there ended up being a really drunk girl that got herself right in line and man she was a blast to fuck with on stage hahaha Long Island proved to be a lot of fun and the rockabilly scene is going as strong as they can. I met so many awesome people from roller derby girls, to the vintage car owners, musicians, performers, you name it! Everyone was incredibly kind and I got a lot of positive feedback which was SO nice!! Not gonna lie, I almost didn't offer myself out of fear & overall laziness but I pushed myself because I knew I would have regretted it for sure!
There are some really wonderful pictures from Saturday. A lot of professional photogs were around and a lot of not so professional guys with cell phones HA! I think I look HUGE in those pictures (which probably means I'm huge in real life too). I also look at them today and think "god, I looked awful!" I didn't feel awful though so I guess that counts for something. I definitely have some weird reversal of ego because I feel like a size 4 in a size 14/16 mold. ugh...I'll give myself a few days to like those pictures. I loved my hair though. Probably the only thing I have going for me. I am totally emotional for girl reasons *hint hint* hahah gross!

Last night I was at Kitty Nights again and tried out some clowning. I wasn't too happy with it. I was a little too impulsive rather than sticking to what I had rehearsed. Also my clown shoes aren't ready yet so I just wore my red sequin shoes against my will. Other than that I performed along side some super talent and as always there was a great audience! I love Fem but I mean, who doesn't really?!

Tomorrow night I am kittening (meow!) at Calamity Chang's Drunken Dragon Night at Macoa Trading Co. again. Working with some girls I haven't yet so that's exciting!! Debating what to do with my hair. Might go with a middle part for a Betty Boop look. We shall see...

I'm also rehearsing with my Two Hand Band over the next few weeks. We might have a gig at Drive Thru Burlesque *wink*

Hope you had a wonderful weekend and now an even better week to follow. Thanks for stopping by!

Ciao for now,

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

37,000 Feet

That's our cruising altitude. I love flying. I used to pretend-hate it like most of the population does and was convinced I'd die in the air, or rather, falling out of it. Today I realized how safe I feel up here - yes, I'm above the clouds as I type. Totes cray cray! If anything I feel even better in the sky.  There's an incubating effect, I feel calm...usually.

I also am not sure if it's American Air or my hips but I fit in my seat like a hand in it's glove. I'll never forget in 2006 - my Euro trip - I barely fit between the arm rests. I felt my 204-ish lb frame's unapologetic spreading out, creeping up on my neighbor.  My thighs felt 3x the size they already were. Talk about being embarrassed. After that series of flights I trained myself to wear the tightest jeans I could to keep me encased.  I don't weigh much less in numbers but I look a whole lot different. The seats felt like lazy boys this time around :)

The second our wheels lifted off the runway I started crying. I felt absurdly lonely, confused, completely useless, unoriginal, uncreative, and everything else lacking luster, gusto, or confidence.  Total 180 from when I was landing a couple of days ago. Ugh, I'm so sensitive. I know it's part of my charm but its hard being such a softie. I also know that not everyone can take a deep breath and keep trudging on the way I do!  Until next time, Good Bye LA thanks for 2 solid days of emotional weightlessness.

I finished reading Larry "Bozo" Harmon's Book The Man Behind the Nose. I don't think I've read anything I've been this inspired by in ages.  The simplicity is whats pushing me to take flight. I would give anything to have had even 5mins with the clown or the man behind the nose.  I feel such a connection with just his writing and the way he presented it. I felt like it was a conversation between him and I. A casual chat. A one-on-one over coffee. He also had little pictures to accompany his stories and some were so random I actually laughed out loud.

There's no other way to explain his life: he was a simple, small town boy with big dreams.  It was only by chance he really pursued show business, because he was well on his way to becoming a doctor! He was kind, hard-working at no matter what job he had taken, and confident. His ultimate goal in life was to ensure that people were living joyous lives filled with laughter. Peanuts!  Bozo was the vehicle for him to spread such a message round the world.

I'm really enjoying another clown coming into my life. My first real taste of theater/show business was interning for Slava's Snowshow and I've been a clown-lover since.  I always thought about clown college (ha!) but as with most training/classes I long for, I cannot afford so freely.  I'll be testing out my first public clown chops at Kitty Nights this Sunday!

Today I'm starting my makeup training with Sephora. Finally!
Am really excited about this. I am trying to get as much as I can out of this company. I know it is not where I want to be forever but right now I am grateful to have something regular and to be learning about something I love.  I've been going back and forth about leaving another regular job I have. Will keep you updated on that. The regular cash will be tough to leave behind but it's just such a drag on me. I need to take my own advice and do what's right for me, my soul!

Thanks for swingin' by today, hope you have a great week! xoxo

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, September 6, 2011

It's Oh So Quiet...shhhh, shhhh

JUST KIDDING! I wanna shout from a mountain top! Well not really, I'd rather be on stage yelling and telling dirty secrets and bad jokes and that's exactly where I'll be! I'm now sitting down with my calendar and am ecstatic with what's written in the dates.

We're just 4 weeks shy of my 28th Birthday. This means - that after a year of shenanigans (read: burlesque classes, to performing, to producing, to hosting) I am now a part of something really over-the-top exciting! As my readers and some friends know, my friend JT and I celebrated our birthdays at the NY Burlesque festival last year and that time has come again. A little twist in the story though, is that at this year's awards ceremony; The Golden Pastie Awards I'M GOING TO BE A PRESENTER! HOLY SHIT! That means, if you, my pseudo-colleague and probable stage inspiration, win an award I will be one of the girls handing it to you! The hunt for the perfect gown continues - HELP ME, I'M FREAKING OUT AND AM DIRT POOR!
Aside from the immediate anxiety this proposition induced, I am now speechless with delight having said "of course". It will be an honor to share such a night with some people that have unknowingly changed my life forever.

I am happy to say my calendar seems comfortably filled with shows. Here's where you can see me over the next few weeks and hopefully that means you come out!

Sunday, Sept 18 - PERFORMING Kitty Nights at Mug Lounge with the coolest cat of all Fem Appeal
Tuesday, Sept 20 - KITTENING Macao Trading Co. Drunken Dragon Nights with my favorite asian Calamity Chang
Sunday, Oct 2 - PRESENTING Golden Pastie Awards - wow, just wow.
Tuesday, Oct 4 - PERFORMING Regular Life on my Birthday HA! Gotcha! I'm sneaky.
Friday, Oct 7 - PERFORMING FOR THE FIRST TIME Hotel Chantelle Room 69, Chang does it again!
Thursday, Oct 13 - PERFORMING Nurse Bettie's Spankin the LES, Asian Sexsation hahah!
Friday, Oct 14 - HOSTING Drive Thru Burlesque at Parkside Lounge - really looking forward to hosting the Early Bird Special portion of the show. I love chatting up the audience and am so grateful to Lefty Lucy & Sizzle Dizzle for giving me a place to work it out!

*exhale* This is crazy! I can't get over it. Mark your calendars freaks!

I'm coming down from my weekend-in-New Jersey high. I got to celebrate 2 great birthdays with old friends. We sat around a fire, I drank way too much rum and laughed so hard I cried. Best of times.

I leave for LA Thursday morning for a quick job. I need to get out of here for a bit but I wish I wasn't going alone.  Whatevs! What can I do.  I think I'm having a rough week because I made a sort of bad decision this weekend. It was partially against my will, almost like I was testing myself and now I'm paying for it emotionally. It's way too heavy for me today. I need coffee, a shower, and to head into work so my brain is occupied.

I hope you all have a wonderful week! Thanks for reading.

Ciao for now,