I Like Being Alone...

not as often as I am though.

I've become really good at flying solo in all sorts of ways. I consciously go through phases of avoiding friends, family, strangers, whomever. I have grown up in the shadow of a mother who is the same. She shops alone, gets her nails done alone, runs her own business, sits at the kitchen table working alone, etc..This is how we show how "strong" and independent we are. It's malarkey.

The reality is I get lonely. I'm incredibly sensitive compared to most of my family. Although, my real Dad's side in Romania cries as easily and as often as I do. That was the most amazing thing to find out when I finally got to meet them in 2006.  We are incredibly strong in character but emotionally we are sissies ha!

I rarely call friends when I'm upset to avoid appearing needy.  I feel like I have to stay in this mold of the tough, independent in the big city on her own.  What I find interesting about this, having had tear filled conversations with one of my besties, is that my married friends with kids end up neglecting their single friends out of a fear of calling with "boring mom problems".  We're all so sadly pathetic.  The one thing we need to do is pick up the damn phone no matter the reason and just call.  Even if it's only to let someone know you're crying. I think this was my problem on Sunday.

March 11, 2008 my Dad passed away. I'm not over it and think about it more often than anyone else does I'm sure.  Anyway, Sunday marked 4 years.  Every year since, I try to have a "normal" day (I'm not sure why) and it ends up awful and emotionally exhausting.  Somehow my alarm was turned off (perhaps in my sleep??), I woke up late, therefore getting to work much later than I should have.  I was sorta okay until I walked out of my building. It was like suddenly, with people around my tears felt like free flowing. I got to work and couldn't control myself. I had a great conversation with my manager and left for the day.  I honestly think my insides just gave up and forced me to show how vulnerable I was feeling.  I had to cry and talk to someone even if it was only for 10mins, it helped more than she probably knows. She had suffered her own loss in January and we were able to share a much needed moment.

I left and walked up to Central Park and sat for a bit. I was feeling anxious so I didn't stay for too long instead opted for more walking. Went to Columbus Circle, then back down Broadway into Times Square. By that time I had texted a friend of mine who I know always has nice Sundays out brunching and chatting with all sorts of people.  I invited myself to crash his party and it was the best I could have done. I was out until 9p and couldn't have had better company in such short notice.

It's sad that I hesitated to reach out to someone, but I'm so happy I clicked send.

"All you need is love to ease your mind."
~Loretta Lynn~

I hope you have a wonderful week.  The weather has been making the days much easier to get through...

Ciao for now,

TT

Tax Money Bitches!

So I'm not getting anything TOO exciting back but these days a little bit goes a long way for me!
I'm trying to figure out how to spend some of the money on myself (whatever's left over after some late bills are paid, oopsies!) in the likes of improv classes, belly dancing, tap or a few things at the School of Burlesque or even a tattoo. Oh and some new materials are definitely on the list. I have a dope idea for a costume, would be amazing if I could execute it!

I've been dying for dance classes. I should have added swing to that list because I've got the itch for it also.  Some friends offered up lessons but I definitely excel and feel less self-conscious when I set out and do things on my own surrounded by strangers. I'm obviously a product of doing everything alone!

Some exciting news - Meat My Friends will be back!! Saturday, March 24th, new cast, new hilarity, new talents at Angels & Kings. I can't wait to see this show! What's also exciting is that I have performers interested in later dates. I hope the venue & I can agree on some future nights so I can get the ball rolling!

Although I love watching all my performers, I am totally honored to be hosting Jay Miller & Casey Jost. Two super talented guys I know from Staten Island. What they have in store, I'm not gonna share but it's definitely not to be missed!

Here's one of my fave clips of them from Jay's talk show.


Stole it from Jay's Youtube channel. Stop by and check out more!

Tuesday with Tassels has been a bit lame-o. Between my two day jobs, I'll be working at least 14 days in a row. This shit better be worth it!!
Hope you guys have a great week. I for one am really looking forward to Spring. I know winter wasn't bad at all but I just want my puffy coat to get packed away again. Over it!

Thanks for stopping by! If you haven't yet, please swing by my "fan" page (I don't I've ever said that) and give a like, ya know, if you like me! :) Also if you like filthy talk and bad jokes, go ahead and follow me on Twitter!

Ciao for now,

TT

PS: That guy I mentioned last week, well I shot him a FB message because I was too chicken to ask around for his number, but I gave him mine and am still tapping my fingers on the table. HA! Keeping the faith though, we'll see what happens! The lower expectation, the bigger the surprise...