Monday, June 24, 2013

Ray of Sunshine

Where to begin! If you follow Tina Tassels on Facebook, Twitter, or even Instagram you would have heard that I had some cool things going on last week!

First, I had an interview with ladies who run the recently established New York chapter of Pinups for Patriots and I was chosen to be on the team AND in the calendar!! So honored. I don't have money to donate to organizations and frankly I'm not sure how I feel about it, but this is seems like the perfect something where I can cross 2 bucket list items off: volunteer work and being in a calendar. Cray!!!

Second, I took my first ever Improv class. It was really interesting and super challenging at times. I think the hardest part for me was working off of someone. Ya know, maybe it's not that ,but I felt very put on the spot. And I feel like everyone in the class except for a couple of us were all actors in training. That was incredibly intimidating to me. I feel really comfortable on stage, alone and paying attention to my audience but when I felt a sort of responsibility for my fellow stage-sharer I immediately was closed off. What it has definitely done though is made me eager to seek out and take advantage of every FREE class being offered throughout the city. It was invigorating, to say the least!!

Had a great conversation on Sunday. It was my college roommate's wedding shower and it was perfect. So chic: no games, no present unwrapping, nothing she didn't want. It was a small reunion of sorts and a huge making of new friends. Post-shower we all went out for drinks and the last 3 of us standing ending up having such an intense chat mostly about feeling this itch for wanting more. Of taking advantage of the city we live in, of disciplining ourselves to seek out the things we want. To stop waiting. To stop making excuses. One of my fave things MC said though, was that even if you're working a job you don't really want it is your responsibility to do it and do it well. You agreed to it and owe it to your coworkers to be present 100%. Once you lose that, well it's time to move on.  Sheesh, it was an enlightening way to end a great week.

On a stupid note - I need to install my air conditioner. The nights are getting warmer *sigh I love windows open, but I think it's time.  My boob sweat seems to breaking records past. My girls are dripping wet. Soaking though my white top,, just begging to be cooled down by an ice cube slowly making it's way over them...
your welcome for the soft core porn.

Thanks for checking out Big Hips, Big Dreams (again)!
Ciao for now,


Monday, June 17, 2013

Back to Business!

Dang, that was some serious PMS hahah now it's MS and I'm falling asleep anywhere I sit for more than 5mins. So corny.

I have to send a huge thank you into the world. Specifically to each and every one of you who read my blog and sent me a text, an email, a letter, a facebook message, anything!  There were so many amazing messages from calming & inspiring words to sharing your own stories to virtual hugs - it was overwhelming, but incredibly reassuring that NONE OF US ARE ALONE! She & Him's new album Volume 3 has a great, anthem-like song called Together, it pretty much sums this up: And we all go through it together, but we all go at it alone.

There were a few messages - of course with good intention - telling me to not get angry, to not get down, to not let things "get to me". I had to disagree. I felt like the people writing it were completely bottled up and closed off. You never know how they're feeling and I find it so unhealthy. Like ticking time bombs. I never wanna give up how sensitive I am. I call it a curse & a blessing. I figure the day I stop feeling anything is the day I don't deserve to wake up.  What's the sense of living?!

I'm still bummed out about the dude. Not angry, I guess disappointed. More sand fallen through my fingers...sigh*

I have an interview Wednesday morning with Pinups for Patriots, am looking forward to being considered as a calendar girl! THEN on Thursday I signed up for a 2hr crash course Intro to Improv with The Barrow Group! It's not much but it's so much more than nothing at all!! Looking forward to it and I can't wait to report back!

I hope you have a nice week ahead - thanks again for stopping by!

Ciao for now,

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Sooooo Angry!!

I've been in a shitty mood. For all sorts of stupid reasons and frankly I don't know why everything has just crept up on me. I'm angry about things I can't control. I haven't been sleeping well. I'm feeling really bitter. I'm short tempered. Everyone is getting on my nerves. I wanna be alone but I'm feeling lonely. I miss my friends. I feel like crying a lot throughout the day. I'm feeling sorry for myself...
How pathetic.

I'm mad that he didn't call me again. I'm mad because I'm broke. I'm mad because I have to work weekends. I'm mad I don't live in Manhattan. I'm mad my parents don't have an apartment I can live in for free. I'm mad I can't afford improv classes both the price & the time. I'm mad that I can't afford fancy costumes. I'm mad that he got married. I'm even more mad that I had a crazy vivid dream about him realizing it was a mistake. I'm mad that I don't discipline myself nearly enough when it comes to rehearsal. I'm mad because all week I said I was gonna start writing more and I didn't pick up my notebook once.  I'm mad I don't look like ScarJo in "He's Just Not That Into You".  I'm mad I don't have the time to deal with my Dad's paintings. I'm mad I don't live alone. I'm mad my parents barely talk to each other. I'm mad he barely talks to me anymore. I'm mad my brother isn't more responsible with money. I'm mad I don't live closer so I can give him a place to stay.  I'm mad my jobs in LA stopped because the companies closed their doors. I'm mad I don't work "normal" hours so I'm able to make simple dinner plans with friends. I'm mad that I like doing my hair & makeup the way I do, I feel like it turns guys away. I'm mad because I feel ruined and that I'll never wanna be with anyone else. I'm mad that some of my friends and family are in awful marriages. I'm mad that Joan Rivers is aging and she's incredibly sad about it, it reminds me of my grandmom. I'm mad I don't have headshots and go on auditions. I'm mad that I smoke cigarettes because I know how awful they are and even more so for women.

I'm allowed to feel like this because about 97% of the time I'm the complete opposite. I think I'm done.

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, June 4, 2013

They always come back!

I say this a crazy laugh with wide eyes and my hands open to the sky haha damnit!

I seem to, since my teens, have the lot in life as the girl before the girl and after the girl. Shit, some dudes have even tried to make me the girl DURING the girl. Catch my drift? I'm not quite sure where or when all of this somewhat shitty experience is gonna come in handy, but I'm not getting any younger universe.

I'm coming down from a high on boytoy week. Had a couple of great nights and days with a dude. A dude that yes, I met (he approached me) & hung out with last year, he essentially disappeared, and has now reappeared. Whatevs. The usual. I ain't mad. His company is always a pleasure to be in and I'm expectation free. I welcomed him with open arms and open mouth ...duh we french kiss you guys.

I think my griping is that I'm sick of having no expectations. I am so used to this grind that I'm always mentally prepared for when it's over. Emotionally not so much, but that's OK, I like to feel whatever it is I'm supposed to feel. I also keep thinking back to the night I hung out with my former coworker and long time crush. Actually to the morning. I was completely shut down. I barely talked let alone smiled or even said I had a good time...I was so not my self. Maybe because I think of him differently than the guys I usually hang with? I dunno. But I feel like I ruined that completely. He's been busy...

I wish there was a rule book for how to get out of the friend-zone. Or even out of the friend-I-hook-up-with-sometimes-zone. I dream too much of a relationship developing organically so I won't ever give a guy a friend an ultimatum. Nor would I push him away unless I was getting way too attached and he was way too detached. I know some of you will say don't hook up with them, make it clear what you want, blah blah's not my thing. I prefer to enjoy the moments and go with the flow and then ya know, write a blog about it for you guys haha <3

So yeah, this is all definitely triggered by someone I saw this weekend too. Being around him just infuriated me. Why can't old thoughts & feelings just go away?

Ciao for now,