Wednesday, February 19, 2014

STUPID "game"

Sorry for the delay - I wasn't feeling much inspired yesterday. More tired than anything.

Last week's dude update ended with: Unless something comes up, tonight's our night!
Well something came up. I didn't hear from Mr. Great (because he is) all day. You wanna know my first thought getting on the subway home? This is it. This is the first day of many that he will delay his responses, be less available, and eventually just disappear. You know...the usual. I panicked.  I was sad. I was scared. Confused. Every upset emotion I could possibly feel, I felt.

I wasn't mad at him. It wasn't like him to not even just send a text and say "Sorry baby" I was 1/2 worried, 1/2 defensive -- TINA, DON'T LET HIM FOOL YOU!

I didn't hear from him Wednesday, and in my STUPID attempt to "play the game" all you weirdos talk about, I didn't reach out either. Thursday rolled around, still nothing. I had to talk out the situation otherwise I'd be some crying mess and angry at the universe. I explained to a friend how unnatural it feels for me to NOT contact him. Most other girls would be leaving him crazy voicemails filled with rage but I just knew that something was wrong, but didn't want to be annoying. SO RIDICULOUS! She said, exactly what I'd say to you, if you cannot be yourself with someone than why are you bothering to be with them? So true!

Finally, I texted him: Hey, just making sure you're doing alright. I know you've been busy! I hope you're well xo
Reply: Baby, I'm sorry about Tuesday (explains issue, which is none ya biz)

*EXHALE - I was relieved. Even though it was text, I could hear his voice and see his face.
He worked Valentine's day but I sent him vintage Vday cards via text all day and it was much appreciated. We finally got to spend some time together on Sunday!

I've got a few AMAZING shows lined up from now until the end of March - I love when it rains, it pours! Hope you can make it out - I'll even be in PHILLY! My first out of NY show!!
February 28 - Delicatease

March 6 - The Peacock Party

March 8 -  Burlesque Bombshells - with the ladies of Burlesque Bikini Bootcamp
March 28 - Details to come BUT I'LL BE PERFORMING IN PHILADELPHIA! As Pam Doovey.

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, February 11, 2014

The Hustle

No, I'm not referencing some new urban film, I'm talking about working as much as fact, so much that you have to sacrifice socializing, eating regular meals, and even sleep. Obviously, the biggest issue is sacrificing your romantic life, duh!

It is the grind that is New York City - ya know, the love/hate relationship we all seem to have with this place! My dude is a huslter. Which frankly I love because my generation of guys is pretty lazy. Guys & girls for that matter, so it's been refreshing meeting a guy in NY no less that is trying to figure shit out but in the mean time is taking any gigs he can left and right "so daddy's pockets are full". Hahaha, if you could only hear it! It's been hard though. Our usual Sunday night was messed with for a few reasons but actually worked out better for the both of us. Unless something comes up, tonight's our night!

I'm happy to announce this: THE PEACOCK PARTY IS BACK AT DUANE PARK ON MARCH 6!!
This time, Chelsea Nenni & I have joined forces to bring you a FULL band to enjoy Rock N Roll Cabaret with!
Performers are TBA, but I am dying already!!

This Friday is Valentine's Day! Hooray!
I love all the pink & red & hearts everywhere.
I haven't any plans so far except that I'll be in a Fashion Show for Bettie Page Clothing at the Filthy Gorgeous Burlesque show! I'll be staying to enjoy the show after that with my date GD whose flying solo because her man has to work too! Girls Night Out! <3

I hope you all have not only a love filled Valentine's Day but year & life. Just like every other holiday, we shouldn't wait around to celebrate!

Ciao for now,


Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Are you seeing anybody...

When do you start saying yes?

I don't have a boyfriend, but I'm not "just" hanging out with someone. So I guess yes but, I told a girlfriend last night that it feels really embarrassing to talk about S.O.S. as I've never really had one. I don't talk about my relationships much to friends & family because it saves you the conversation down the road of answering: whatever happened to so-and-so?

Past Example: I made the mistake of wanting to have a wedding date for once in my life so I brought one to my cousin's years ago. I haven't seen him since and I'm 1000% ok with that. I hear he's not living up to his potential anyway hahaha but I dreaded the question "do you still see that guy?" because in my head I'm answering with: No, we had relations and never talked again. How's that sound?

I feel not only embarrassed but vulnerable when talking about my "love life". I also have a really unfortunate string of basically anonymous relationships. They are almost 1 year long somethings that no one ever really knows about. How unfortunate. I'm in a place where this guy is more than ok with anyone knowing (including his bff that HAD to meet me), but I feel weird about it. I'm so used to being someone's secret that I'm having a harder time enjoying something honest and public and NORMAL (whatever that is). It's such a foreign concept to me that I'm deeming it too good to be true and I guess we'll see what happens. EW! I would never support such negative thought. I'd tell you to snap out of it, enjoy it, feel deserving, don't be naive, but don't throw it away! *slaps you across face*

I had a blast at the Slapback 1year anniversary party. I got to perform at Cobra Club for some of my favorite people. I also realized how much more confident I feel performing at special events or non-burlesque type shows. Maybe it's the exclusivity and the ego-trip? It's also a matter of what performers are around you, how intimidated you feel by them or how positive and comfortable you feel, was a blast AND I can't wait to see some of the photos!!

I've been day-job hunting, trying to organize some vlog ideas, and working on 2 costumes.
Life is pretty good!

Ciao for now,